There are people in my life that I am inherently like...I can't help that my learned traits (and some I was born with) mirror the people who've been around me my entire life. I have excepted that I will always default to these traits, whether I like it or not, I just do. I've been called a brat and evil. I've been told that I am so selfish that I am destroying some one's life. I have, in fact, taken these very harsh and negative words used to hurt me and tried to do my best not to ultimately become like the person who launched them at me.
Over the years I've held on to things that frankly, weren't worth a second thought. I've thought about them time and again, allowed them to bring me to anger or tears and denied myself letting them go for the thought of "I'll get them back one day". But really will I get them back? Will I have the balls to bring it up in conversation?...will I ever even see the person who offended me? Probably not! I hold on to them because I'm too weak to just let it go.
About ten years ago I realized the path I was on and set out to not be like certain people around me. I found people I could learn good positive things from and I grew closer to them, leaving behind old ways and people. I've learned to love without condition, see with new eyes and from a different perspective and most importantly I've learned to let things go and forgive.
Forgiveness is not for the offender, but the offended. Some people will never know that they hurt you or that you are angry with them. Some may know and not care...90 percent of the offenses we will encounter won't end in an apology. So we treat them like unresolved situations when really we should just forgive and move on.
A prominent figure in my life has been holding on to things for most of my life. If you ask why he/she feels that way about someone or something they'll tell you a story that happened in the 70's, 80's or maybe even the 60's. The rational they use to hold on to this doesn't make sense and is actually tiring. This person can tell you they don't get along with a family member because that person borrowed money and never paid it back...it happened in 1980 something...the borrower doesn't remember and if you're not going to remind them just drop it!
Over these years I've been offended, I've forgiven and moved on. I've tried, with great effort, not to hold on to anything that isn't productive to my life. My resolve has been tested, but I always try to defer to what I learned as a child...Forgive and forget, turn the other cheek. Over time (AFTER you've forgiven), you may be able to forget but only after you remove it from your mind with forgiveness. God calls us to forgive, FOR US, for our peace of mind, for our growth and spiritual awareness. There's no reason to hold on to things that are not productive. There's no reason to hold on to something for 20 years, when you're not ready to step up and voice you're opinion on it.
If you must hold on to it, don't be a coward, speak. But my advice would be to let it go...you'll feel better and maybe, just maybe, you can let your overall bitterness go and people would want to share in a moment with you!
Now, all that being said, I do have one thing I struggle with in this regard. (If you knew the story you probably wouldn't hesitate to allow me this one thing.) It's a struggle that God has been trying to walk me through most of my life. There are days when I feel like I can forgive, then there are days when I choose to hold on to it. I'm not perfect, minor offenses I will readily let go...but this HUGE trauma will ALWAYS effect me and my relationships forever! I don't think that God will rush me through it, He understand the pain and loss...but He has called me to forgive and that I will always try my best to do!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment