Thursday, June 27, 2013

Suck It Up, Make it Work


 Over the last couple of weeks I've been really down about my living and work situation. I've been over thinking and wondering if I made the right decision. Commuting almost 4 hours ever weekday has left me drained and sometimes irritable (but that last part isn't really new). I feel like I'm constantly tired and I've limited my wiggle room as far as finishing out on a strong work day (I have to make sure I am completely done with my projects about 20 minutes before I leave to make sure I don't miss any trains, for someone who likes to handle everything and give every task it's proper attention this has been really hard).

  This morning however, I realized what the real problem is. It's that I just need to suck it up and stop thinking I did something wrong. Part of the problem is hearing, quite frequently, that I need to get a job closer to home(like that hasn't been my goal). Or someone I don't know questioning why I moved there instead of just staying where I was without knowing anything or caring anything about me (basically people who just want to throw their opinion at me, but don't know me enough to do so). My roommate's sister is in town and has told me, more than anyone else, that I just can't do this and need to find a job closer. It's quite ridiculous actually, but I'll leave it alone because I know she's just trying to be helpful. It's not helpful though and it's making me question this whole thing (so has the recent adventure in crazy town with my roommate, but I digress). I know the decision I made, I knew it wouldn't be easy to commute and to find a job, although I didn't think it'd be this difficult. So until otherwise I'm living on the train and waking before the Sun does...and you know what, I'm okay with that and everyone else should be too.

   Everyone lives their lives in the way they choose and why should I confirm to someone else's thoughts just because they think I moved too far away. The reality is, the people who are making these comments (not just my roommates' sister), don't really know me from anything. I made this decision years ago, it just took time to see it through and since I have I am not willing to let it go easily. Even if that means that I have to wake up before the Sun does and live on the train...this is what I wanted, so I'm sucking it up and living it.

   Until Next Time,

   ~m

Monday, June 24, 2013

Shakes My Head

 
  My roommate informed me last night that she got HBO for the next 6 months. She told me the reason she got it was because she and her sister (who's in town helping her out) wanted to see "Magic Mike".
 
  I shake my head because we have Time Warner and TW has an On demand feature where you can rent a movie for 5 dollars and if you don't like it (as in this case) it was only 5 dollars.
 
  I'm going to assume she doesn't know about this feature, therefore didn't look up the movie on On demand and felt like she really needed to pay for HBO for 6 months. Which works for me because 2 of my favorite shows are on HBO and Cinemax and will both run during this time so I'll be able to watch them.
 
  Oh well...until next time,

  ~m

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

What day is it?



I know it's Wednesday, but I couldn't remember that this morning...nor could I remember what day it was when I got home last night.

It's been that kind of week. Busy and seemingly non-stop. Work has been crazed and I'm running low on energy and sleep.

I'm starting to think that this whole thing wasn't very well thought out. One extra hour would be so sweet, but I can't afford that.

Coffee has legitimately turned into my new best friend and I'm so tired when I get home that dinner has become but a distant memory...even stopping to grab something fast is too much.

Well, that's me checking in....going to go to lunch soon...hopefully I won't fall asleep whereever I go.

Until Next Time...

~m

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Babies, Babies and More Babies


 Saturday I went to a 1 year old's birthday party and it was the first time in a long time that I found myself wanting a child. There were babies and kids everywhere I turned and I just became overwhelmed with it all.
  I found myself wondering what it would be like to attend a family party in the park with my kids...wondering if I'd be fun or stressed. Worried or content or just crazed. I wondered what it would have been like to have a husband and my kids at that party. Wondering if I'd have kids who would have playmates their own age or if they'd be in the awkward middle area between big groups of my friends kids.
  Sadly, I brought myself back to reality I was at that party alone...no husband (or boyfriend) or kids in sight. It made the wondering and longing that much more promenate, much more potent and so much sadder. Today, 3 days later I'm still really sad about it.

Anniversary....but is it good?



  Today is my 1 year anniversary at my job. I'm happy about it, I'm glad to be here. I enjoy my work and (most of) the people I work with. But it's been a year and the position I took as a Summer Temp as expanded, but I'm still a temp. I won't say that I'm vital to the office, because they can find any monkey to do my job, but I will say that over the year there have definitely been days, weeks and months that without me, this department would have fallen apart.
  I've been okay with not knowing if I am going to be hired full time, because, after a year and a half of not working I was just happy to work and the funds I've earned have given me the freedom to move out and be on my own. However, now that I am on my own, with no one to fall back on I am starting to worry and grow impatient about becoming a permanent full time employee. There are things I'd like to have...like vacation and sick days. And maybe get some sort of raise (my end of year review for 2012, was literally perfect!) but I don't qualify because I'm only a temp and it sucks, but I come to work everyday and I do my job to the best of my ability.
  Now I'm thinking, it's been a year with no hired date in sight, so should I just look elsewhere for a place that will have me straight away without having to wait and see what corporate is going to do about this and that or should I sit back and ride this out just to wait and see where it takes me? I'm leaning toward the latter...actually I'm firmly on that side of the fence. As much as I would love to stay here for years I don't think that's really what's in the cards for me. Honestly, truly down deep inside, I want to have a job closer to home. I just have to find it. My only apprehension is knowing that the grass isn't always greener and although I want what I want...it may leave me longing to have what I have right now.
  So today is sort of bittersweet. I'm happy to be working...happy to have a year under my belt...but sad that I'm still not really apart of the team and not really here. Still standing with one foot in and one foot out.

