My "Light"

  In the last 10 years or so I've had a few people tell that they see in something in me. My light, I've been told, is something that can draw people in and I should shine this light and use it for God. I've always wondered about this "light" and why only certain people see it. I can be cynical (which I'm becoming more and more) and say that these folks all had some hidden agenda...that if I followed their lead and allowed my light to shine in the direction they suggested that they would actually gain from it too. But that's too simple...that's not going to give me the answers to my questions.

   What questions you may ask...well here's they are....What's this light? Where is it exactly and how are only a handful of people seeing it and not everyone around me (ironically, as I finished writing the sentence the answer popped into my head)? I want to see the light in myself...to know it's there and see in myself what others see in me. I often wonder what makes me the type of person to attract the people I have around me? Because even though, they're silly, crazy and a bit too much...they are amazing in so many different ways. And though there aren't many, the ones I keep close are an eclectic group from many backgrounds, beliefs and walks of life. So, what is it? Is it a light that draws them to me...me to them? Is there something that I cannot possibly see because I'm too blinded by questions and disbelief? Or is this light just an illusion or those who are trying to get me to be apart of their team?

  Since I second guess everything, I'm sure I'll never truly know or understand the answer. And even then I may still second guess it. I'm sure those people, like all that are in my life (whether for a long or short time), are put there by God. They're only telling me the things He wants me to hear and know...it's up to me to take the leap of faith and believe them...but it's just so hard to believe that I can do anything or be worthwhile enough to even have a light that people can see. I still wake up and wonder why people want me around.

   That's my dilemma, those are my questions and this is the end of my post.

   Until Next Time,

    ~m