At the End of the Year

I've tried to keep hope alive
looked forward with hope that it would get easier.
I've had drawbacks and burdens...
I've been rocked and humbled.
But I've tried my best to keep my attitude positive and grateful

At the close of this year, I see...nothing.
Where this time last year I was full of hope, joy and excited nervousness
Now all I am is a ball of stress with nothing in front of me but more stress.

I didn't think this year would end this way.
I thought I'd be in a better place
I was soo wrong.
But that's how this year has been
My hope shattered repeatedly.
Everything I thought I'd been promised
wrong.
Everything I thought God was lining up for me
slowly picked away from me...before I could even reach out for it.
I'm here now waiting...on what?
I'm not sure, I guess God.
He told me to wait...what am I waiting for...
Maybe my hope to return...
Maybe my joy to bounce back
Maybe my stress to subside...or maybe just maybe
for all those things He promised me to pan out.
(I honestly don't think any of them will).

In a year from now I will look back and wonder...where ever I may be
I will wonder why...
but for now, I sit and wait looking back at all the hope and wonder I had for my future
all the happiness I just can't seem to find.
the stability I thought I'd have...