My World View is lacking

  I've grown up in the church, I've gone to church off and on for most of my life and from 19 to 29 I went every Sunday...every Saturday and at least once during the week. But my view of church and the body of Christ has been very limited. I've never really had a world view of the church. I mean, sure I knew that my denomination was active in other parts of the world. I knew that my church itself had an orphanage in the Sudan and as a teenager I actually took part in a fundraiser for world hunger. But still ,my world view was very narrow, very self absorbed. Not just about me, but for my church. I didn't think of other churches, most of them didn't come into my thoughts, even to pray for them. But I think that's because it wasn't something that was pushed or preached out. We occasionally partnered with another church, but it was very rare and didn't last very long.
  When I was a small kid, I only went to church on the big holidays. Then, once we moved closer, I went to church all the time with my aunt. I saw my mom read our big King James Bible, but I never heard that we should read our bibles outside of church. It wasn't something the church preached. To me, church (or God) was something we did on Sundays and the rest of the week we just did our own thing. I went to a Christian school from 5th to 9th grades, but even then the bible was only something I read for school. It wasn't until my early twenties that I REALLY understood that I should be in the bible daily and that church wasn't just a Sunday thing. That our walk, our relationship with God, was an everyday thing and church was a bonus (and maybe that's not the right wording, but work with me). So now although I've heard and in a way experienced some of the "outside" world of church, most of my Christian walk has been very segregated and held within a bubble. I tend to gravitate toward diverse churches, but still never really thought about the big worldwide church as a whole with my little church being apart of it.
   This started to fester in me a couple weeks ago. The pastor at my new church introduced us to some friends of his who had started a church in Israel, they are working toward that shining city on a hill and want to bring Christ to the middle east region. While the pastor was talking about them he mentioned that his friend had be given a fellowship to some Korean Pastor's ministry. When he mentioned the Pastor many of the folks in the sermon gasped or sighed (in a good way for both) out of recognition. In a way, it seemed like it was an honor to be asked into this man's company. I had, of course, never heard of him before but it struck a cord with me. Why do I have blinders on? Where's my world view...even for myself, not just with my church or what I think others think or know, but for me? What do I know or think about the Body of Christ and it's work outside of my comfort zone? Nothing really...why is that? Shouldn't I be praying for these missionaries who literally risk their lives to spread the Gospel? Shouldn't I care? Why hasn't this ever been something I've been taught? I have no answers for these questions...
   I know every church moves at it's own pace, every pastor is different. But I've gone from one church to another and I feel like the world has shifted. I'm now starting to think about things that have never crossed my mind before. The church I go to is different from ones I've been at before...the focus is different and it's slowly opening my eyes to different things. I've changed and grown and will continue to do so...and so too will my view on the world and the body and my place in it.
   Until Next Time.
   ~m

What's wrong with me?

  I've been feeling blah since Sunday and it's only getting worse. Yesterday, there was a glimmer of hope that this week would turn around after a rough start, but once I got to work things changed.
 
  I think I'm getting too frustrated and too "over it" to continue to care so much about things  that no one is interested in. Things aren't peachy and I'm trying to figure out how to change it, but it hasn't been easier and won't get easier anytime soon.
 
  I'm ready for a change...just trying to figure out how to make it.


  Until Next Time,
  ~m

My Royal Obsession Part 5...

 This is just a general post, since I don't really have the time to sit out and write a complete post right now, but there are some royal things I'd like to comment on...the first being...

   This is Emma McQuiston and she is Britain's first black marchioness (this title is below a Duchess but above a Countess). She married Ceawlin Viscount Weymouth, who upon his father's death will become the Marquis of Bath. As the first, she has said she's experienced a bit of snobbery from the older "royals", but hasn't let that slow her down. Oh and she is of Nigerian descent.

  Here are the new King and Queen of the Belgians! King Philippe was sworn in on Sunday, July 21, 2013. His father abdicated earlier in the day, very much like Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands to allow the next generation to rule (also, he has some paternity issues pending that were starting to over shadow his reign).

