Stop the Insanity!!!

I have decided that I'm not going to participate in the time honored tradition of making New Year's Resolutions and I'll tell you why. They don't work! We make these "promises" to people, but not really ourselves, at least that's the case with me! I've tried to do all sorts of things, from losing weight to saving money etc. but when it comes down to it, I'm truly not motivated to do anything.
So this year I'm not going to sit back and tell people what I'm going to change, because I'll be lying. So for those of you who would ask me about my potential resolutions, here's my answer...

I don't have any. I'm not going to lie just for conversation. I don't feel the need to add pressure to my life or complicate myself. I'm done with that falseness. I'm happy and hopefully that this happiness will continue throughout this year. Hallelujah!

Movie Review (Christmas Edition)

Everyone has a favorite Christmas movie, some are long standing family traditions, other's not so much. Over the years Christmas movies have gone from sappy to funny to lovey and goofy. Cartoons, dramas or romance everyone has an opinion on Christmas movies.
So, I decided for this years final movie review I would review my favorite Christmas movies.

I'll tell you right off that I haven't seen most of the Christmas classics, so It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, and the original A Christmas Carol are not on this list, neither is the ballet version of the Nutcracker. I've never had the patience to watch these movies so I've never forced myself to sit through them. I know someone going to try to convince me to watch at least one, but I have no plans to, so don't try. My movies are more modern!

First, Love Actually, I have to say this is the first Christmas movie I've ever insisted on watching only around Christmas for the sake of it being a Christmas movie. I love this film, it's sweet, funny and heartbreaking but it never gets old. The film follows several different story lines that all intersect at some point, even when you try to figure out how you get from the prime minister to porn stand ins, it happens. It all works and leaves you with a smile and quite possibly the funniest annoying song in your head.

Second, The Family Stone, there are only two Sarah Jessica Parker movies I like, this is one (the other is Girls Just Wanna Have Fun). It's about a family and what happens when a brother brings his new uptight girlfriend into his very laid back family's lives. Comedy ensues and soon you're laughing and by the end crying. Great movie (I think I reviewed it previously).

Lastly, Four Christmases, I've got two words for ya...Vince Vaughn, you know I love him. He teams up with Reese Witherspoon and an all-star cast and you can't go wrong. It's full of awkwardness, funny dialogue and Vince getting beat up. It's fun all around...a good movie to watch when your snuggled up in bed or wrapping gifts.

At the heart of all these movies are good stories with a message. I enjoy them all and hope that they will bring you all a little joy too.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

It's a beautiful day in the Neighborhood

Over the last few weeks we've had some really cold days here in Southern California, so much so that I thought I'd unintentionally moved up North. But now that the rain has passed and the clouds have gone away we see why people moved to Los Angeles in the first place.
Today was an absolutely beautiful day! Not a cloud in the sky, no fog with a slight hint of smog (which is good for LA). The mountains were clear everywhere you looked and there's still a sparkle of snow on some. Depending on where you looked it felt like you were staring at a postcard. It's actually felt like that for a while even when it was raining, once the snow fell, it seems like anytime you looked off in the distance you were staring at a mat painting, breathtaking!
Days like today are why I love where I live! There aren't too many places in this world where you can see the clear blue ocean one direction and the snow-capped mountains in the other. Because I work in a high rise I can. On one side of the building there's the ocean on the other the mountains. It's the beautiful of Los Angeles...
Also, it's not hot, but not cold...just a bit chilly (during the day at night still freezing), so you can wear those pretty winter scarves but you don't have to be completely covered up. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, I'm glad I'm here to see it!

Emotional Rollercoaster

I just updated my facebook to read Melly Mel is on an emotional rollercoaster and I am not sure how to get off.

There are a lot of things going through my mind tonight and I'm not sure how to handle it all. I know that I'm angry and hurting, but I'm not sure why or how to resolve it. I'm struggling against my better judgment in some ways, trying not to make mistakes but trying to keep the people around me happy. In the shuffle I'm losing myself. Maybe I need to get away and be alone...because even if I'm with other people, I tend to feel lonely.
I'm emotionally raw, broken, alone, scared!

i need to take more photos of myself

I hate taking photos, I have for a very long time. But I've recently found that I don't really have any of myself and armed with my camera decided to change that, but I was looking through my pictures and realized that when I take all the pictures, I'm not in any of them...I need to change that. So I have a new mission, I'm going to start taking pictures of stuff around me, but also of me with that stuff and with people. We'll see how that goes!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Hello,

I'm don't expect to get on the computer tomorrow so while I have the time I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving...and to let you know some of the things I'm grateful for

This year I'm most grateful for the light on my path....God doesn't give us a clear path with overwhelming light. He likes to give us a rocky path with as little light as possible, so that we can't rely on him to help us make the decisions we need to make. He helped me this year, before I could even ask for it, He lit my path not before I took a step, but as my foot was coming down...and sometimes, He just picked me up and did all the walking. I'm still struggling with somethings, but I know that God is with me on this journey and I'm truly Thankful for that.


What are you thankful for?

Dedication to you!!!!

This is one of my favorite songs from the WICKED soundtrack...it's the story of the witches of OZ. Before and somewhat after the arrival of Dorothy. This is a song that Glinda and Elphaba (the wicked witch of the west) sing together. And I wanted to dedicate it to those of you in my life who've made an impact on me...here it is.





GLINDA

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:


Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good


ELPHABA

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:


GLINDA

Because I knew you:


BOTH

I have been changed for good


ELPHABA

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for


GLINDA

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share


BOTH

And none of it seems to matter anymore


GLINDA (ELPHABA)

Like a comet pulled (Like a ship blown)
From orbit as it (Off it's mooring)
Passes a sun, like (By a wind off the)
A stream that meets (Sea, like a seed)
A boulder, half-way (Dropped by a)
Through the wood (Bird in the wood)


BOTH

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?


GLINDA

And because I knew you:


ELPHABA

Because I knew you:


BOTH

Because I knew you:
I have been changed


For Good.

Have you ever thought...

about words and phrases we use and where they came from?



We go along through life saying things to each other, some are considered respectful, others not so much...but have we ever actually thought about them.



Most "bad" or Cuss words are words turned around to be used as an insult, some are just strange...anyway, below I'm going to list some words that I've questioned, see if you've ever questioned them too. If I don't list a word you think I should let me know. As I find new words to question I will update this post....but for now here they are (yes cuss words will be listed..you have been warned)





You're Welcome (something you say after being told Thank You)



Your Highness...I like this one, but it took me forever to realize exactly what people were saying



Ass...it's a donkey how'd it become my butt?



shut up....i can understand the shut part...but what about the up?



make out...hummm, okay?

Why do I have to keep having this Conversation

With a new job comes new people, new attitudes, new (old) conversations and new adjustments.
This job is no different. When I start a new job, I sometimes sit back and try to figure people out (like at Disney) but other times I put myself out there not knowing what to expect. Over time I start to get comfortable and my personality sets in, I've stated on this blog before that I have no tolerance for stupidity and I tend to be a quiet person. I don't have to be the center of attention and frankly I can be in a room with someone and not feel obliged to talk to them. Not because I don't like them, but because if I'm in my own head space, that's where I want to be. I'm a multi-tasker, I can do one thing and be thinking about 25 other things at the same time. My mind is always running and when it's running I'm usually not looking to have a conversation with someone else.
I honed this talent the last time I worked in Downtown LA, for most of my time with that company I sat by myself and there were days when I was in the office completely alone. I didn't talk to anyone then and I found that over time I couldn't wait for the noise to die down so that I could be alone. So that I could think, work, just be. I escape in my head and it leads me down different paths. Sometimes I make plans, sometimes I pray, sometimes I reminisce about good times that I've had with good friends.
I'm saying all this because my boss said that she's getting complaints from co-workers that I have a bad attitude. She knows that I like to be quiet sometimes (some of the other people I work with are the exact opposite). They think that because I'm not talking to them that I'm giving attitude. They think because when they ask me a question and I give them the truth that I'm being a bitch. I don't like to sugar coat and I don't have to talk to them.
I was really angered because the person I know complained is my boss' best friend. I've had conversations with him and frankly I'd rather not speak to him about much. He's condescending and "above" it all. When you ask him a question he gives attitude...but still can't help you. I don't complain because I don't feel that there's anything to complain about. I just keep to myself and I don't talk to him. But apparently he feels the need to complain about me. The truth is this, sometimes people need to look at themselves too. I look at myself all the time, I know that I give attitude, I know when I give attitude, but I also know that sometimes, no matter what you say to people or how you say it, they are going to get offend just because you are the one saying it to them.
I'm tired of having to explain myself to people, I don't ask them to explain themselves to me, I don't ask them to cater to me, why are they asking me to do that to them. I talk people at face value and try not to prejudge them based on what other people say. I like to use my own experiences and give people the benefit of the doubt. I try not to step on any toes or rule out any suggestions, but that doesn't go both ways and I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm a bitch when all I want and need is to be in my own space.

Dinner With Friends

So, tonight I'm at the Blackstead house having dinner. Amber, Paul, Mike (Paul's best friend), Laura (Amber's mom), David (Paul's dad) and I all sat down to Bar B Que Tri Tip, Parmesan potatoes, baked beans and Lemon Squares for dessert. The food was really good, Paul grilled the meat and Laura made everything else. We ate around the table and had good conversation.

I love coming over to their house for dinner. It's always a good time with good food and you never know when you are actually going to go home, if you're going to watch a movie or play Guitar Hero. No matter if it's BBQ, roast or orange chicken and potato salad, we always eat well and have a blast.
My favorite meal that Amber cooks is her version of Orange Chicken and fresh made Potato Salad. I don't know how she makes it but I know it's good and after a while I start to crave it. And then I have to give her a call and ask if (or more like when) she'll make it for me again. When her mom's in town, there's always an unspoken guarantee that there will be some kind of fresh homemade sweets in the house. YUMMY!
If you've gone to the link to see my Idaho trip pics then you've seen who all of these people are. When we get together we have fun and laugh alot. Mike and I don't see each other very often so when we get together we act like complete morons and Amber always gives us the O.M.G. look when she thinks we have gotten out of hand. I think that Mike is used to getting that look from all his antics with Paul. But I only get these looks when Mike's around....so yeah, it's all his fault. David is well, he's David...he is tough to crack but when you get used to him, if you can, he's a crack up. His humor is dry and most times you think he's mad at you, but he's not that's just who he is. Laura is nice and she likes everyone (almost), she always gives people the benefit of the doubt and she puts up with all of us crazies and she makes good food.
Anyway, days or nights at the Blackstead are good times. The boys love cars and the girls love talking while we watch the boys work on cars. And I love the dogs...well I love one and I like the other one. She's not really a dog, she's just weird. But, I digress...nevermind...I'll end this post on that thought. Until Next Time...

WICKED!!!!

