Forgiveness by any other name...

So, in my recent discovery of lies and untruths that have been told to me and about me I have felt the strong presence of God telling me to forgive those who've offended me! It's not just a simple task I've been handed, it's more like a command. I've felt it for the last week or so and even though the feeling has faded slightly, He has found other ways to get my attention focus on the forgiveness boat.

But in order to bring up to how he's done that, I have to go back to the beginning of this simple little blog and the drama that came with it...

I started this blog with a simple satisfying Thank You! I was thanking the Alderson Family for welcoming me (a near stranger) into their family party and allowing me to be apart of it, so that I could see my friend Kristi (their daughter-in-law). I actually hadn't seen her or any of them in a year, they barely knew me, but the fact that I was welcomed by them all (even Grandma, who's like the coolest chick ever!) was a wonderful experience. I drove home that night and wrote out my Thanks as my first blog entry, then I emailed it out to everyone in hopes that I could really let people into my world through my writing and maybe even start a dialogue! I was so excited that the first thing I did when I woke up the next day was check my blog to see if anyone had visited..low and behold someone did...but it wasn't someone I expected!

Kristi moved up to Ventura (the City) about two and a half years before this, she was dating someone who she felt was worth the move and well, she married him, so he was worth it! And about 6 months before this party (which took place in October) my other friend Debbie moved up to Ventura to be with the person she was engaged to...(here's where it gets interesting)

Debbie, who I've know since I was in 7th grade, was someone I thought I has become close to. Well she moved to Ventura be live with the man to whom she was engaged. A man I knew almost nothing about and had never met. I hadn't seen my friend in those 6 months...and in fact had barely even spoken to her (and this after years of constant daily contact). So, one day after emailing (I think, this was before myspace/facebook) Kristi about seeing her...I just picked a day to come up and hang out, nothing formal just a visit! She told me about the party but welcomed me up anyway, saying that I was welcome and that the Aldersons would love to see me! So, I emailed Debbie, whom I had also recently had the "come visit" conversation with to tell her that I would be up that day (like a month in advance) and that I'd love to get coffee or just stop by and visit before heading over to Kristi's....Debbie's reaction was different.


After hearing about this man and his kids for about 9 months and being told I have to come up and meet them, the response I got was puzzling and hurtful. Debbie's step-daughter had a soccer game that morning, Debbie said that not only could she not see in the morning, but at all that day. After being invited to a family party by Kristi I found it odd that Debbie wouldn't want me to come meet her and her new family at a public park. Maybe I was overreacting...at least that's what I thought! So I spoke to my Mexican Momma Maria and my Real Momma Shirley (and my Dad) about it and they all had the same reaction...that's weird, my would she blow you off?

I let it go, and went up to Ventura early, hung out with Kristi in the morning and ultimately helped her more than I could ever had imagined (her Grandfather was terminally ill and in the hospital, I ended up taking her to the airport so she could fly home to see him).

Along the way I started talking to several different Alderson's about their blogs and decided on my way home to start my own and to Thank them for their hospitality in my very first post. So, I wake up the next morning and find a comment from Debbie (you can check the post out if you'd like, but the comment is gone). She basically said, "oh, you were down the street from my house and you didn't even come by!" (that's a paraphrase, but that's pretty much it). My first reaction was anger...she was basically ruining a thank you that I was trying to give by adding her own sort of "wit", however dim it was. She didn't explain how I tried to come see her, how I had never been to her house let alone met anyone in her "new" family, or how I would have never know, in a thousand years that her house was down the street from the park we were at. She just decided to put me on blast and think it was funny.

I deleted the comment and sent her an email stating how disappointed I was with her post, how I felt that it wasn't funny or called for and how she so selfishly took this nice thing I was trying to do and turn it into something about her. I let her know that the Alderson's don't know her and would read the comment as me shunning a friend when in all actuality I was the one shunned. Then because I know Debbie so well and knew that before the day was over all of our mutual friends would hear about what a bitch I was and how I made her cry, I sent the comment and accompanying email to Maria. I wanted one person to know the entire truth, without Debbie's slant. Since then (it's been 3 years) I haven't spoken to Debbie, I said all I needed to and I moved on. She has, emailed me through yahoo, myspace and just a couple of days ago facebook. That was my mistake, I commented on something Maria wrote and knew that Debbie would see it and try to find me (if Debbie has already posted a response to something on Maria's page I just avoid it), but I really wanted to comment. Not five minutes later, I got an email from her, saying that she wants to get to know me again...and in truth, I don't really care! The only time I think about her is when Maria mentions her, other than that it's like she doesn't exist in my world...at first I was sad, but I've realized that this journey was for the best and I believe I learned something...

So back to forgiveness...

I feel like God is asking me to finally forgive. I've moved on with my life and she with hers...we will never have a friendship...it's not going to be repaired but I can express that I do forgive her. Even though she really doesn't understand how hurt I was and never gave me the one thing I truly wanted from my friend, an apology, she never thought she did anything wrong. But that's fine, we are called to forgive others for our own well being...I've moved on but obviously God wants me to take the step and actually forgive her. That I will do, I can try to express my previous hurt and sadness and how I feel now. I have a good life, with good friends...people who want to be around me and who actually care if I tell them I'm hurting.

Forgiveness by any other name wouldn't be forgiveness