Sometimes you find yourself in a place of low and deep pain. Not everyone has experienced this, not everyone will. And still, there are others who will never know this about themselves because they are too scared to delve that deeply into their own heart.
  Today, I was walking through work when someone said, "I want to talk to you", the most immediate thing to jump into my mind was worry. Worry that I was about to be lectured about something, told I wasn't doing something right or being let know that they weren't happy and would be sending someone an email to voice concern about me. So for about 45 seconds, I stood there in full panic mode thinking, "oh great, not again". But low and behold, I received a compliment. My panic lifted and I felt at ease...settled. This isn't the first compliment I've received at this new place and although I never really quite believe them, I accept them and give'em to God.
   For me, compliments have never been easy to take, probably because the people who should have taught me how to accept and believe them never compliment me. I've been torn down so much in life (between family and work) that I never know who's being honest about what they're saying. I have to take in that people who give unsolicited, unexpected compliments and people who give unconditional, unexpected love our being completely honest. I know this, but there's always that voice in the back of my head that tells me I'm wrong. No one could possibly love you...you're ugly, you're fat, you're weird, you have a horrible attitude and no one ever wants to deal with you. Such a waste...
   It's hard for people to imagine that that's how I feel on the inside, but it's the truth. And though I hear kind words and feel other's love, it's always hard to take it in and believe it.
   God does everything for a reason and I know that He put me in this place for a benefit, but it wasn't until today that I realized it was for my benefit. I am okay here...this place feels very safe to me (my physical workplace and my mental/emotional place). I feel support, not like I'm going to turn around a find a knife in my back. But that's what God does, he's built up this group of people that I can rely on, this group of people who have no reason under the (uni)verse to give two licks about me, but I feel them like a cocoon around me, most have never even met each other. This is an answer to my prayers...the prayers of a little girl who never really understood what she was asking for, never comprehended that she was asking it, but He answered...many more times than she could have ever predicted. 
   I am hopeful that all these things are leading to something truly powerful in my life, something I don't see...something that will blow me away. Whether good or bad I know that God has built a fortress of people around me to either celebrate or mourn with me. And though I'd love it to be a celebration, I know that either way I'll be okay!