Friendships and Labels

I've been thinking about the state of my relationships...and how I have friends that have become like family and friends that haven't. The essence of most of my friendships have been built up over years and years and have turned into that most intimate of friendships, where the lines blur between my friends and my family. In fact, if you really want to see this in my life you need to look no further than my "Mexican Family" who I've know since 1993 and who've over time, become my second family Mother, Sisters, Brother, Aunts, Uncles, Grandma and Step-dad. There are no longer any lines to blur because they are my family. This has also (I've recently discovered) occurred with my friend Kristi and her family. I see her very much like a sister and less like just a friend everyday. 


Wait, before I continue...let me say that these are my feelings and if others don't feel that way toward me I'm okay with it...it's important that people know how I feel about them...and this is how I feel. I'm not doing this to ask for love in return.


  Okay, she (Kristi) has become like a sister to me...her family, like mine and my love for all of them just grows and grows. But there are some relationships...that even though I love the people I'm in them with, I don't look upon like family. In fact, I've questioned whether or not I could ever actually look at them like that. My answer was a hard no. Not hard as in inflexible, but hard as in it was a hard question to answer honestly. 
  We put labels on ourselves and the people around us...friends, family, best friend, acquaintance, parent, child...we apply these labels and most times don't allow them to be removed or replaced with anything else. I've found that although for some, I find it easy to replace those labels, for others the labels aren't something I want to replace...not one bit, not at all. 
   I've had a few best friends in my life and of the few only one would I consider family. But I've also known her since I was in 5th grade, so if she isn't family then she's a fungus I can't get rid of : ). The others are people who, though I love them, I don't see them as family. There are many reasons for this...but I think the biggest reason is the fact that I'm not able to confide in them the way I can with others. There are things that I wouldn't/won't share because I don't really believe they'll listen, care or want to know. For a best friend, that's a tough thing to say, but it's the reality and even though I know that they'd say that's not true, I see their reactions and body language tell a different story. I've never actually felt that I could really truly tell my best friends everything about me, my feelings, my problems, and show them my true deep self. In fact, I've always felt like there was some underlying competition on going, trivial....but still there and very present...at least to me. Every so often I'm actually surprised at how well they know me...but it's a fleeting feeling when I can't really bring myself to talk about it further.
   It's troubling, in someways, that I've viewed (and very much continue to do so) these relationships this way. It would be so much easier, simpler and nicer to think of these best friend relationships as more than that. But ultimately I keep them in that category to keep myself from the ultimate pain, heartbreak. Would I like to remove or replace this title and claim the best friend as a sister...to share and show myself wholeheartedly knowing that I'm supported and cared for? Yes, but that's easier said than done. It starts with the truth....and it never ends. Fights, love, anger, forgiveness, truth and openness...these are friendship....a family make. And without even one I can't see changing a friendship (best or not) into a family.