HeartBroken

   The other day I watched as two kids on television speak about their father, saying what he means to them and how much he takes care of them, listens and supports them. It made me sad because if someone ever asked me to describe why I love my father or what type of a father he is I couldn't say anything of those things, not truthfully. In fact, most of the things I would say would be the opposite.
Not supportive, not loving, not caring...but mean, hurtful, resentful and angry.
  
   When you grow up in a home where people treat the furniture better than they treat you it's hard to see other people who had the type of relationship with their parents that you always longed for but never got. I don't know why my father is the way he is. I never will (and I'm not suppose to). All I know is how he made/makes me feel and how, even after being out of his house for more than a year, I wake up scared that he's going to come storming into my room yelling and screaming.

   I'm not saying this for anyone to feel bad for me...I'm saying it because it's something I need to get out of my system. It's something I need to rid myself of so that I can move on to bigger and better. Although I am attempting to leave this here I know that I will always carry it around with me I will always take it into relationships. I will always be a little afraid that I'm not good enough because that's what I've always been taught...by my father.


   Until Next Time
   ~m