This past weekend, my friend Amber, my brother and I went to see WICKED at the Pantages theater in Hollywood. So, I thought I would give you a review of the show and tell you about my experience.
First of all, the theater is beautiful, if you like old Hollywood art and history then you have to visit this place. I can only assume that it was renovated prior to this revival of Broadway shows having long engagements in Hollywood theaters. It takes you back to when men wore suits and women knew that dressing up didn't involve jeans and a cute shirt. It was a fabulous place to see a fabulous show.
WICKED is the untold story of the witches from the Wizard of Oz, we see them all Glinda, the Wicked Witch of the West and the Wicked Witch of the East and how their lives were all tangled together and ultimately "wrapped up" when Dorothy and Toto came to town. It takes place in Oz, of course, where there are talking animals, a road made out of yellow brick, a university called SHIZ and of course a Wonderful Wizard.
I do have to say that the musical is based on a book written by Gregory Maguire in 1996. I tried very hard to read this book in it's entirety but after three attempts (the last two i didn't even get as far as the first) I gave up. But I didn't have to read the books to understand what was going on in the musical. In fact, from what I read in the books, the show explained it better anyway.
The outlying set was really mechanical, but if you know anything from the book you understand that it is set is the clock of the time dragon (which in the books, tells the truth of all things, but isn't featured in the musical). There are bright shiney lights all around the set, but they aren't always on, though they'll blind you when they do come on. The costumes, are great they're kinda funky, but you have to expect that, you're in OZ, And the animals talk...they are flying monkeys and yes the Wicked Witch of the West is green.
The truth of the story is simply this... "are we born wicked or is wickedness thurst upon us?". We see the Wicked Witch, whose name is Elphaba, and how she grows thru college and how she comes to be what we see in the Classic tale "The Wizard of Oz". But there's always another side to everyside, and ultimately you see that that tale is just a retelling from someone on the outside trying to look in. You'll laugh, smile and if you're anything like me you'll cry a bit. you'll be moved by the friendships. disgusted by the lies and inspired by the music. The singing is fantastic...and I saw the show with Elphaba's standby actress (the lead wasn't in) she rocked the house...then brought it down.
If you've never seen a musical then I suggest that you go see this one, it's 2 hours long, but it doesn't feel that way and the close of the first act will truly take your breathe away. The only thing is that production on this show stops in January, so if you have the time go....

I know I didn't say much, but I don't want to give the story away and I fear that if I get into the story I'll let something slip. Okay, well here's something...it starts in OZ after Dorothy and the Wizard leave and the story is told in flashback.

Thought for the day

Sometimes we find things around us to distraction us from what we want, need or have to do. It's easy if you have a demanding career, a family, an active social life or even just lots of shows saved on TiVO! But think about what you really want to accomplish, either for yourself or for others...whether it's a goal previously set or just a whim. Sometimes it's good to just sit and put things into perspective and see how your life's going. See where you've come from and how that has changed or empowered you in the now.

I've been thinking back about the last year of my life and wondering how I came to be where I am. I know that it's all God cause if you had asked me a year ago what I would have been doing now, I probably wouldn't have had an answer for you. A year ago, I was working with kids, loving the job, the students, the teachers, the parents...even most of my co-workers. But the boss who ran the show, were jerks, who didn't and don't understand that sometimes you have to help your employees run a successful program instead of doing your best to make their lives miserible. When a pro gram has recooped 95 percent of their budget in the first 3 months of the year then you have to look and say why, how and who is making this happen. It was a team effort with the support of great parents, but ultimately because of one persons bias it is doomed to fail.

I got out of that job and moved on the another, one that started out as promising and was until I had to face the fact that I wasn't happy. The situation, in my eyes, was getting bleak and there was really nothing I could do about it. I took the job as an out of my previous job and for a while it work and I enjoyed but when I really sat down to look at yself I realized I wasn't happy. Once I finally admitted that to myself, God dropped my current job in my lap. I'm happy here, so far so good. I have no complaints. I'm learning new things and ways to look at the world around me.

The truth is that God put me in these three jobs and situations because I had something to learn and I have. I've seen, heard and experienced different things in each place, so my learning has been vastly different, but learn I have...mostly about myself, and how I should treat others....how to understand further how other people behave and why they do so. Lastly, especially in my last job, I learn patience...on many different levels. I'm glad for the experiences and the people I've met along the way... and now that I'm in a new place I can't wait to see what God has instore for me.

I' have a problem...

I'm addicted to the television show "The West Wing", now most of you probably know that the show went off the air about 2 years ago...but what you may not know is that it's in syndication and is run like four times a day on Bravo. So last week the show started over from the beginning and I set my DVR to record it. I always liked the show when it was originally airing, but I have ADD and either life got vivid or I found something else to watch, I turned my back on it. But I'm watching again and I CAN'T stop.

I watch it in the morning and...I'm hopeless. It's ridiculous, I'm nuts. it's so bad that I don't want to watch the other show that are recorded on the DVR and even when I'm bored instead of watching the other shows I re-watch West Wing Episodes....I've even put off watching Star Trek: TNG, which is like my second favorite show of all time. I just don't know what to do with myself. I have been forcing myself to watch other shows so that I can leave WW to my Saturday mornings in bed, but it's not working too well, jeez, what am I going to do!

What I believe

Let me tell you something about myself.



I'm a democrat
I believe in a woman's right to choose
I believe that a gay couple should have rights like any other, but not so sure that marriage is the answer
I believe the war in Iraq is wrong
I believe that everyday my fellow Americans are being killed for a war motivated by revenge and the control of oil.
I believe that the President elected by our country 8 years ago was never allowed to take the oath of office.
I believe that I am a victim, as a citizen, of the power of rich families with historic legacies and how they operate like I don't exist.
I believe that no child left behind doesn't work.
I believe that we are in a place in this country where we have lost not only the respect of the world around us, but the respect we used to have for ourselves.
I believe that we need a change
I believe that I am a 'real' citizen of this country and that Sarah Palin made us look stupider in the last 2 1/2 months then W. did this whole year
I believe that with what happened yesterday there is still hope to hold on to
I believe that ignorance is still rampant in this country and will be because there are some people who aren't willing to listen with respect or step outside their box
I believe that I have seen history
I believe that God is in control....and so should you.