 

Unlike other coronations the Belgians do not invite foreign royals to attend and it's not a cause for black ties and tiaras, instead it was very business like in it's detail and didn't get much media coverage. Which is sad, but with everyone waiting for Baby Cambridge and without any glamour, it's to be expected. Here are the new King and Queen with their children. The oldest being their daughter Elizabeth who is now the Duchess of Brabant and heir apparent.

   Lastly, speaking of Baby Cambridge, he or she has decided to grace us with it's presence sometime soon. Yes, Catherine's in hospital and the baby should be here at some point. I'm not as crazed as most because unlike the rest of the world I haven't been on the edge of my seat since the beginning of the month. I didn't believe the palace's announcement of mid-July knowing that W&C would want to keep things as private as possible. And because this is her first birth it could take FOREVER! So, when Baby C arrives I'll be excited, but for now it's business as usual...of course, the rest of the world has lost their minds!

 

For now, this will probably be my last Royal Obsession post for a while...(although I may do a Baby C one). I hope you enjoyed this little view into my craziness.

 

Until Next Time

~m

My Royal Obsession Part 4

 What can I say...I love a good wedding, I love a good love story and I love royals! This wedding had it all...a heart broken Princess who left her country out of embarrassment and betrayal only to find the love she so richly deserved in her new home. And to have all capped off with a lovely and beautiful wedding.
  Princess Madeleine married her boyfriend of 2 years Christopher O'Neill on June 6th. She looked wonderful as she was walked down the aisle by her father the King (who I've only ever seen smile once...at his granddaughter during this wedding).

She surprised many by not wearing the family "traditional" tiara the Cameo, that has been worn by several women in her family including her mom and sister

 

 Instead she worn the "Modern Fringe" Tiara that she usually wears, but it's okay because it went perfectly with her dress and the atmosphere of the day.

  The surprise of this wedding was the sheer joy that spread across the face of her now husband as she walked down the aisle to meet him at the alter. For those of us in the royal fandom (I mean the fandom on Tumblr, which I'm not really apart of, but follow) it was a wonderful sight to see, since prior to that day we have very rarely if ever saw him smile (or show any emotion). A stream of tears followed by a brilliant smile gave us all the knowledge and joy that one of our favorite Princesses was really marrying someone who truly loved her.
   I got to watch this wedding (although on a delay since I woke up late), it was in Swedish and English (thanks to Chris' family not speaking Swedish) so I was able to enjoy and understand it all. In the end, it was a touching display of love and future happiness for all involved.

   In the end though, after the tiaras were all identified and the oohhsss and aahhhsss of the day were gone one thing remains...as much as enjoyed watching two people get married, the true show was put on by Madeleine's niece Princess Estelle...who had a tiny chair, stole her dad's program...kicked her uncle, tried to escape her father's lap and then made her dad take her to stand next to her mother as her mother tried to read a scripture...this kid....

   Here are more photos...and once you look at the photo of Chris' mom your realize smiling isn't big in his family (also the fact that not one of them smiled the entire wedding)

What I Want

  I've been trying to find me...
  I've been trying to figure out who I am, what I want and who I want to be. This is, of course, a lifelong journey...it doesn't just end when I think I've hit my goal, but continues are a learn and grow from life's challenges and my mistakes. My search lately has been for a starting point, where as I am right now do I want to start and what I'd like to strive toward in my life.
Because I know that I canNot walk straight and confident into my future if I have no idea, even in the slightest, which way I'm going or what I'll do when I get there. Of course the journey may have some zigzags or sharp turns ahead, but I'll never know if I don't figure out the goal and start traveling the road...
 
