Friday, January 25, 2013

Not Myself




I don't feel like myself...
I feel distant and weird and not in control, not confident

This all started off so perfectly, my excitement was barely containable, but my excitement faded into doubt and nervousness...the overhwhelming fear that eats away at my heart and soul.

I don't know what to do! I don't know who I am right now...my whole life feels like it's falling apart instead of moving forward.

It's in these moments that I'd usually say God where are you? But I know where he is...he's exactly where I left him. I should be saying where am I? Why did I allow my doubts, my self harm to pull me away from the one who loves and cares for me. The one whose steps I'm following. The one who is beside me leading me forward because he knows I can't do it alone.

Why am I here, the storm before the calm. I'm starting to feel like I can't do this, it's all overwhelming, it's all too much. I know you put this in motion, I know you are giving me the desires of my heart, but I don't know if I can do it anymore. As much as I want it, I don't know if I can have it.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Blocked!



  I have so many things I want to say...

  There are so many things floating through my head right now.

  So much happiness, so much nervousness
 
  So many things I'm excited about...

  but I can't seem to properly share any of them...

  I think I'm having a bit of writers' block...

  So we'll all have to wait...

  Until Next Time!