The Election

I know that I haven't spoken about the election very much, in fact I only mentioned it once. But now that it's all said I done I'm going to give my opinion about what has transpired over this past year.
I have been raised a Democrat, my parents have always been the type to voice their opinions about the state of the country and we've always had discussions, as a family, about how we feel things are headed. We try to see who can make the best impact for our nation and which candidate would do the best job. This election was no different, but it was, at least for me. For African American people in this country this election was important but I also think it was tricky. Before Mr Obama was even a real candidate I heard a woman on TV say he wasn't black enough, because his mother was white and he was raised by his white grandparents and that black he's father was from African, he could not be truly classified as an African American. Of course there are lots of people who where going to vote for him because he's brown. Hey, that's there choice, but I wanted to know the man and how he thought.
I never really cared for Hilary Clinton, and although I love her husband, there was always something about her that put me off, but I did and still do think that Bill would be an AWESOME first man! I never felt connected to her. On the flip side, I never felt connected to any of the Republican candidates.
John McCain, although he did suffer as a P.O.W. for this country, wasn't in touch with me. I can't trust a man to take my needs and concerns seriously if he's never had to deal with them. Yes, I'm talking about living paycheck to paycheck as appose to not really having to check your bank account and worrying about losing your house and being put on the street, cause you don't have 11 (more or less) other ones to live in. And as a 29 year old woman, I don't think that this man from my grandmother's generation can really understand what I see and go through.
I knew that to be true when he picked Gov. Palin to be his running mate. As a woman, I was shocked and disappointed that this woman was given the national stage to parade around on like the perfect wife and mother. I was irritated that she was thought to be more of a mother to her pregnant teenager daughter then other women in the same position. And frankly, I was offended when during her debate she wanted to talk to the "real" American people and ended up sounding like an uneducated idiot. I'm a real American, but I don't speak that way and maybe she means that real Americans aren't really intelligent but rednecks...and if that's true then she just blew off every one else in this country.
There are reasons why people vote the way they do, but I voted my heart. I heard this man speak, he was consistent, warm and thoughtful. He didn't try to hide behind things that happened 40 years ago and he didn't shy away from the hard stuff. I honestly feel that he conducted himself in outstanding fashion, in such away that every American, not only blacks, should be proud of.

Do I believe that he can change this country around, yes, but he's going to have a hell of a time wading through the muck and myer left by W. The bad thing is that I don't think the country will give him enough time to clean up the mess, remember it took 8 years to get this deep, it's gonna take at least 8 more to clean it up.
At this point I am hopeful for the future, I am hopeful for our country and I'm hopeful for the world. And I pray not only for the safety of President Elect Obama and his family, but also that our current president won't do anything else to sabotage the White House and our nation before we square off and kick him out!

Twilight

Okay , I mentioned before that I read this book series this past summer, well I loved it and the only reason I found the books was because of the movie. Now, at first I thought the trailer looked stupid but after reading the books and whose going to be on the soundtrack and seeing like 5 different trailers, I'm completely excited about it. In fact I'm so excited that every time I see a new trailer or commercial I get even more excited.

I only know two people who have actually read the book (twilight) and a ton of others who want to read it...so I have a question. Who wants to go see the movie.

With less than a month away (22 days to be exact) til opening weekend, we are running out of time to make good plans to see this movie. Honestly I would love to see it on opening weekend but I'm not trying to beat up anyone. I enjoy my movie experiences way too much for me to see it with a 100 screaming teenage girls and their screaming middle-aged moms (check out the twilight moms website, they're out there). So I might wait and go the week after opening, but I'm excited and if anyone wants to go see it with me. Let me know I'll be there!

My New Job

Hey, i thought i'd come by and let everyone know how my new job was going. i've been at this new place for three days (my first day was friday). i'm now working in downtown la in a law firm (which i won't name here). it's great, closer to home and i can car pool with my mom so that i don't have to pay for parking.
i'm now working in a field called "office services". currently i'm the person in charge of hospitality services. basically, i'm in charge of making sure the 3 kitchens are fully stocked at all times and setting up and breaking down conference rooms before and after meetings. it sounds easy and honestly once you know what you are doing it is, but it's been difficult at times, especially yesterday, when i had to run around trying to find things that weren't where they should be. then restocking everyone cause, as it turned out, no one had done that in a while.
today was a much better, i was on top of stuff and i figure that tomorrow will be even better so that by this time next week i will be able to fly through the day without any worries and will maybe be able to start training and learning other office service duties.

i'm enjoying the job! i work in a law firm so people are professional and they mind their own business, i'm not worried about other people i can just do what i need to do. best part, i'm not standing in the sun talking to rude and uncurtieous people anymore and i can take a break when i really need to, and not worry about the fact that the work's not getting done. the job can be demanding, i see that, but it'll only get bad if i'm not doing what i'm supposed to do. if i stay on top of my work, then i'll be fine....honestly i'm not worried about it at all.
working in an air conditioned building is fantastic....let me tell you!


so basically so far so good...if there's anything else, i'll let you know. And to answer your question, i'm not sad that i left Disney, i was ready to go, just sad that i left good people in that same sad situation. Disney was the means to an end so i can take it for that, it was a special time cause i met great people but as a job it kinda sucked

the picture below...

is of the two brothers from a band called Tokio Hotel. They are a German Band, that I first saw on the MTV Music Video Awards...I thought he was a she but then he started talking.

I put this picture up simply to get a response from people. Thanks for playing along.


Kristi don't worry, I'd never heard of them before September. You're not out of the loop

Dont Buy Cheap Stuff

A couple of months ago my dad came into my bathroom and saw that our toilet seat was broken. So he went out and bought us a new one (from like the liquor store down the hill). Well it sucks, and low and behold, when you buy cheap things they brake. That's what happened to the "new" cheap toilet seat! After about two months it's now broken. The first seat lasted for over two years...this one only lasted two months.
I told my mom when he got it, that it was cheap....didn't fit and terrible to put on the actual toilet. And, in fact, the seat actually broke after about a week and a half! Now I have to go buy a new one, when I wasn't complaining about the original to begin with. (Neither one of us, my bro or I, were complaining about it). Anyway, all this to say, don't buy cheap stuff, it sucks!

the possibilities

READ THE PREVIOUS POST BEFORE READING THIS ONE!

