My prayers with God are like a running conversation in my head, they never really stop, I never really say Amen, it's just me and Him talking. His voice is like that voice everyone has in their head, the voice of reason. You see to me, I know what God wants from me. I just don't want to do it. His voice in my head reminds me of his plan for me. It's a plan I've known about for a long time, a plan He has used other people to drop seeds and hints to me about it.
In the last 6 months our conversations have run through many topics, but there are a few recurring ones. Nurturing friendships, honoring Him by helping others, getting into His words and going back to school. God has recently put people in my life that retrieve passed conversation (between He and I) and bring back certain things to the forefront of my mind. As always, He's laying the foundation and using others to build on top of it. To remind me of what should be important in my life...worrying about things I can't control isn't as important as I think it is.
Right now, I'm only fighting it because I'm scared, but I know He's with me and there's nothing to fear, but my humanness is still a scared child in the dark. I'm sure these conversations will continue. I'm sure I will continue to fight against His lead because my human fear is holding me back. Even though I have an idea of what I need to to do, the path isn't completely lit...so I struggle against that fear of the dark (unknown).
I can feel Him standing beside me encouraging me to leap, but my feet are glued to the spot and I'm hiding my face in His robes!
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