Looks

  I've never been the girl in the mirror, never. I didn't even carried a mirror on my person until I was in my 20's. I didn't care what I looked like, it wasn't important to me (not a priority). When girls around me were experimenting with make up and checking themselves in their compacts before walking into class, I was only worried about not making eye contact with my classmates. I've never found myself attractive so I never understood spending any amount of time trying to make myself look good for the opposite sex (they weren't looking at me anyway).
  I've gone through most of my life relying on my personality, wit, humor and emotions and even then I didn't understand why people cared to speak to me (I'm a mounted of self esteem) because after all, I'm not that interesting. No makeup, not too interested in my hair...and I mostly wore jeans and t-shirts...in fact for more than a year the only shirts I wore were white v-necks that I stole from my dad. Overall, I wasn't really good at being a girl.

  Last week, I started planning my second major hair cut in a year. I cut it into an inverted bob right before the new year, then about halfway through Spring I decided to let it grow out...well, I want to cut it again. So last week...talking it through with my hair stylist and showing her pictures of exactly what I want I realized that I'm not really the girl I used to be. No, that girl has grown up...I've become this fashion/make up loving chick who can't wait to go sit in a shop to have her hair and nails done. Someone who'll spend a good amount of time in a mirror to get her hair just right and someone who spends hours on the Internet to look for cool new girly things I can try.
   Some time ago, I realized that if I didn't see myself as beautiful, no one else really would. It has to come from me. Though I'm not exactly at a place of contentment with my outward appearance I can say that I no longer see wearing make up or dressing cute as a lure for the opposite sex. I now see it as a way for me to feel good, a way to express my mood and myself.
   Am I always that girl with a full face of make up or my hair always perfect? No, I still have my moments when I'm in jeans and a t-shirt and in truth, I actually still only look at myself in the mirror once or twice a day, but when I feel like being that girly girl, I go big! There's nothing wrong with it.

   So yeah, my looks are now important to me (well not that important) and I'm doing better at being a girl...cause if I'm going to have all the bad of being a girl...I might as well have all the good too!

   Until Next Time