Okay, so I said I was really excited about the new job I have...there are tons of reasons I'm excited. I get to wear normal clothes for one (i do have to wear a company shirt 4 days a week, but other than that I get to dress myself). I can wear jewelry and actually act like a normal person instead of a perfect person (as expected sometimes). I'm just excited of the new possibilities in front of me. And not having to stifle myself creatively anymore. I'm also very excited about being able to use my hands for more than punching a computer screen. That will be exciting.
I might sound crazy but that's okay. I'm starting to feel free!

Goodbyes and Hellos

This post may surprise everyone (well at least those who don't already know). I have always painted the picture of my job at Disney as being "rosey", and it has been. I really like being there overall, but over time things have become extremely tedious, the biggest of these being the amount of money I make, the second being the constant abuse I take from inconsiderate guests. Other than those two things I really enjoy the job.
This week, I was called and pretty much offered a new job at a Law firm downtown, more hours, more money, closer to home and I think a better fit and opportunity for me at this stage in my life. So, I took it and in two weeks I will no longer be an employee of the Disney Company. When things first started happening on Tuesday evening, I was very hesitant about it all, but when I woke up on Wednesday morning I was relieved and calm. I knew/know God is in control of this situation. And, without going into detail, I know that this whole thing is an answer to a silent prayer.
So, I wanted to share my Good news with you all, because that's what I do. I will now be able to live comfortably and not have to stay at home and not enjoy my life simply because I can only afford to put gas in my car. I believe that God placed me at Disney in order to learn somethings about myself that I can use in my future and I have learned alot. I'm so excited about my new place, that I can't forget to be "here" in the current place. I'm ready to move on and that's exciting.
I probably won't post more about this until I start the new job. By then you might not be able to shut me up!

Pearl Jam, My Neighborhood and Memories

This has been a bittersweet week for me. My friend Annisa's father passed away and I went to the memorial service (Rosary) on Thursday night. I hadn't seen her father in a couple of years and hadn't seen her mother or brothers for even longer.
I saw them Thursday and it was an eye opener. Her brother Gabby, who's taking their father's death very hard, had some really nice things to say. Memories, that I remember, but with his perspective. I realized how much apart of the family I was for a time, and how much I missed them all since I've haven't been around.
Annisa's other brother Juanito (Juana, as I used to call him), is a different story. You know that person that will always give you butterflies...he's it for me. I realized on Thursday that, he was the first person that I ever really fell in love with and even after all this time, he still has a place in my heart. Don't get me wrong, there was never a relationship and there were many of us infatuated with him at the time and he's a bug ho. But it didn't matter, there was a time that I remember only having eyes for him.
The memorial service was sad (but I'm going to write about that in another post) until Annisa's uncle got up to say somethings...that's when a tear came to my eye. I remember some of the things he talked about, we all had a special time with Juan (who i called dad or pop). I didn't know many people there, but I could relate to what was said cause I had the same experiences with him as others did. He was a wonderful man, but I do believe he was heartbroken, he never showed it though. I will always remember going to Magic Mountain with him and the way he wanted to ride everything....he face was lit up like a kids and we had a great time. That was a fun day that I won't forget.


I was driving through my neighborhood the other day with the window down. There's something about a familiar smell that brings memories flooding back into your mind. That's what happened. I have issues with my neighborhood. I'd like to move away, but for now this is where I am and i can except that but I felt a longing for my neighborhood that I hadn't felt in a long time. Now, when I say my neighborhood I don't mean where my house is, I mean my old stomping grounds of Boyle Heights, where I went to school where I walked to the park and my grandma's house. Walking for High School to my house in the summer's slowly but surely losing friend's as we came to their houses and finally ended up by myself. Waiting for the bus by the Jack in the Box or going to Maria's house on the bus (and letting myself in with my key). Going from Light and Life to Evergreen Park and back. Walking to the market from my grandma's house and back.
It was nice to remember those things and to look at this place that I've started to feel so uncomfortable with with fond eyes. I do miss my neighborhood, the way it used to be when I lived in it. Before life took me to other places. Boyle Heights will always have a special fond place in my heart.


Pearl Jam....my favorite band! The first album I ever bought with my own money was Pearl Jam's debut album Ten...it was awesome and I listened to it all the time. I remember my dad wanting to hear it...I think he was surprised that bought a tape (it was a tape) but a "rock" band. Cause my previous taste in music was New Kids on the Block! (don't hate). Anywho, I loved them and their music and when the grunge argument of who's better Nirvana or Pearl Jam, I was firmly on the PJ side of it.
I bought their CD's after ten, most disappeared, my brother ruined my ten CD and never replaced it, but because of sites like you tube I can listen to them whenever I want! I love youtube! And I love Pearl Jam. If you don't know who they are...listen to the song Black off the album Ten....it's my favorite song of all time. ALL TIME. It's lovely and it's what made me fell in love with Eddie Vedders voice.



Enjoy!

Life is short, precious and once, don't take that for granted!
I watched a man have a seizure today, I watched him fall and lay rolling around on the ground trying to breathe! I also saw the aftermath when he attempted to "walk it off" (I guess). In that moment I felt so hopeless, so helpless, there was nothing I could do, my natural instinct to run over and help was thwarted by the rules of my job and in truth, what would I have done?
Nothing really, I don't know how to handle that situation so in my ignorance I probably would have hurt him or myself. Over the last few weeks, I've been trying to find some prospective on life and I think after searching it landed in front of me today.
Life is short and we let the meaningless get in the way to much sometimes. Forgiveness isn't so much for the other but for you. Love should be shared with all and happiness is contagious, so spread it. Don't take those around you for granted and love those who make it hard to love. Remember the person you hate could care less, that hatred is your burden not theirs, let it go.

