Life is short, precious and once, don't take that for granted!
I watched a man have a seizure today, I watched him fall and lay rolling around on the ground trying to breathe! I also saw the aftermath when he attempted to "walk it off" (I guess). In that moment I felt so hopeless, so helpless, there was nothing I could do, my natural instinct to run over and help was thwarted by the rules of my job and in truth, what would I have done?
Nothing really, I don't know how to handle that situation so in my ignorance I probably would have hurt him or myself. Over the last few weeks, I've been trying to find some prospective on life and I think after searching it landed in front of me today.
Life is short and we let the meaningless get in the way to much sometimes. Forgiveness isn't so much for the other but for you. Love should be shared with all and happiness is contagious, so spread it. Don't take those around you for granted and love those who make it hard to love. Remember the person you hate could care less, that hatred is your burden not theirs, let it go.

Until Next Time...

Free Flow

Open your eyes to the sky above you and listen to the rain fall,


Sometimes you've got to pick yourself up and make the changes you need to make to get by


I've walked a long time to get what I want and still I have to walk more for it to be in my reach


Cherish your life, cause when it's gone it's gone...time is precious life is wonderful.


Watch the wind blow the trees


Watch the people go by, take time to watch life...then take time to live it.


There is always a time to sit back and enjoy what the hard work brings...don't let it pass you


Find the music of your heart, the soundtrack of your life and move with it.


No, let it move you


Remind yourself those who don't have but don't become disillusioned.


There's a plan in place that we can't see but if we don't do our part we will never find what's in store


Make mistakes....learn from them....learn from others....learn!


As we are reminded everyday....life is short, so don't let it pass you by....live it!

Something you may need to hear

I just wrote a word of encouragement to my friend. And after I sent it I sat thinking about how I knew it was what she needed. In truth, I could be really off, with what I said and she could be thoroughly confused. But because the way the words flowed out of me I'm thinking it was the right thing to say. Now after thinking about it, I believe God wants me to give the same (almost) words to someone who reads this blog....it could be one of you, it could be all...I hope that whoever needs to hear it does.


Just wait, it's coming...God has a plan for you and his plan happens in HIS time. It's a reminder that we all need to hear sometimes. You're probably frustrated and have grown impatient, but don't give up or in. Things are coming and you are being prepared for them. There's a light at the end of the tunnel that you might not be able to see yet, but keep walking...run your fingers against the wall and keep pushing forward. And when you fall put your hands in the air and He will lift you up onto your feet. Remember that sometimes, you need to talk...that why He surrounded you with the people around you. Also remember that times He's not only preparing you for what ahead He's also preparing them.


Hope that helps...love you!

Misc...

So I haven't written in a while because I haven't had anything to write about. Life's been pretty mundane and down right boring...but I should write something so here are some tidbits to tied us all over until I find something to write about....


I bought a new alarm clock, my old one died in the middle of the night, luckily I wake up and look at the clock at least once every night so I noticed it before I over slept. The new one is pretty cool. Its a clock radio and it does all these neat things...and it works, which is the important thing.
Came to the park with my family on Tuesday (9/16) to celebrate my brothers birthday. We had fun, but at about 5 I was done and ready to go. It was a long day.
I went by my old job to say hi to the people I like and ignore everyone else. The drama never ends there but at least people seem to be leaving to better themselves. And I realized I don't miss it as much as I thought I did.

Washington Mutual is in the crapper get your money out soon.

Finally (I know someone may ask about this so I'm just going to say it). Next year's theme at the Disney Parks and Resorts is "A Time to Celebrate/What are you Celebrating" something to that effect. And it was announced that you can come into the parks for free on your birthday...yes free...but here's the catch. You can't just show up and say its my birthday let me in. You have to register with Disney, probably via Disney.com and you have to provide proof of your birth date upon arrival. So, if you are thinking about coming to the park on your birthday for free in 09, please do the research and don't embarrass yourself at the gate. And please don't claim to know me cause I ain't gonna help you if you're acting like a crazy person.

You Tube

So, youtube is like one of the greatest inventions to come along with this new age of the internet. You can go on their and create your own web identity or like me use it to search for interesting content and old videos you saw 15 years ago!!!

I was on youtube earlier today and watched info on the Musical Wicked, old hair band music videos and behind the scenes footage of Idina Menzel making her album. I've never made a video for youtube, but I do enjoy watching what others have made. It also keeps me connected to one of my favorite bands (GIRLS ALOUD) who are from the UK and don't have any music in the US. I really appreciate the people who take the time to upload videos....also I appreciate the people who run fansites, cause those are cool too.

So if, for some reason, you haven't tried youtube...go there now and type in something from your past and see what comes up! It's cool, really it is!

Perspective

Sometimes you think to yourself, "nothing surprises me anymore", then something you least expected surprises you. I'm going through that right not, the only thing is it really doesn't surprise me, more like wow, that was a bold and nonsensical thing to do or say.
People are illrational (I don't think that's a real word) sometimes and you have to weed through their craziness in order to get to the truth. But the truth is hard to define. We all see truth differently, two people may watch or witness the samething, but because of their background or experiences they'll take it in and process it in a completely different way.
Differences are what make us special and unique but they can also be the cause of misunderstandings, prejudice and general saddness around us. I try my best to see things from others perspectives, to see what I may not see and to feel how they may feel because of an experience suffered in their past. I try to do that with the people around me...sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. And then there are other times when I think, wish and hope that people would stop and try to do that for me. I guess I'll never actually know if that hope was rewarded. But right now I feel like its hopeless.

hiatus

I'm going on hiatus, not from this blog but from the world, I need to be alone with myself and my thoughts. I need to plan and decide what I want from my life. I need to pray and find what I want from the people around me and how best to relay that information to them, because my current way isn't working. So I'm going to try something different.
Thanks Kristi and MM for your support

Sometimes...

you see signs that you ignore because you're not ready to take the truth at face value. I sometimes wonder why I lock myself away and cover my head with pillows, it seems that the world has it out for me.
When people disappoint me I look at myself and wonder what I did to make them act that way. But sometimes, the signs I chose to ignore clarify that it was never really my fault at all. I'm always too eager to love people and be loved back. THAT'S MY BIGGEST FLAW!!! I crave love, I crave being cared about and I try to give that to others. So when I am hurt, it's devastating to me, it breaks my heart and my head can't wrap itself around it.
I've put my heart away and I don't know if I will ever really be ready to take it back out. The unfortunate thing is the people who hurt you never know because if they were really looking at you they would have seen the signs that you were slowly starting to fall apart.
I sometimes dote on certain people on this page...that's because those are the folks I always feel I can count on... sometimes you realize that you can't count on everyone you think you can.

TV Sucks

I've realizes since I've been housesitting this week, that Television sucks nuggets!

I'm used to coming home and finding things I've recorded on my DVR, but since I'm not at home and I'm not recording stuff on my DVR, I'm realizing that the current state of television is just crappy.

There's nothing on but reruns and old movies that I've seen a thousand times, and I'm tired of it. It's all ridiculous! Reality shows suck, regular shows suck and all we have left is commercials... but those suck too. So I'm left to surfing the web, which you can only do for so long. I should probably go to bed, but it's still early so I'm just gonna to sit here and on go too crazy.

And keep surfing the web!

New Posts

I just posted some new poems I've written, one is old (from last year) the others came to me over the past five days I was out of town. I tried something different, I allowed my brain to work unhindered allowing the words to flow out of me and not stop them. In the end, as I was editing, I enjoyed them so much that I didn't change anything I allowed them to be what they are.


I don't write for anyone but myself, so if these poems don't reveal themselves to you, then oh well, I'm not going to worry about it. If they do, then I'm sure you get something different out of them then anyone else does. Please don't call me and ask if there's anything wrong either, my writing is mine, if there's something wrong with me that's my problem. And besides there's something wrong with all of us.


