Outlook

This statement, which is clearly something I struggle to achieve, is part of a series of "cosmic prompts" I've been receiving lately. All the prompts have been in the forms of quotes or other people's writings (which I guess are the same are quotes, duh), but they've all centered around being happy, being thankful and letting the past not dictate the future. As much as I've enjoyed these little ditties I've also had a hard time actually coming to grips with them. The question is always the same...why won't I allow myself to be happy? Just happy in the circumstances I'm in. My life isn't perfect or pretty, but it could be a lot worse.

So why is it that I choose to live in this hole that I'm consistently digging deeper? I'm not sure, I guess I could use the mindset my father uses...that the whole wide world is against me. But the whole wide world doesn't know I exist, so why would it make the effort. I could also make the argument that God's against me, but I don't believe that. I am, however, still struggling with whether or not He actually cares about what I'm feeling (that's the truth, seriously it's a true deep struggle I'm trying to work through because in all honesty it doesn't feel like He gives two cents about how I'm feeling). I could also, make the argument that life is unfair and therefore my life...in it's entirety, is a result of that...but still through abuse (in many forms), emotional scars and loneliness I am in a better place than a lot of others. So, why don't I chose to be happy?

I guess, and this is just me thinking off the cuff, it's because I'm too focused on what I don't have instead of being focused on what I do have, the good things in life. There are alot of things I want (and have waited for), but for whatever reasons I haven't gotten them yet. So my struggles kind of center around those. Still, in placing my thoughts on the things I don't have I'm missing the happiness that's around me, I'm missing the life that's flowing past me. I'm missing out period!

So, I'm going to try my best to be happy...I'm choosing it everyday...it'll be a struggle, but I think it'll be worth it. At least I hope it will be...

 

Until Next Time

~m