  As I was walking up to my house the other day I realized, in an instant, what I want and who I want to be. Simple and to the point I want to be a reflection of God and a light that shines for Him wherever He chooses to put me. Its a simple goal really, but one that can/will trip me up because I like to get in God's way. Its also a goal I want to embrace.
  Yesterday's sermon was about the perfect marriage but, as I'm married, I found other things that spoke to me. One point was if you're drunk on God there's no room for you to be drunk on you. Being drunk on God changes us...how we speak, act, approach problems and behave. I being drunk on God helps to give us insight on what Jesus really would do, because He's doing it through us.
  I have other, more direct, ideas of what I think I'd like to do in my life, but I'll allow God to work me into those if they are His will. For now though, I'm going to do my best to be filled with Him and to shine brightly with His light...especially when mine is trying to get through.

  Until Next Time,
  ~m

Love in a Text

I got this text the other day (the yellow part).

It surprised me. Literally, I didn't hear it come in, so when I randomly checked my phone

to see why my music stopped playing I was surprised to see it. But there it was, a bit of encouragement, a bit of love. But, like my usual self I didn't take it as easily as it was given.

 
  Whenever I get a text like that and they generally only come from one person, I always wonder why. Because I can't think or believe its that easy, that someone simply wants to saying something nice without agenda or want behind it. Its hard because encouragement is not something I'm use to. In fact, the opposite is true, its easier for me to take criticism because that's what I know. So for someone to care for me enough to send me love out of the blue is different. Usually I'd over analyze a text like this. I'd stare at it trying to dissect every meaning behind every word. But I didn't this time, I replied to the text in my own self deprecating way and moved on (then two days later realized the text was still trying to go through, so I just deleted it). I didn't over think it because its just easier to to let it go. It's easier to sit back and take the love, take it without questioning. Because when you've asked God to surround you with people that will love and care for you to then reject it or wonder why it's happening is a bit of a slap in His face.

  Until Next Time.
  ~m

Sad...

 It's been 9 days since George Zimmerman was found not guilty and the country is still trying to figure out why. He killed an unarmed teenage boy who was walking home from the store. Trayvon Martin was stocked by a man who was acting as neighborhood watch and assumed, because of his attire and skin color that he was possibly behind the recent rash of break ins in that gated community. It was called self-defense. I will say that I do believe that Trayvon was beating him up, but I know that he was told not to follow Trayvon. He was bigger than Trayvon so he really didn't need to shoot him when he could have used his body weight. Instead, he pull out his gun and shot him.

 I'm not writing this to debate the merits of the case or to say the jury was wrong. The purpose of my writing this is to try to convey my fear I have for young black men like my brother. He's a youth leader at his church, and will one day be a Pastor. He has a job that he goes to and works hard at everyday. He read comics, loves movies and hanging out with his friends (most of which he's know since Kinder or First grade). He's never done drugs, doesn't party and does not drink. He's a good man...but he's black. In a city, state, country, world where brown skin is still looked down upon as inferior and negative, it's hard to know that my brother could be put into this same situation as Trayvon because some guy with a gun has decided he's had enough (or the police thinks he "LOOKS" like a suspect).

 I naively thought that when the US elected our first Black President that we had evolved as a country. That things like this wouldn't be blasted across our headlines, but I was wrong. I put too much faith and hope the change I saw...and now, I sit here and pray for my brother's safety. When I see a young black man walking down the street I pray for his safety. I pray that he won't become a victim of a society that will never fully realize it's full potential because it's still clinging to the attitudes of the past.

  While people are protesting and outraged by the verdict, I'm been left sadden with a heavy heart. I have only prayers to offer and questions to raise. But I'm also left with an overwhelming sense of fear.

  Until Next Time.

