I think he's hitting on me, but that can't be right...

  A couple months ago I puzzled several peeps on fb by telling them that I thought a gay guy was hitting on me. There is are reasons for this and the comment came after months of comments on his part...finally I sat down and thought about it (since I wouldn't know if I guy was hitting on me even if he literally hit me) and came to the conclusion that yes, indeed, he was hitting on me. Which I found gross, uncomfortable and very confusing.

  So here's why I came to such a conclusion...first off within the first month of meeting him he told me that my breasts were amazing...I laughed it off and took it as a compliment, but ever since he feels the need to make some type of comment about them...so far as to once make the squeezing motion with his hands (I just walked away from him because I didn't know what else to do, I felt very violated). I've been told that my breasts are amazing before by gay guys cause they are oddly fascinates by boobs (but that's another story), so I didn't find that odd...but he's continued gawking and comments are a bit much.
  Next up, one day he ran his hand down my arm (he's a toucher. He touches everyone and anyone who comes within inches of him so at first this didn't bug me) he commented how soft my skin is and now every time I am wearing a sleeveless shirt he runs his hand down my arm and makes a shiver motion (yes, I'm about at wits end with that one).
  Finally, he started to talk about smoking weed...which is something I don't do, have never done and will never do. He said the side effects for him are that he becomes very horny (which was already too much info) then he went on to say if I was ever around him when he was getting high that I'd need to watch out cause he wouldn't be able to control himself. To which I promptly said "that'll never happen" then walked away.

  Those are my reasons for feeling the way I do and also for not wanting to deal with him any longer. It's very odd and even more unnerving and I'm quite frankly fed up and not really able to told my tongue on it anymore. So I'm just waiting for him to do or say something like that to me again so that I can put him in his place!

  Yes, I'm the girl who, oddly, has a gay guy hitting on her when the straight guy won't even look her way! smh, fml

  Until Next Time!

  ~m

Knowing what I want and don't want

  I've struggled for a very long time with the fact that I'm not married, not a mother and not in a relationship...for a long time it's been a fight I've been losing...for a long time I wished for something, anything. I didn't know what I wanted really; I just knew that everyone around me was getting married, falling in love or having babies. But now, as I am clearly surrounded by these things everyday, I am also surrounded by heartbroken friends whose relationships have failed or who are struggling to have a baby.

  I've been very fortunate in my life to be surrounded by many different people...shapes, sizes, colors, backgrounds, education levels, everything! I've treated all these relationships in their varying forms as learning platforms. I've taken from them all things I want and don't want. The type of person I ultimately want to be and the type of person I wouldn't want to be in any form. I'm starting to understand now why I haven't been where I want in the subject of love...because I didn't know what I wanted...I haven't been (and still am not) fully prepared for everything that a healthy happy relationship needs or what I need it to be. I am currently sitting in a very selfish place, and as I look around me I see that that's not where I need to be if I am going to find the person I am to spend the rest of my life with.

   I sit back and listen to certain (in my opinion very selfish and childish) people talk about their relationships, good and bad. I think about how happy I am that I don't sound that stupid, selfish or ignorant. I'm glad that I haven't been put in a situation where I think I'm happy but ultimately I'm setting myself up for failure. I'm happy that when it came to being in a relationship, I knew enough to step back and say this isn't right and I can't give myself away that easily.

   Do I know what I want?...yes....I made a list remember....but my question is, have I grown into the person that he wants/needs? I don't know, and I won't until I meet him. I hope that when that day comes I'm no longer sitting in my selfish chair and I'm ready to give my everything in exchange for his. I want to look at my list and say, yes this is him. But I want him to look at his list and say the samething about me.

   I know what I want and I know what I don't want....from myself and from someone else. The question is now...can I really live up to it?

Just a little crush

So, why is it that I've found a new boy to crush on....it's not the ideal situation, but it's there. I've tried so hard to dismiss this and see him as a friend. And I've talked myself into that role, but then he goes and does or says something extra nice or special....

Okay, I could be looking into this way too much, but I'm trying not too. I'm just trying to see him as a friend, maybe a good one. Hopefully someday more...but I'll probably never know.

My New husband has arrived, let the staking begin!

it's been sooooo long...

but I'm back and I have a lot to say, but I'll put it all in different posts so that you don't have to read this forever....so let's start off with my new favorite love....

His Name is Shia LaBeouf

ain't he cute....anyway...he leads me to my second ever movie review...

TRANSFORMERS!!!

Now, a year ago I was not at all interested in seeing this pic....I just thought another cartoon turns into a movie...lame! But I was quite surprised at the result of Michael Bay, Steven Spielberg and Shia's work. The movie was great and although I remember the cartoon and toys, I don't remember the story line (even though I apparently made my mom watch every episode with me), so the movie story is foreign to me and maybe you.

I love Shia, I think that he's cute and funny (he called his dog a crackhead) and I loved the parents (especially the "family talk" scene, which is painful and HIGHlarious)!

The chick, Megan Fox, is really pretty and I'm sorry but Josh Dummel is hot too. With Anthony Anderson, Bernie Mac, Tyrese Gibson and Jon Voight rounding out the cast it was just a great piece of summer blockbuster fun. And that's only the humans....

Optimus Prime, Megatron, Bumble Bee...they and the rest of the transformers where so great and real on screen that it hurt me to watch them fight each other. But the Autobots won and really that's all that counts....but I can't help thinking there's going to be a sequel! I mean that end was too light for me. I'm sure the message will get out not only to other autobots, but decepticons too.

Anyway, if you want a good time at the movies and haven't seen it yet...Transformers is the ticket. Enjoy!

The reason I watch NASCAR...

Well, he's no longer the only reason, but he is a BIG PART of the reason that I enjoy watching and knowing everything about NASCAR. Ain't he somethin'!
Oh, by the way his name is KASEY KAHNE!

PEACE OUT

m