Think about it

Have you ever been asked to do a survey, or been approached by someone working at a mall kiosk? Have you ever been waited on in some form or fashion? How did you treat that person? What do you think that person felt when you left their presence?
I once was told that if you learn your server's name (at a restaurant) it'll go along way, maybe not for you, but definitely for them.
I work in a place where customer service is the call of the day, whether you're being yelled at or spoken to like a human being, you have to give the customer the benefit of the doubt. The job I have can be fun and easy or depressing and difficult, depending on the day. But the lesson I learned years ago has now fallen onto the other foot.
People can be rude and downright mean sometimes, but I can take it with a grain of salt. I figure if they're that way to me, at Disneyland, then they have bigger problems then I have time for anyway. But I've also realized that the people who aren't willing to listen are the people who complain the most.
This is a me, now generation (world). We want things now and we don't want to hear otherwise. I'm that way too, at times, but this job has taught me so much. I chose my job, I could have gone anywhere, but I didn't. I'm not complaining its just the truth. I don't regret my decision, but there are some out there who in this time of economic woe and maybe a lack of experience can't find anything else. Those are the people I want you to think about. The teenager at the mall who may be there because they have to help pay family bills, or the old man asking you to take a survey because he HAS to work in order to pay for his medication. These are real stories and these stories and people shouldn't be ignored or overlooked.
Now with all that said, I can understand if you don't want to take a survey or if your food was cold or if you got over charged. But really do you have to be rude, there could be circumstances beyond any one's control at play in that situation. Take a breathe and think about what you say and how it may effect the person you say it to. Your waitress may be a single mom just holding her family together, that person doing survey may have just lost their child and is still grieving.
Most of us greet you with a smile and add a thank you at the end, even if your rude, but please try not to be. Remember everyone has a story, just because yours is different doesn't make it more important. Try to be kind to the world and some if not most of the world will return that kindness. And if all else fails just think....

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

I'm a Prude

I've never done drugs, didn't drink until I was 21 and was never around people who did either. So as an adult these things are slightly foreign to me.
I will have an occasional drink with my best friend, but as far as drugs are concerned they're like something I've only see on the news.
So when I hear people my age or younger talking about the drugs they do (currently), I'm baffled and I'm kinda disgusted. There's a certain time in your life when you should grow up and start acting like an adult. A time to leave childish things behind and own up to the fact that you can't do those things anymore.
I, frankly, don't understand the appeal of drugs. I can't fathom, wanting to feel out of control, setting yourself up for a situation you may not be able to handle or protect yourself from.
To me its just too big a risk to throw all things away (and spend my money on) some "high" that may last only a couple hours. I have more important and productive things I could be doing.
I'm sure, I will never understand it and will always be disgusted by the way some people nonchalantly walk their way from high to high without concern for the bigger picture. But that's just me...I guess.

Nothing to write about

I've been sitting at the computer for a few hours...neglecting everything else I should be doing to try and figure out what I wanted to write about here in this blog. But I have yet to come up with a goo idea. I know that in a few hours when I am no longer able to get on the computer I will come up with a great topic, but right now I'm stumped.

Alright, I'm gonna go take a shower, eat, watch TV, or wash the dishes...maybe all of the above!

Just letting you know

I've recently got a couple people asking me how to comment on here. Well, here's how you do it.

You do not have to have a blogger page or have to be signed up on this site. All you do is click on "comments" under the particular post you want to comment on.

Then type your comment in the box to the right

On the bottom there are several choices you can use to publish your comment...you can sign in (if you have an account), or you can type in your name or do it anonymously.

How ever you want to do it is fine by me...

Help this helps!


Peace Out

Thanks

According to Kristi Bugg... or as my dad calls her "Crispy", there are folks out there who read my blog but don't comment...well as i sit here ready to fall asleep, blowing my nose, telling myself I'm NOT sick, I just wanted to give you all a big THANKS!


THANKS for reading, even if you don't comment and thanks for any prayers or well wishes you send my way. I truly appreciate it. I also want to say I'm sorry if I've ever offended you, it's not my intention to offend anyone. I'm just here so the people in my life can see what makes me tick. And maybe have a better understanding of why I am and who I am.


THANK YOU again.!