Until Next Time

 ~m


I feel for Paris Jackson.
I can't even imagine what her life has been like
What she's feeling or why she felt like she had to go to this level to get help.
Apparently this wasn't the first time, but it's the most serious.
She needs help
She needs someone to look after her, who can
I'm sorry, but her 83 year old grandma (although I understand why Michael picked her )
may not be exactly what she needs.
She also doesn't need people around her
who will use her for fame or fortune.
I feel for her
I pray for her
and I hope she's okay.

The Era of Big Brother


So last week news hit that the NSA is secretly spying on American citizens via Google, Facebook, Yahoo, Mircosoft and Apple. People have been outraged by this fact coming to light. But why is this news to anyone? There was this thing called the "Patriot Act" that basicly gave the government the freedom to listen in to all of our private phone calls. W signed it in secret and when we all discovered what he was up to we got the "it's for your own protection" line. There was nothing we could do because he violated many laws governing our right to privacy to "protect" us. So, even though people gripe about it still, most of us just live with it.

I started to monitor my own online "language" and subject matter that I discuss after 9/11. Once I realized that the government put out a hit list on the songs the radio was allowed to play I knew it was only a matter of time before my own words would be monitored and maybe even sensored. Then a list was released...the list was of words that you should not say or text or type online...they would be red flagged and subject to government "inspection". Over the last 12 years the government has moved more and more into our "private and personal" lives in order to protect us from the terrorists. As sad as these facts are...there's nothing to be done about them...unless you decide to go off the grid and never use a phone or the computer again. Also, if you have a camera on any device hooked to the internet, assume that the government can turn it on when they want and peered into your home.

I wasn't surprised by the "revelations" that the NSA is spying on us or that the President knew about it. I'm not surprised that it's been justified as a necessary step in protecting the country or that no apologies will be given. What I am surprised by is people's outrage and naivete about the subject. In an age where most people give away WAY to much info on the internet it's very surprising that anyone would be upset by the NSA reading your stupid facebook updates or twitter rants. Or even your stupid blog posts about the government reading your blog posts!

Oh and another thing...if you think this started after 9/11 I'd like to direct you to this place called the FBI and it's former head J. Edgar who, if I'm not mistaken, had pretty much the entire country wiretapped before he died.

Well, that's all for me...

Until Next Time!

~m

Monday, June 03, 2013

OH MY GOD!!!!!!




I just realized that there are no more Hostess Cupcakes! AHHHHHHHHH

I know that Hostess went out of business, but everyone was so focused on the twinkie that I didn't even think about the cupcake!

Oh, how I love and miss you cupcake (this after I spent about 20 minutes looking for them on Saturday (at 2 different stores).

I'm so sad now!

Ramblings...Part 1



  Leaving Twitter has been harder than I thought it would be. I find myself wanting to give snarky comments about things that happen in life and on Television, but I have no one to make them to. Those are the comments I'd tweet...but alas, no Twitter means no way to snark. I do know that eventually this impulse will fade (not the snarky comments, but the want to tweet them). I'll find another outlet. I didn't always have a twitter, so it's not like I don't know how to live without...it was just so convenient!
 
   I had a dream that a 15 year old I've know all her life got married. When I asked her why she said "all we do is make out and bone, so we thought we should just get married already. Oh and we had a baby after you moved away". Needless, to say I woke up a little worse for wear after that.

  I'm not sure who has a better accent....Lindsay Graham or Mitch McConnell...just sayin'

 

Missing Politics


Yes, that may sound weird, but it's true. I miss politics.
Over the course of the last several years I started to slowly but surely move away from the mainstream media. In fact, it was after a prime time newscast started with a top story that was about Paris Hilton that I decided enough was enough! I still watched cable news and read newspapers, but I started to see the slant in every story and how news was becoming more and more celebrity/entertainment driven than actual legitimate news driven. I saw it as a way of the government distracting the people from seeing what was really happening in the world (and let's face it, this was when our Pres and VP were starting wars with random nations and getting richer off of them). By the time, Katrina hit I was all but tuned out...so most of what happened around that I know nothing about. Although I still watched cable news (CNN, primarily) it wasn't a frequent thing (I do have to say that during national elections I watch all the news I can get, so during that time its different). However, after the Newton shootings I pretty much swore off media coverage completely. A) Because there aren't any real news stations any more (they are all entertainment) and B) What the media deems important is not the same as what I deem is important. The Newton coverage made me ill and I just stepped away.

Because of that, I missed most of the Benghazi "Scandal" have a vague idea of what "Fast and Furious " is/was and I'm not really sure what the current (supposed) cover up is about. Also who the hell is Jodi Arias? I came up for air during the Boston Bombings...but after the CNN debacle...(I was watching CNN when it happened). I was done...so I have no real idea of what's going on in the world at large. Okay that's a lie...I know a few things. I know about the soldier being killed in England and about the IRS going after the "Tea Party" and the Disneyland bomb (but I only know about that one because I was trying to find out about the weather).

Anyway, because of my thorough lack of any type of news information I am severely lacking in my knowledge of what's happening in American Politics. I love politics! There's just something about it all that makes me excited about this country. It's gives me something to think about...ways to consider different ideals and learn more about this country, and consequently, the world. I use to watch CNN and CSPAN all the time. I was engaged and engrossed in whatever was coming out of Washington. Not anymore.  Not at all!

And I miss that...it's funny that the thing that made me realize this is the Daily Show. As I watched clips of the show this morning, I realized that it's been too long since I've sat (or laid) and watched the ongoings of the country. Since I've actually knew and full understood what was happening in the federal government. I don't know how I'm going to do it (like what websites, blogs, newspapers I should read or which news stations to what, but I need to get back into my secret love...

Politics!

Until Next Time,
~m