The Truly Great By Stephen Spender

To find the beauty

to find the beauty, in it's simplest form
to seek the pleasure of a hard worked day.
Its in the joy of sudden laughter and shorter smiles.

to find the beauty in the sway of grass and toll of bells,
in the grace of man and the movement of beast.
there is nothing more spectacular than finding beauty in the simplest of things...
in the unexpected and the whimsical.
In the smallness of night and the glory of day.

State of Nothing

It's hard to write when all you want to do is scream
it's hard to create when you feel you're not worth it
it's hard to use your voice when all you know is failure
it's hard...all of it is hard.

I never expected life to be easy
or its promises to be free
but I foolishly thought it would happen eventually
I was wrong

there's nothing but nothingness
no signs,
no hopes
no dreams
they are all lost in an abyss of nothing
waiting for a day to be plucked
but that day will never come

life isn't fair that's been made clear
life isn't easy, that's an understatement
life is just a series of events
from joy to pain and back again
it's hard to live when all you have is nothing

I can't create while watching as life slips by
my hands immobile
my fingers bare
my limbs unavailable to me
I am turning into the nothing around me

but I'm waiting...
for what I do not know,
I don't believe I'll get what I've been hoping for...
as my life slowly moves by
so do my words,
my thoughts
my voice
until, at last, I am nothing

maybe then I'll be happy

Glimpses

  a life I never wanted
  a prison term I didn't deserve
  I asked for it not to be
  then satisfied, walked away

  suddenly one day, I caught a    glimpse of what could be
  my fears melted away

  I began to imagine, to dream
  of what that life might be
  my dreams turned to longing
  a need so natural my reservations surrendered
  without a fight

  now I sit
  on the cusp of an adventure I did not want,
  one that I ran from and rejected,
  with a light heart, willing spirit
  and excitement surging me forward

  all changed
  all became clear, real and easy
  after one small
  glimpse
 

Things just don't change

I thought things would be different.
I thought there'd be growth
a maturation of the people there
I thought that they'd see something
want to better themselves,
want to make changes
I thought I would see these changes
and would be proud
I thought wrong.

Nothing has changed,
in fact, things only seem to be worse
no one has matured,
it seems that they've gone backward
it's a sad state to behold
to know that they are the same
or in some ways, worse
to finally really understand
that they don't see the wrong in their ways
that they aren't trying to make themselves better

I made decisions to better myself
I hoped they see them follow suit
I thought that maybe they'd take direction from me
maybe they'd want something better
but it's easier to stay the same
than to make the changes
especially if you are in denial about them being needed
I can't make them do it
I can only move on and hope...

Because the only change I can control
is my own

Dawn sparks the start of a new day
decisions must be made
feelings of safety and sanity must be eased.
This day comes with promises
hopes, dreams and concerns
the decisions made today will lay the foundations
The start or the wait
I'm not sure which is best
not sure which I should choose
but a choice must be made
and I'm the only one who can make it

Ghosts from the Fog

They move hazy, heavy in their weightlessness
through the foggy fields
confusion fills their faces
as their clothes tell stories of bygone eras
They are drowned in a misty light
shining eerily through the pre-morning darkness.

I see them, but feel no fear
only a concern for the lost souls
for they are lost,
they are seeking a place of refuge
a place to call home.

Slowly they march across fields
reenacting the very battles that left them here
dead
there's nothing left for them
these soldiers
all has moved on without them.

But still everyday
they battle and long for home
scared
or fearless
I cannot tell.
But sad and lonely
I can see distinctly

Here before...

falling
falling and no one sees
or no one cares
I'm falling
the only thing left for me is the crash
the crash that leaves me broken
broken
in pain
but that's the only way to know
to know
I'm still alive
because pain is what I know
comes easy
comes natural
comes even when my world is good
comes to break my heart
to devastate me
I'm broken
never healed
not enough time to mend
before the pain comes back again
I see myself
less and less
because fractures leave cracks
breaks leave scars
my broken my wings to fragile
they will never carry me off
so still I fall
waiting for the crash
that will always leave me
in pain

Piece of the Puzzle

Who was I kidding?
Only myself...
I thought I was important enough.
I thought I was special enough,
but I was wrong...so thoroughly wrong.

It's okay
I have to start over
I have to find what I need
who I need
what's important to me
because I put my trust and hope in the wrong people

I will fall
I will step off the path
I will continue to be disappointed
I expect it
I know it's coming, so why do I even act like it's not possible?