Reality Television

I've recently, like yesterday, given up on reality television. I went through my dvr timers and deleted anything having to do with reality tv. Over the last few weeks I've found myself recording these shows and putting off watching them. Watching the shows became more of a chore and less for enjoyment. The last reality show I watched was last weeks episode of "Keeping up with the Kardashsians", I just realized that there was no reason for me to watch these people. I don't really watch a lot of reality tv anyway, don't get me wrong there was a time when I tuned in for the Real World, Laguna Beach, America's Next Top Model, American Idol, Real Housewives of the O.C. and so on, but I've come to realized that the people on the shows are showing me the worst in people. My favorite really, of all time bad shows I've watched is "Flavor of Love" (if you haven't seen this show you must watch it, there's no way for me to describe it to you) women fighting over a very very unattractive man, it's ridiculous! And it makes me angry.
I think, like everyone, I've been sucked into reality tv and like the generation behind me, I can't really remember a time before reality tv. I mean, I know there have always been game shows and things that are "reality", but I'm talking about the shows we have on today...the Big Brother's, Bachelor's, Temptation Islands...those shows, I mean how did we get here?
My real Journey with Reality TV came from this show called "The Real World". We didn't always have cable, but when we got it, I would sit for hours and watch MTV, I could tell you every hair band, sing every song and knew all the VJ's! Then MTV, came out with this show...they took "7 strangers, put them in a house" and you know the rest...it was so crazy to me. These were people in New York, who were living their lives and being adults, they were doing things and talking about things I didn't know about. And I was hooked. I credit the Real World with giving me my first gay friend, Norman, I didn't really know what gay was until I heard Norm talking about it. It was new and inspiring and crazy and great and I learned so much about things I didn't know anything about...being Gay, AIDS, Abortion, it was a real education. I kept watching season after season, then started to get tired. The people coming on the show, weren't coming to teach, like Norm and Pedro, they were coming to be famous and I couldn't handle that. The show that I loved had made me turn a cold shoulder on it. But I was addicted and kept finding new shows to watch. Now, I'm fed up, I'm not learning anything, I'm watching fake, spoiled people wrestle in crap and make out afterwards and calling it entertainment.
Well, no more! I'm done and I'm not sad about it.

The Round Up

Okay, so there's lots of stuff going on in the world of celebrity and I've been slowing giving up reading about celebrities and their craziness...but there are a few comments I'd like to make... so here we go...



I'm glad Britney is trying to get her stuff together, but the girl CAN'T drive...I guess we should be happy the kids weren't in the car this time.



Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon....hummm, why? No really...can anyone tell me why?


Tom Cruise is still crazy...Katie we need to break her out of prison!


New Kids On The Block will being "HANGIN TOUGH" in a city near you soon. Dude, if I had the money I'd so be there (I wonder if my parents would buy me tickets like they did when I was younger?)


Two words.....James McAvoy


Angelina and Brad are having twins....and she's in a movie this summer with the guy above.


Humm, is it just me or are the Lakers good this year?


Why So Serious? Are you gonna go see it? are ya?


Why is Lauren Conrad famous? Just wondering


Tons of bands are giving away their music for free, now Metallica is thinking about doing the same thing with their next album...what? are these the same guys who sued Napster because their music was being downloaded for FREE? Pot/Kettle!


Amy Winehouse, great talent, I pray that she has people around her who can get control of her like Britney's peeps did. It's so sad to see her wasting away.


NEWS FLASH: Tom Cruise is still CRAZY!


And finally Girls Allowed is on tour, everywhere but here, but they don't release their music in the US, they need to though...our music here sucks...we have to wait years for anything good to come out. And I've pretty much given up on radio. If I hear another "drop yo booty to the flo" "your sexy, take off yo drawls" record, I'm gonna to be very angry!


Tune in next time when we discuss, the craziness of Tom Cruise!

Blinded

Blinded and foolishly walking into a trap that I've unintentionally put myself in...what's a girl to do? I wish there was a magic mirror to show me what I should do next, maybe I'd be able to avoid the same mistake I keep making...
But the blindness makes it hard to see anything.

Maybe...Just Maybe

My friend Brooke once blurted out, "the government is controlling the weather!", it's been a joke ever since and well now after crazy cyclones and tornadoes appearing all over the place, I'm beginning to think he was on to something...
So maybe just maybe he knew something the rest of us don't...yeah now the government is going to arrest him and send him to "Gitmo"...maybe I shouldn't have written this?

Feeling wanted and appreciated

So, that feeling when someone expresses a sense of thankfulness for you being introduced into their life is a great one. I recently experienced just that at work with two different co-workers. I'm grateful for that feeling and I'm extremely grateful for the fact that they both felt compelled to express that opinion with me.