  ~m

It was different

  I spent a week at my parents house and during that week was asked to sing a special song at my former church. I said yes (only because it was a song I've been looking forward to singing for a few years), but something weird occurred to me once it was all said and done. Although I miss singing, its not the singing I missed, it was the preparation. Because I've honestly been listening to and mentally preparing this song for a few years I didn't spend as much time with it as a song I didn't know. It was only a few hours, but the process was the same and I enjoyed it. Performing or "presenting" a song is always a bit stressful, but preparing it on my own is nice.
  It went well in both services and many people told me they enjoyed it, but that wasn't what I cared about, it never has been. I am blessed that God uses me to bless others, but the true magic is in the moments when I'm just trying to make it right so that people don't see or hear me, but they see and hear God...if I prepare correctly, I know that He'll take care of the rest.
  All that being said, I'm not ready or in a place to sign up for the worship team. I'm not saying never, I'm just still, very content with sitting in the congregation and participating in worship without having to worry about all that comes with leading it.
 
  Until Next Time,
~m

Breath of fresh air and air conditioning

  I didn't want to get up, get dressed and go to church yesterday morning.
  I got up too early the day before, was in the car too long and was too achy and tired from my day to even think about getting up, but when 11am rolled around I made myself a deal, if I was ready to go by 11:25, I'd go. I pulled out of the driveway at 11:20. I HAD to get coffee, so I stopped by Jack in the Box and headed in (I ended up being a bit late, but oh well). The moment I was settled, having found a seat and put my stuff down, I felt completely different then I had a moment before. A calmness, a stillness that I've only ever felt there (at this church) came of over me and I was instantly happy for my decision (I also realized I didn't really NEED the coffee after all). Of course, it was also freezing inside and considering that I wore the wrong thing for a hot Summer day, I wondered if it was just the cool that gave me the feeling of relaxation. However, the longer the service went the more I knew it wasn't the a/c, it was God's presence.
  Then the day's speaker stood up. Can I just say, I look forward to Pastor Jude's preaching and the weeks I he's gone, I'm both a bit disappointed and a bit worried about who will speak that day. I'm learning that the staff that covers for him, though they have their own styles, are just as in tune with God as he is and that is an amazing thing to see. Back to the speaker, his name is Jay and from what I've gathered (Jac and Randy are a wealth of knowledge) he's the principal at the school (oh, there's a Christian School "College Heights" associated with the church and the worship leader. Anyway, he spoke about Worship, but not just worship...but really how we should worship and how we should come to God. As always with the City Church it was exactly what I needed to hear. All of his points were on point and half of the things he said related directly with things I either felt or thought that morning. I sat there amazed by God and I knew that even though I took my time getting ready, He engineered the morning for me to be there and hear what He had to say. I usually don't think a sermon is "for me", when I Pastor says I know this is for someone, I rarely feel like I'm that someone. But yesterday I knew that that message was for me.
  It all brought me to a realization I never really thought about before. When I moved, I was excited to flee my parents, I was excited about moving to my dream town and accomplishing something on my own, but what I was most excited about was the City Church, because I felt that it was exactly where I was supposed to be and I still feel that way.
  Am I putting too much into a church/place? No, I don't think so. I feel God there, I feel like big things will happen there and I'm excited that this place is apart of my journey...its a breath of fresh air.

  Until Next Time
  ~m

My Royal Obsession Part 3

 On January 28th of this year Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands

announced her intention to abdicate her throne in favor of her son Prince Willem-Alexander...it was a shock...I (not knowing the history) thought there must be something wrong with her, why would she step down at the young age of 75 (when you compare her to  Queen Elizabeth II of England she's practically a teenager)? Soon, I learned that this is some what of a tradition that was started by her Grandmother Queen Wilhelmina and continueD with Wilhelmina's daughter (Beatrix's Mom) Juliana. So there really wasn't a hidden agenda just a Queen stepping down because she didn't feel she could continue to give her people the type of attention she felt they deserved. Pass it to the next generation...
  On April 30th she officially abdicated her throne in favor of her eldest son Willem-Alexander. There was a signing of documents in front all the necessary people, and one last balcony appearance before the Queen was once again, a Princess.