Because
I've always hoped that it would be different.
I'm okay
I will be okay
I will fade into life
and not look back
you'll remember me one day
and wonder what happened

and I will be living a new life
free from the disappointment
free from the hurt
and when you hear my voice in your head
you'll know
you were a piece of the puzzle
that drove me away

Place with No Sound

There's a place in my head that has no sound
it's a place of dreams and life
lights and peace
It's a place I always long to be

I am myself in this place, I open myself up
I understand myself
myself wants, needs and dreams

This is the place I keep secret
the safest place I can be
there is no fear here, only joy
there is no negative here, only love

There's a place in my head that has no sound
in that place the flowers grow
the wind blows
the water flows
because in that place its green and free

Nature can bloom
God walks among it
admiring his works
I sit and watch in awe
in this place where there is no sound

There's a place in my heart that has no sound
where my life is a canvas of colours running wild
where God laughs and hold my hand
and I know that I am going where I need to be

There's a place in my head that has no sound
my escape...
that only allows me in when life gets too hard.
It's my paradise

Out on a limb

Out on a limb
The loneliest place to be
Waiting, wondering Is this really all it could be
The magic has faded
The rest has turned to sleeplessness
And unhappiness creeps closer
Out on a limb
The journey has begun
But the road is different then expected
Missing things that never mattered
Losing sunlight on the things that do
Out on a limb
That's where I stand
A decision made, a dream come true
But why am I stranded on a limb
If this is what I wanted?

Life's Not a Compeition pt 2

  I refuse to compete for your affections...

  I now know where I stand and that place is not where it should be.

  No bitterness just hurt...

  You'll never actually understand because you don't see the error...

   I refuse to play second fiddle...

   I deserve more than that...

   I will not compete for something that you can't give...

   Life's not a competition...

   I'm done...

   The end!

The Way He Looks at Me

There's this longing...a questioning...a silent struggle trying to make its way through his eyes to mine. Like he's desperately trying to tell me something telepathically. I see it, I see that deep broken soul and wonder what his question is, what this look in his eyes means.

Is this new, has it always been there? The way he looks at me, even when we aren't looking at each other I feel his eyes trying to borrow a question into my mind...trying to whisper a statement to my soul.

There's something, I'm not sure what it is, but it's there...in the quiet embrace of a hug and the genuine moments of a smile...that look, that gaze, that question that will remain unanswered until he decides to use his mouth to ask it.

Searching, searching, searching for myself


finding only the things I don't like when I look in the mirror


hoping that one day I'll find beauty in myself.


But believing that there is no beauty to be found.


Moving forward in life clinging to the past


afraid to make those mistakes again,


or to allow it to happen to me again.


Loving the world but not enough to emerse myself in it


wondering everyday why people give any time to me


when I'm not sure I'd give that time to myself.

The Beauty

Beauty, I wonder from where do you come
God's vast mind?
It could only be in that place of perfect peace that colors can blend so fairly

The earth His perfect canvas, once
only shows its perfect beauty in the hidden places

Only away from man can

a bird of brilliant blue soar through a sunlit sky,
clouds magnifying its feathers

Only away from man
that's where you find ice so dangerous it can kill
yet so lovely it can melt your heart

Away from man
is where Tolkien's perfectly described forests lay green and untouched
their voices on the winds singing God's praises

Beauty, you come from God
in the scamper of a squirrel
the gallop of wild horses
the rain soaking the earth
the tint in a persons eye
and the cry of a baby

all created here on His perfect canvas
painted from the wonder of His vast mind.

Writing

Writing is essential
it's a part of life
a direct link to my soul.
I am nothing more or less than
the words I scribble onto paper
around my worthiest triumphs
and greatest trajedies
nothing can compare to the finished thought completed on paper.
Escaped from my brain, burden no more
I see the world and translate it with my pen.
Brillant and meaningful I take stock of this journey looking back
at whats made me this way.
Chapters swim around chapters, my words shape the tide.
I am my thoughts, my words...
the pen is my body
the ink my blood
I pour my life onto paper
I seek freedom in words.

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Heat

Heat weighs down on you
The sweat of the city drips all around you.
No relief
No sleep
Even your dreams are hot
The smog adds only pressure that rides on your back
You wait for night to come
No Sun, No Heat
No hope as the dark only changes the colors of the heats.
This week, this month, no relief from this Heat

Is that a breeze? hot air from God's mouth scalds your skin
Even the beach doesn't mark the pressure
The heat weighs down causing your walk to speed up.
Causing your every pours to cry sweat
Causing grief
Hide your old
Cover your young
Make way for the cold water
The heat will last there's no relief in sight.

Invictus

Out of the light that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


By William Ernest Henley

Goodbye

   Goodbye Love
    cheers to what could have been
    there was hope in my eyes
    longing in my heart
    but this thing is not meant to be.
    our paths are changing
    sending us down different lanes
    I hope that I will be a fond sweet memory to you as you are to me

   Good Luck, My Love
    in all you do
    may someone someday see what I see in you
    and when she comes to take your heart
    I pray that it'll be forever safe in her hands
    but until that day I'll take great joy in the rush I feel at the sound of your name.

   Goodbye Love
    so long, fair well
    until the day we meet again
    in my heart you'll always dwell.

What would you do...

if this was your last day on earth
would you conquer your fears and try someone new
tell that person you love them...
move the mountains and stir the seas...
or would you sit, in quit and wonder what will happen to the world around you
would you cry tears of joy...sorrow

if this was the day you knew was your last
would ask God to forgive your sins
would you go out and do all the things you were afraid of
or would you crawl into bed and hid your day away

if this day was your day, what would you make of it?
joy, pain, sorrow, fear, confusion....
would see call all your loved ones and tell them your truths
would you forgive those that have wronged you
could you?

if this was your final day