Don't Rush

   I've spent many many years going to church. Not just going, but actually being involved. When I was 8 years old my aunt decided I was going to start going to church with her and I was going to be on the usher board. Now, at that time, in that church, the usher board was actually unofficial the youth group...a youth group with big responsibilities. After years of doing this every Sunday, spending long days and sometimes full weekends (seriously, 8am Saturday til 10pm Sunday), I got tired of it and quit. The experience left a bad taste in my mouth (well, not necessarily that experience of the usher but the experience of that church and it's people) and I didn't really get back into church again until High School.
   In High School I attended a youth group led by an wonderful woman. I only went on the weekday youth night, I never went to the Sunday church service. I so thoroughly enjoyed that experience, but it ended in a way, that again, left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was finding that Church was full of disappointments (not God, the people) and it never felt like a place for me to experience anything other than work and disappointment.
    Finally, at 18 I was recruited to sing at a church. I did it to help, I did it for the need and want to sing, so I became apart of a worship team. I didn't understand really what that meant. Spiritually I wasn't ready to lead in anyway. I wasn't mature enough in anyway, but I wanted to sing and I didn't want to let anyone down. Ultimately, the love of the attention I received was much easier to accept than taking the time to step back and I find my spiritual self. But I enjoyed my Pastor and most of my time there...but over the years, I never felt like I was growing spiritually. I ended up being there singing and doing things behind the scenes for 12 years. I found that after a time I wasn't happy. So when my job situation changed, meaning I'd have to work Sundays, I ran and didn't look back. Once that job was over I went back sporadically...but it wasn't a serious commitment anymore. I didn't feel like the that particular church could provide me with the things I was so desperately looking for. So, I wasn't going to commit to anything, no matter how many people wanted me to. I had grown enough to know that I wasn't in a place to lead and I wasn't doing anything to get to that place.
   Skip to now...I'm in my new place with a church that I'm very excited about and I'm not going to rush into anything. I'm not going to commit to anything, I decided that...along time ago.
   I'm working on my walk with God and we decided together that I wouldn't commit to anything until I felt His call...not some else's. I wouldn't look into being apart of worship, or volunteering until I was ready for it. I NEED to be served for a while. I NEED to just sit in the congregation and not worry about when I need to get up and sing again, how my throat feels and anything else that has, in the past, taken me away from listening to God speak.
   So, I'm not rushing...I'm taking my time and I'm loving it! God will let me know when its time...but right now its not!