  A few hours later the world watched while King Willem-Alexander was sworn in, his lovely bride by his side and his daughters, the oldest now the Crown Princess, and the former Queen watching fonding.

 (okay they all look bored out of their minds, but this is the best photo I could find)

  Willem-Alexander is the first heir of his generation to be crowned King (technically Prince Charles is the same age as most of the reigning European Monarchs so he is NOT in this generation). It was lovely to watch Royal History being made, but sad, because now as King and Queen, WA and Maxima, will no longer go to the same type of events the did as they did as Crown Prince and Princess. It was always a treat to see the CP's and spouse's together at events throughout the year

The first time this was very apparent was at the wedding of Princess Madeleine of Sweden (Victoria's younger sister). All of the heirs were there, except Charles...he doesn't go to those. But as WA and Maxima are now monarchs they did not attend. Which sucks, cause it looked like a great party!

 

My Royal Obsession Part 2

 I now remember who I learned about first...it was the Royal Family of Denmark, but specifically it's Crown Princess Mary

 Kate Middleton was immediately compared to Mary (well while people were taking a brief break from comparing her to Diana) both being dark haired and beautiful commoners. Mary met her Prince (Frederik of Denmark) in a pub in Sydney, Australia during the 2004 Olympics...he was there as a spectator and she was born in the country...4 years later they married. They've since had 4 children and are doing very well, from what I can see, for their country. Mary's a world traveller (having travelled alone throughout Europe before marriage), well educated and very successful in her previous career. In many ways she and Kate are comparable, but none more than the dark hair and "commoner turned Princess" title.

 Next came the Crown Princess of Norway Mette-Marit (yeah I cannot pronounce her name)

She's also comparable to Kate in that she is a commoner and lived with her husband before marriage...but it stops there. Mette was a bit of a partier (although Catherine's been called a party girl, I'm not going to worry about it) and into the club scene when she was younger. She had a child from a previous relationship (with a man who was eventually convicted of drug dealing) and had to convince the country that she was reformed before anyone would even think of letting her marry her Prince (Haakon of Norway). They've been married over 10 years and have 2 children together, Haakon has adopted her older son and raised him as his own (but he holds no titles). She is a strong advocate for education, the youth of the world and women's issues.
  Also, sadly she was directly affected by the attacks in Norway a couple years ago, when her step-brother was killed in the mass shooting.

  Finally there was Crown Princess Victoria

  She is the only Crown Princess by birth, not marriage, in the world (as far as I know)...oh, strike that when the new King and Queen of the Netherlands were crowned in April their daughter became a Crown Princess, but she's like 10 so not on my radar, but I digress.
   Victoria has truly become my favorite...she has struggled with Dyslexia and Anorexia during her life, but is now healthy and strong. She's a good role model of how to pick yourself up and keep moving on with your life even through the bad. She married Daniel in the summer of 2010 and had her first child, Estelle, in 2012. She is everything a modern Princess should be and handles herself beautifully.
  
   Although there are other Royal Families it's these that are on my primary radar and who have had the most focus from me. I do have to say though that any uptick on the royal front peaks my interest even for a bit...

   Like when the Queen of the Netherlands announced she was stepping down from the throne so that her son and daughter-in-law could take over...

My Royal Obsession...

Part 1...

  The British Royal Family.

  I have few memories from my early childhood...I remember the 84 Olympics because they took place in my hometown...Mary Lou was tiny and wholesome and a winner (and on the Wheaties Box) and Lionel Richie closed the whole thing with the song "All Night Long"...we watched on TV but were close enough to hear the music playing live if we went outside and we all stood on the porch to watch the closing fireworks show. I remember moving from the apartment building into my great-grandmother's old house and I remember this....

