Receiving Sermons

 
  I've been thinking a lot lately about Sunday sermons and how they effect me. Specifically my overall reaction to them. Since arriving in Ventura and at the City Church my response to sermons has been drastically different than it ever has been before. Spiritually, emotionally and physically the sermons have an impact on me and leave me thinking about lesson after I walk out of the church. I've been wondering if this is a product of God really speaking to me through this new place or if its simply me being more open to hearing him.
  I'll be honest, over the last few years (probably since 07-08) I've been mad with God. I've been stubborn, distant and uncooperative. So going to church, worshiping in an authentic way and really listening to the sermons wasn't a priority. It also became more and more difficult to be engaged at Marina. I didn't feel like I was getting anything out of the sermons or the worship. Listen, I'm not blaming anyone or trying to say that Marina isn't a good church with good people. I know for a fact that Marina is a wonderful church and that the worship and sermons touch and connect with lots of people, but for me it lacked something. Which brings me back to wondering if it was just me? My baggage, my attitude, my lack of wanting anything because I was checked out of everything.
  Remember unhappiness, true deep unhappiness , can keep you stagnant, lonely and unwanting. Do I think I had depression? I'm not sure, but I know I was truly unhappy and I blamed that on God. Whether that was the right thing or not I don't know, but it is the truth of the matter. Because of that blame I was very much closed off. I told myself that when I was ready and when God was ready things would change, but I wasn't really ready to take that first step. But God was and He did and I followed his lead. Things changed and my outlook on life changed. I started to look at things differently and slowly my unhappiness drained away...but I still wasn't hearing from God through Marina.
   Once I got here, to Ventura to the City Church, all that changed. My heart changed...I was engaged and overjoyed and every part of the service connected with my heart. Every part from start to finish was made for me. And the rare Sundays (2 in fact) I don't go it effected my entire week in a negative way. Now, my mindset, my relationship with God and my heart are different and I wonder if the change is me or the church I'm attending?
   It would be easy to say it was the church to compare and say I like this better than that. That's the easy way...but it's also the truth.  I think that now, I'm willing to listen intently and learn. Because I'm truly seeking God's heart and His plan for me I'm really trying to learn it in what I'm hearing from the front of the sanctuary. So I guess it is me? I guess it's my heart...because it's where it needs to be and I'm not wishing I was somewhere else. I'm finally at my destination and I'm trying to continue my walk with God in
a new way. I guess this is just a part of that. My heart is open and I'm not burdened by my surroundings anymore.

  Until Next Time,
  ~m