Until Next Time...

Free Flow

Open your eyes to the sky above you and listen to the rain fall,


Sometimes you've got to pick yourself up and make the changes you need to make to get by


I've walked a long time to get what I want and still I have to walk more for it to be in my reach


Cherish your life, cause when it's gone it's gone...time is precious life is wonderful.


Watch the wind blow the trees


Watch the people go by, take time to watch life...then take time to live it.


There is always a time to sit back and enjoy what the hard work brings...don't let it pass you


Find the music of your heart, the soundtrack of your life and move with it.


No, let it move you


Remind yourself those who don't have but don't become disillusioned.


There's a plan in place that we can't see but if we don't do our part we will never find what's in store


Make mistakes....learn from them....learn from others....learn!


As we are reminded everyday....life is short, so don't let it pass you by....live it!

Something you may need to hear

I just wrote a word of encouragement to my friend. And after I sent it I sat thinking about how I knew it was what she needed. In truth, I could be really off, with what I said and she could be thoroughly confused. But because the way the words flowed out of me I'm thinking it was the right thing to say. Now after thinking about it, I believe God wants me to give the same (almost) words to someone who reads this blog....it could be one of you, it could be all...I hope that whoever needs to hear it does.


Just wait, it's coming...God has a plan for you and his plan happens in HIS time. It's a reminder that we all need to hear sometimes. You're probably frustrated and have grown impatient, but don't give up or in. Things are coming and you are being prepared for them. There's a light at the end of the tunnel that you might not be able to see yet, but keep walking...run your fingers against the wall and keep pushing forward. And when you fall put your hands in the air and He will lift you up onto your feet. Remember that sometimes, you need to talk...that why He surrounded you with the people around you. Also remember that times He's not only preparing you for what ahead He's also preparing them.


Hope that helps...love you!

Misc...

So I haven't written in a while because I haven't had anything to write about. Life's been pretty mundane and down right boring...but I should write something so here are some tidbits to tied us all over until I find something to write about....


I bought a new alarm clock, my old one died in the middle of the night, luckily I wake up and look at the clock at least once every night so I noticed it before I over slept. The new one is pretty cool. Its a clock radio and it does all these neat things...and it works, which is the important thing.
Came to the park with my family on Tuesday (9/16) to celebrate my brothers birthday. We had fun, but at about 5 I was done and ready to go. It was a long day.
I went by my old job to say hi to the people I like and ignore everyone else. The drama never ends there but at least people seem to be leaving to better themselves. And I realized I don't miss it as much as I thought I did.

Washington Mutual is in the crapper get your money out soon.

Finally (I know someone may ask about this so I'm just going to say it). Next year's theme at the Disney Parks and Resorts is "A Time to Celebrate/What are you Celebrating" something to that effect. And it was announced that you can come into the parks for free on your birthday...yes free...but here's the catch. You can't just show up and say its my birthday let me in. You have to register with Disney, probably via Disney.com and you have to provide proof of your birth date upon arrival. So, if you are thinking about coming to the park on your birthday for free in 09, please do the research and don't embarrass yourself at the gate. And please don't claim to know me cause I ain't gonna help you if you're acting like a crazy person.

You Tube

So, youtube is like one of the greatest inventions to come along with this new age of the internet. You can go on their and create your own web identity or like me use it to search for interesting content and old videos you saw 15 years ago!!!

I was on youtube earlier today and watched info on the Musical Wicked, old hair band music videos and behind the scenes footage of Idina Menzel making her album. I've never made a video for youtube, but I do enjoy watching what others have made. It also keeps me connected to one of my favorite bands (GIRLS ALOUD) who are from the UK and don't have any music in the US. I really appreciate the people who take the time to upload videos....also I appreciate the people who run fansites, cause those are cool too.

So if, for some reason, you haven't tried youtube...go there now and type in something from your past and see what comes up! It's cool, really it is!

Perspective

Sometimes you think to yourself, "nothing surprises me anymore", then something you least expected surprises you. I'm going through that right not, the only thing is it really doesn't surprise me, more like wow, that was a bold and nonsensical thing to do or say.
People are illrational (I don't think that's a real word) sometimes and you have to weed through their craziness in order to get to the truth. But the truth is hard to define. We all see truth differently, two people may watch or witness the samething, but because of their background or experiences they'll take it in and process it in a completely different way.
Differences are what make us special and unique but they can also be the cause of misunderstandings, prejudice and general saddness around us. I try my best to see things from others perspectives, to see what I may not see and to feel how they may feel because of an experience suffered in their past. I try to do that with the people around me...sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. And then there are other times when I think, wish and hope that people would stop and try to do that for me. I guess I'll never actually know if that hope was rewarded. But right now I feel like its hopeless.

hiatus

I'm going on hiatus, not from this blog but from the world, I need to be alone with myself and my thoughts. I need to plan and decide what I want from my life. I need to pray and find what I want from the people around me and how best to relay that information to them, because my current way isn't working. So I'm going to try something different.
Thanks Kristi and MM for your support

Sometimes...

you see signs that you ignore because you're not ready to take the truth at face value. I sometimes wonder why I lock myself away and cover my head with pillows, it seems that the world has it out for me.
When people disappoint me I look at myself and wonder what I did to make them act that way. But sometimes, the signs I chose to ignore clarify that it was never really my fault at all. I'm always too eager to love people and be loved back. THAT'S MY BIGGEST FLAW!!! I crave love, I crave being cared about and I try to give that to others. So when I am hurt, it's devastating to me, it breaks my heart and my head can't wrap itself around it.
I've put my heart away and I don't know if I will ever really be ready to take it back out. The unfortunate thing is the people who hurt you never know because if they were really looking at you they would have seen the signs that you were slowly starting to fall apart.
I sometimes dote on certain people on this page...that's because those are the folks I always feel I can count on... sometimes you realize that you can't count on everyone you think you can.