   Lady Diana Spencer walking down the aisle in her big beautiful puffy gown with the long train. I was almost two, but I remember this...this was my introduction to the world of the Royals (and coincidentally weddings) and I was hooked. Diana became the ideal Princess and the person I secretly wanted to be, although I was young and not much into it all of the Royal doings, I was...a fan.
   I also remember Andrew and Fergie's wedding...the birth of Prince William...and the rapid decline (as I saw it at the time) of both A & F's and C and D's marriages. Although it took longer for Charles and Diana to actually end, I remember her interview and her book. I watched the craze her son caused for every teenage girl and I remember quite vividly the night she died and watching her funeral. In all of it, I was fascinated and wondered why only that country had a royal family (little did I know then). After High School I got completely invested in myself so I didn't really follow much royal doings...besides without Diana, with William going off to college and Harry going through his "not so cute" phase my interest, although still there, wained greatly. Que October 2010
   In October 2010 a series of tabloids started to put Prince William and his long term girlfriend Kate on the cover claiming that an engagement was imminent. I didn't really think much about it because these stories popped up every so often since they left college. But through the month it became somewhat of a media blitz on these two and their suppose engagement. Finally in November, what turns out to be a week before the announcement, I picked up a magazine to read during lunch and thought the whole story was rubbish...but between that mag and the engagement announcement I was back on the Royal Train again!
   I got back on with both feet and hung on for over a year! I watched the ceremony (and all the hoopla leading up to it) and I've followed the royal family closely since. What I learned as I fell more and more in tune with the BRF (British Royal Family) is that it's NOT the only one in the world. In fact, it's not even the only one in Europe...and that's where my obsession for all things royal really took a turn!
   I'm not so sure who I became aware of first...but I grew very interested in the Crown Princesses of Sweden, Denmark and Norway very quickly...and for a time the BRF took a backseat while I learned all I could about the rest.

   The Brits were just the beginning...

Things just don't change

I thought things would be different.
I thought there'd be growth
a maturation of the people there
I thought that they'd see something
want to better themselves,
want to make changes
I thought I would see these changes
and would be proud
I thought wrong.

Nothing has changed,
in fact, things only seem to be worse
no one has matured,
it seems that they've gone backward
it's a sad state to behold
to know that they are the same
or in some ways, worse
to finally really understand
that they don't see the wrong in their ways
that they aren't trying to make themselves better

I made decisions to better myself
I hoped they see them follow suit
I thought that maybe they'd take direction from me
maybe they'd want something better
but it's easier to stay the same
than to make the changes
especially if you are in denial about them being needed
I can't make them do it
I can only move on and hope...

Because the only change I can control
is my own

Living an Authentic Life

 What does that even mean?
  Of course for different people it means different things. For me it means living the life I want, without regret and without fear. But it also means living a life where my head, my heart and my soul are all on the same page.
  As a Christian I shouldn't live 2 lives, the "Sunday Church" life and the weekday "World" life. I've tried to live my life honestly in both areas, trying to live up to the call I've chosen to follow the entire week and not just leaving God in the church when I walk out. It's difficult and I'm not sure if I succeed all the time (or at all), but I try.
  However, just because I'm trying to live this way doesn't mean that I'm living an authentic life. There are many holes in the way I'm living that I need and want to fill. Things that I want to try in order to continue to live in happiness. I cannot only focus on my spiritual walk and leave all the other things to fall by the wayside. That'll keep me off balance when I want to be well rounded.
  I think that living an authentic life involves doing and living the things you need to to make you feel content in all aspects of your life. To be true to yourself and not have to live up to what others around you may think. For me, sidestepping other's expectations is not a hard thing to do. It's sidestepping my comfort zone that takes some time and guts. But who am I hurting or effecting by not doing or living these things, this way? Only myself...

  I need/want to make it a mission, give it a go and start living an authentic life. I want to do the things I want to do and try the things I want to try, whether they be big or little. Because I feel like even not trying is leaving me missing something that could lead me to new authentic places and can bring me greater happiness.
  So what does living an authentic life mean...it means many things...but hopefully I'll know I'm truly living it someday soon.

  Until Next Time.
  ~m