This situation is just another sign of God showing me that this is exactly where he wants me to be. Thank You God for placing me here and for lining up all the things in my life and for allowing me to see the pattern and the line I'm walking into the center of your will. I feel comfortable with the decisions I'm making and that's been a long time coming.

Band Wanted

I've grown up around musicians...my dad, my cousins, family friends have always been musicians. And I've grown up with an abundance of music in my life. I sing at church and though for a time in my life I felt it was enough...I don't feel that way anymore. Frankly, my taste and the things I want to explore are vastly different from what is currently happening at my church.
I've always felt this need to want to sing in front of others, not really to show off but because I feel like I need it because it's apart of me, something that needs to be released. If I could play and instrument, I'd be fine...I'd go to open mic nights and sing my heart out...but I don't. I just sing, I try to write, but it's been a long time since I've actually taken the time to sit down and try.
I've been praying for a while now that I'd find someone else who feels the same way I do about music...who doesn't know everything, but is dying to learn and who wants to put their talent out there. Not to make money or be famous but just because they feel a need inside them to release the gift God has given them. I hope I find that person or people and I hope that together we can make an abundance of music that fits us and our souls.

Sharing more than I thought

When I first started this blog, I didn't know what it was going to be. I thought it would be a way for my friends and family to read a learn about me, especially those that I don't get to see alot. But over the last few weeks, since I decided to really write I have found that I am using this space to give my thoughts and ideals and myself to people.
I've shared things that I'd never thought I'd share. If you know me you know I'm very private and don't easily open myself up to people. But I guess because I'm sitting in a room by myself and am doing this semi-anonymously, I feel at ease sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings.
Now I don't know if anyone actually reads this, besides Kristi, and that's fine....maybe someday someone will and something I wrote on here will effect them in a positive way...or maybe someone whose having trouble trying to figure me out can come on here and see just how I tick. Either way, I'm happy and hope to be writing on here for a long time.

Just a little crush

So, why is it that I've found a new boy to crush on....it's not the ideal situation, but it's there. I've tried so hard to dismiss this and see him as a friend. And I've talked myself into that role, but then he goes and does or says something extra nice or special....

Okay, I could be looking into this way too much, but I'm trying not too. I'm just trying to see him as a friend, maybe a good one. Hopefully someday more...but I'll probably never know.

Good Week So far...

I've written alot this week. Not just commentaries either, I actually wrote a poem (which is something that I haven't done in quite some time). I'm the kind of writer who can write when inspiration comes or who really needs to sit down and apply herself.
The poem I wrote was inspired. I guess you can say I have a crush.
Which in itself isn't a bad thing, but the circumstances of it all are less than ideal. I would love to tell you about it, but if I mention names and places, it could potentially get back to the person. And frankly, I'm not ready to disclose any extra information.


All I have to say is this week has been a good one, because I have had my share of time with this person. More time than I expected, in truth it's actually not that much time at all but it's something.
I've tried to not crush on this person, I've tried to sit down and talk myself out of the situation, and at times I've succeeded, but then he runs off and does something to bring me back in. It sucks, because I'm trying not to fall for him, I'm just trying to be his friend.

Suprising Confidence

Has anyone ever surprised you with confidence in your ability and in you as a person. No? Funny it happens to me all the time. Maybe because I'm often unsure of myself and what I want or maybe because I really don't think that highly of myself and always fear that others don't either.

Today I was given an unexpected surprise when someone told me what they saw (and frankly, expected in my future). I never actually thought about or considered it before, but he sees that for me. It was one of those moments, when I felt kind of out of my body, I wanted to look around and make sure he was actually talking to me. But I didn't, I took what he said and placed in my heart and in the back of my mind.

He's giving me advice for my future but also challenging me to something more. It's funny, because now that I look at it, maybe this was/is just another part of God's plan. He knows me and knows that in this area I would need a push and although I do think that he has given me small hints of what path he wants me to walk at work, I don't think that I ever really thought it out.

Well, I know I haven't thought it out, because I've been trying to figure out what exactly I'm going to do next, there's so many opportunities that I didn't know where to put my head and now I think I have a direction. Hopefully God will continue to expand on that.

Well I'm gonna wrap this up, but to all of you who read this and have supported me in anyway, thank you. It really means so very much to me.