TV Sucks

I've realizes since I've been housesitting this week, that Television sucks nuggets!

I'm used to coming home and finding things I've recorded on my DVR, but since I'm not at home and I'm not recording stuff on my DVR, I'm realizing that the current state of television is just crappy.

There's nothing on but reruns and old movies that I've seen a thousand times, and I'm tired of it. It's all ridiculous! Reality shows suck, regular shows suck and all we have left is commercials... but those suck too. So I'm left to surfing the web, which you can only do for so long. I should probably go to bed, but it's still early so I'm just gonna to sit here and on go too crazy.

And keep surfing the web!

New Posts

I just posted some new poems I've written, one is old (from last year) the others came to me over the past five days I was out of town. I tried something different, I allowed my brain to work unhindered allowing the words to flow out of me and not stop them. In the end, as I was editing, I enjoyed them so much that I didn't change anything I allowed them to be what they are.


I don't write for anyone but myself, so if these poems don't reveal themselves to you, then oh well, I'm not going to worry about it. If they do, then I'm sure you get something different out of them then anyone else does. Please don't call me and ask if there's anything wrong either, my writing is mine, if there's something wrong with me that's my problem. And besides there's something wrong with all of us.


Enjoy them if you will, and if you don't... to bad!

The World From a Place

Sitting above the heavens to catch a glimpse of earth below, like a magic veil being lifted from my eyes I see the contrasting of colors, textures and terrain
I am lost in wonder as my world and skies are laid bare before me. Clouds of white cotton soft unimposing, but protective of whats below, kiss my feet with cool lightness quickly moving on to their next victim, leaving me breathless and undeniably eager for more.
It this where the angels tread? Their wings fluttering through the gaps where sunlight shines down to earth? Or is this place so perfect that God did not intend us to see it, but we defied him as always, seeking the knowledge he reserved for himself ? To that thought I am partial. I am in awe of the quiet beyond my window and yearn to sit on a cloud and watch the world unfold below me.
Vast as an ocean of green, brown, white and blue hues. Cities of lights, deserts bare and trails cut deep I cannot distinguish them but am content to do nothing but watch the time pass from my perch.
The sun beats my back and I am drawn into the my cool cotton home and listen to things I do not understand or care to.
I am home, in heaven, in this perfect place above the clouds where my heart is content and wants nothing more.

Untitled

Fill my heart with contentment and make me believe that all is well.
Listen to my whines with compassion, tell me no lies, remind me of love and passion
Kiss me with all you are believe me and my heart as I believe yours
Let us lye together in silence while the outside world spins around us
I am you and you are me, we need say nothing our minds are one
Like flower and field we are together for all time
Love me so your heart desires, I need you more to be my all
Lead me onto air and mystery
Make me your woman as I make you my and our love shall never end

Mistake nothing you have seen as truth, there is none here. Only shadows and lies of plenty, moving curiously through ages of folk who know nothing more than old wives tales passed down through generations of misguided elders.

Nothing in this world is folly; all is fake. Fields spring forth to nothingness and freeze in winter's depth. Summer rides eastern skies and triumphs as knocking doors cringe at heat. I am a rock of unyielding strength that cries as sorrow spreads.

Wake my mind if you dare and I will run you bare with gospel and toil, remove yourself from me but take heed at my words for I am the lies that you have heard.

March yourself into the fire, make yourself right in the lord and see the falling of all this earth. I am the message that you speak; all men shiver and fall before me.

Sleep in your dreams with care and suspicion for I am your Eden. Search no more for truth, this place has none for you.

Find yourself a manner in which to dwell and sell the secret you should not tell, for my words are death in it's simplest form... to covet, to clutch, to yearn, to warn.

I am the seeker set on path to guide those that must be glad to find themselves a way to see the truth behind beautiful things men create to show their charms and women wear upon their breast and me, I can assuredly attest that all is not above the rest, there is no place for rotten shores in heaven rigid corridors, I find myself a slight enemy to the nothingness that pursues me.

So hear my words oh sullen folk, drink the truth that I spoke and convince yourself of this fact; the truth is a lie more neatly wrapped.

Work In Progress

I am a work in progress...
A product of growth between promises that turned to lies and scarred the people who raised me.
I am a confused specimen carrying the load of someone else's burdens felt deep within my heart as if they were my own.
I am a child of a community that looks on me as if I were a stranger, but they don't know the history that surrounds my name.
I am a child of Reaganomics, R and B dominance... born when New Wave took hold and Disco cut it's own throat
I am that girl you see who yearns to be free but under the surface I've tied myself to a tree
I am silently trying not to be my father's child when my anger takes hold of me and all I know is that he's scolded me because I didn't put the pillow back in the right place...
Silently trying not to be my mother's daughter when she hit me in the face with her belt buckle... no apologizes, just disgrace...
I am the inexcusable result of years of abuse, the punishment of self that only a child can endure... aching, pleading, dying
I am the star of my own sitcom based on the non formal sense of normality
I am an unopened gift of regret and doubt, the lack of anger increases that which is not of worth
I am the childless mother who longs to hold the warmth of her child in her arms and cries when she must let go


I am...

I'm Back!!!!

hey here's a link to some pictures from my trip. There are pictures on this site that I took and some that Mike took, I don't think that Amber and Paul's are up yet. But feel free to enjoy them!



Not all of my pictures are up yet and they probably won't be for a while, so bare with me, they should all be up by the of next week.


I will definitely post something about my trip at a later time (maybe tomorrow), I just haven't had anytime to do it since I got here. See ya, enjoy the pics




http://www.eczema-nuts.com/gallery

hello Ipod update

Fortunately for everyone involved, my ipod has been retored to it's former glory! My music was still there and all I had to do was sync my Ipod to the Itunes system. I'm very happy and have since then import more music for my enjoyment.
See Ya!

Idaho here I come...

I was going to write this tomorrow but I'm not going to have anytime, so here we go!

I am leaving for Idaho tomorrow night, I will be there for one week with my best friend Amber, her husband Paul and Paul's best friend Mike. We are visiting their parents in Lewiston for five fun filled days.
I'm really looking forward to the experience and seeing another one of our great United States! (actually two)...We are flying into Spokane tomorrow night and from LAX, our flight should be cool, I'll have the window seat...awesome.
I'm really excited and happy to be away from work (which has been very trying lately) and being able to get a rest, it's going to be good. So, I should have to stories and pictures coming soon, but I won't be writing until at least the next Wednesday
I'll see you then!

Ipod/Itunes

The Ipod/Itunes situation at my house is outta control. My mom and I are the only two people with Ipods, but my parents don't really know how to work Itunes. In fact, our Itunes has been down because my dad did something while my ipod was syncing and I had stepped away from the computer. So although the itunes interface works (I can still import music and charge and sync my Ipod) we can't get onto the Itunes site to buy and download new music. I've known this for about 3 months and tried to get it working again, but it doesn't. My dad only found out about it last week and has been freaking out ever since. Because of what he did all their music is gone! And they can't get it back cause they can't get on the site to do so.
So last night my dad asks me if I still had his music on my Ipod....he used my ipod for jury duty, he broke the headphones and refuses to replace them, now even if I did have his music still, I wouldn't let him use my ipod again, so what he could break something else?
When I told him I didn't have it, I mentioned that they could still import music onto the itunes interface, he decided (after sitting in the car blaring his music and disturbing everyone!) to add a Michael Jackson Cd to his interface. Well, my Ipod was charging at the time and when he opened up Itunes it started to Sync. I caught what he was doing and tried to get over there before he could ruin my Ipod and I thought I caught him, but I didn't! He noticed that all my music was on his screen and asked me why, I told him because he let it snyc, so all my stuff showed up on his screen....
Fast forward to this morning, on the shuttle from the parking lot to the park, I took out my Ipod and got ready to listen, only to find out that all...I repeat ALL my music is gone. So what am I supposed to do, I leave on vacation in 4 days and I don't have anytime to replace my music if its totally lost...I'm so mad!

Now my dad is saying that I erased all the music, I did erase my music from his interface screen, but I had already unplugged my Ipod, because he was messing stuff up. So again he's messed up my Ipod and it's my fault. It's ridiculous but he just doesn't get it...cause "he knows what he's doing", yeah right!

Harry Potter, July 2009

So, here are some things you should know about me....(don't worry I'll get to the title of this post soon enough).
I'm the oldest child of Randal and Shirley Slayton, my parents have been together 31 OR 32 years. I have one sibling named Randal Jr. and I've lived and gone to school in East Los Angeles, Boyle Heights, City Terrace all my life.
I sing and write and make a fool out of myself on a regular basis and I love the people around me, even if I don't tell them enough. I wouldn't allow you in my life if I didn't love you! I love to listen to music...some of my earliest memories involve music, because my father is a musician. I love to read and I love to watch movies.
Reading and movies are the same thing to me...if a book is done right, while you read it, there should be a picture in your head continuously playing out what you read like a movie. It should take you away from the place you are and transport you into the world the author has created. In that same token, a movie does the same thing. I love movies because I can be completely lost in a world I don't belong to. Sometimes its an epic adventure, sometimes its heartache, sometimes love. But all these things are wonderful stories that sweep me away to a place where nothing else matters for a short amount of time.

Some of my favorite books have recently been turned into movies....Lord of the Rings, Twilight (which is a new favorite, but still I couldn't put the book down) and of course, the Harry Potter Saga. I learned with LOTR that I can't be disappointed with a movie version of a book, I have to learn to appreciate it on a separate plain. It's different and that's okay, as long as the director is trying to stay true while, trying to deliver his/her best work.
I love the LOTR Trilogy and am grateful for the work Peter Jackson did on it, and for the fact the he tried to stay as true as possible while also trying to deliver a great film/s. Even though my love for the Harry Potter Universe runs as deep as the world of Arda, I am not quite so in love with all of the HP movies like I am with LOTR.
I understand that WB couldn't hire the same director to do all 7 (or 8) HP films, but I do question some of their choices. For Prisoner of Azkaban, WB hired Alfonso Curion, who had won great acclaim for his work the year before, but it seemed to me like he took the previous movies and book and threw them out the window turning the HP world into a horrible reinterpretation of itself. He jacked up the timeline and confused people, even those of us who read the book! Even though his misguided attempt made money, I am sad to say that I refuse to watch the movie when it's on. That is my least favorite HP movie, but it seems like later directors took their lead from that third film and started building theirs on top of the shady foundation. A joke I think, even though the material does get darker, big things changed that just don't make sense (I'm not going to get into them cause this is already long!).
Now, I don't agree with everything done in the movies, but I do plan my year around when the next HP is coming out (I know, it's sad). This year there where only a handful of films I knew I wanted to see when we rang in the new year....

Prince Caspian
Wanted
The Dark Knight
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

You all now that I was upset that I hadn't seen a trailer, but rejoiced when I finally did. Now I hear that the last movie of the year (beside twilight) that I wanted desperately to see has been pushed back to July 2009! The blame is being put on the write strike! But I think that just a bunch of crap! It's about the money. The WB has made enough money to cover the misguided and horrible Speed Racer, The Dark Knight and now Harry Potter.
They have made the money back that they spent on those films and now don't feel like they need to put Harry out now, save to make money next summer. Well that sucks, you can't have one of you two biggest franchises list for a year as coming out a certain day, give us fans a trailer and then say "Well you know, maybe next year!" This isn't the world series this is even more important especially to people like me, who go to the movies and enter a world to lose themselves and forget about their troubles.
I'm so disappointed!