Tingles

The smile, the laugh, the eyes bring the tingles and I'm lost in thought of you.
What are you thinking, how would I know but I can't help wonder if your thinking about me too.
Moments are shared in the quiet of a room and I'm paralyzed at the thought of being near you, I'm excited and scared but I don't dare leave your presence.
When you're here I hope at the thought of your smile, when your gone I imagine your voice whispering in my ear.
I dream of your touch and wish it would come soon. I try not to stare for fear that I wouldn't be able to look away.
Your voice alone gives me tingles all day. I can't stand the torment, but every time I decided to give up my crush, you turn around and change my mind.
I can't wait for another day to share a laugh, to wish it was a hug or that you'd hold my hand. I'm holding out hope that the day will come, when we share the tingles together as one.

I don't know if this has ever happened to you

You can't figure out the words to use to tell someone that you don't understand them, that after all your years of friendship and devotion that person hurt you and doesn't seem to care. And that after you stepped away from the relationship and tried to mend your wounds they found away to turn the situation around on you and tell others that you hurt them.
I've been having this problem I actually still do, but I'm trying to find a way to voice my true feelings without hurting others, which I guess is what God wants from me. The truth is I'm not really interested in rekindling a friendship with this person. I just want them to understand why I walked away. More important I want them to acknowledge what they did.

Dude, I'm changin'

I'm pretty straight forward...not really but for those of you who know me well. I am, I love the people I've allowed around me and I'm furiously dependent and protective of them all. What most wouldn't know is that I'm a crazed tomboy, I love wearing jeans and shorts with t-shirts and I would walk around barefoot everywhere, if I could. I don't wear make very often and the thought of constantly looking in the mirror pains me. So I look foolish sometimes, I don't really care.
But over the past few years, I started to think maybe there is more to being a girl, maybe I should start acting, dressing and being more girly. I don't know my outlook on things have changed. I don't know exactly how or why but I'm ready for something different. I know I told people and myself last year that I was ready for a make over, something drastic and crazy. I was truly but got scared. I don't know what I'll do this summer or the rest of this year, but I hope it's walking in the direction I want to go in.

My Melody...for tonight

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory


You are the only one I need,
I bow all of me at your feet,
I worship you alone
You have given me more than,
I could ever have wanted and I want,
to give you my heart and my soul.

You alone are Father, and
You alone are good, and
You alone are savior, and
You alone are God


Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

I surrender all, I surrender all
all to Thee my precious Savior
I surrender all

Something I wasn't expecting....background

Awhile back, I started to confide my feelings to my friend Holly Beth (Beth is not her real name but I call her that), I told her of my troubles and feelings that I was having over certain things in my life. I didn't share these feelings with anyone other than Holly Beth cause I felt and feel like I can trust her to listen and share an honest unbiased opinion with me. Something that's true that is encouraging but also challenging.
In October and November I was in a place where everything in my life felt stagnant. I understood and understand that it all came from my work environment, but that situation made me look around and see what else I was holding on to out of habit. I have been attending Marina Christian Fellowship for Nine years. It's home, very familiar and very safe. I love it, the people, the pastor, it's family. But I've never been as challenged or moved as I was when I was attending "The Bridge" in Ventura. The times I got up there where few and far between but it felt like I had found something that suited me. It maybe that at Marina I was surrounded by Adults and Kids, and at the Bridge I found people my age worshipping and praising God like I had never seen before. It lit a fire in me and I have been looking for a way to rekindle that ever since.
The bridge is no more and I have changed alot since I was an 18 year old going to church and singing with the worship team. I am older and though I don't know exactly what I want I do know that there is a part of me that NEEDS to be filled.
I know some people are going to read this and think that I am bad mouthing Marina. I'm not, in truth I can't see my life without Marina in it, I just think that sometimes I need to add a little spice, now to some that may seem like a cop out but to me it's the truth (and this is my blog so I don't care what you say).
I was seriously thinking about finding a new job and a new church back in November, but I happened to go on this Job interview and I got the job, which happen to require that I work Sundays. It's funny, because other people were more concerned about my "spiritual walk" than I was, I had been praying for God's will and felt like he was leading me exactly to the middle of it. I was out of church for about 8 weeks. I came back and sang, didn't sit out or sneak in the back, I was up there singing. It was fine, I needed it for myself. But I also realize that I need to be fed.
It just so happens that there was a plan in the works for my pastor to take over another church in Pasadena. I didn't know anything about it, but last week, he spoke there and we went for moral support. And something unexpected happened.