Enjoy them if you will, and if you don't... to bad!

The World From a Place

Sitting above the heavens to catch a glimpse of earth below, like a magic veil being lifted from my eyes I see the contrasting of colors, textures and terrain
I am lost in wonder as my world and skies are laid bare before me. Clouds of white cotton soft unimposing, but protective of whats below, kiss my feet with cool lightness quickly moving on to their next victim, leaving me breathless and undeniably eager for more.
It this where the angels tread? Their wings fluttering through the gaps where sunlight shines down to earth? Or is this place so perfect that God did not intend us to see it, but we defied him as always, seeking the knowledge he reserved for himself ? To that thought I am partial. I am in awe of the quiet beyond my window and yearn to sit on a cloud and watch the world unfold below me.
Vast as an ocean of green, brown, white and blue hues. Cities of lights, deserts bare and trails cut deep I cannot distinguish them but am content to do nothing but watch the time pass from my perch.
The sun beats my back and I am drawn into the my cool cotton home and listen to things I do not understand or care to.
I am home, in heaven, in this perfect place above the clouds where my heart is content and wants nothing more.

Untitled

Fill my heart with contentment and make me believe that all is well.
Listen to my whines with compassion, tell me no lies, remind me of love and passion
Kiss me with all you are believe me and my heart as I believe yours
Let us lye together in silence while the outside world spins around us
I am you and you are me, we need say nothing our minds are one
Like flower and field we are together for all time
Love me so your heart desires, I need you more to be my all
Lead me onto air and mystery
Make me your woman as I make you my and our love shall never end

Mistake nothing you have seen as truth, there is none here. Only shadows and lies of plenty, moving curiously through ages of folk who know nothing more than old wives tales passed down through generations of misguided elders.

Nothing in this world is folly; all is fake. Fields spring forth to nothingness and freeze in winter's depth. Summer rides eastern skies and triumphs as knocking doors cringe at heat. I am a rock of unyielding strength that cries as sorrow spreads.

Wake my mind if you dare and I will run you bare with gospel and toil, remove yourself from me but take heed at my words for I am the lies that you have heard.

March yourself into the fire, make yourself right in the lord and see the falling of all this earth. I am the message that you speak; all men shiver and fall before me.

Sleep in your dreams with care and suspicion for I am your Eden. Search no more for truth, this place has none for you.

Find yourself a manner in which to dwell and sell the secret you should not tell, for my words are death in it's simplest form... to covet, to clutch, to yearn, to warn.

I am the seeker set on path to guide those that must be glad to find themselves a way to see the truth behind beautiful things men create to show their charms and women wear upon their breast and me, I can assuredly attest that all is not above the rest, there is no place for rotten shores in heaven rigid corridors, I find myself a slight enemy to the nothingness that pursues me.

So hear my words oh sullen folk, drink the truth that I spoke and convince yourself of this fact; the truth is a lie more neatly wrapped.

Work In Progress

I am a work in progress...
A product of growth between promises that turned to lies and scarred the people who raised me.
I am a confused specimen carrying the load of someone else's burdens felt deep within my heart as if they were my own.
I am a child of a community that looks on me as if I were a stranger, but they don't know the history that surrounds my name.
I am a child of Reaganomics, R and B dominance... born when New Wave took hold and Disco cut it's own throat
I am that girl you see who yearns to be free but under the surface I've tied myself to a tree
I am silently trying not to be my father's child when my anger takes hold of me and all I know is that he's scolded me because I didn't put the pillow back in the right place...
Silently trying not to be my mother's daughter when she hit me in the face with her belt buckle... no apologizes, just disgrace...
I am the inexcusable result of years of abuse, the punishment of self that only a child can endure... aching, pleading, dying
I am the star of my own sitcom based on the non formal sense of normality
I am an unopened gift of regret and doubt, the lack of anger increases that which is not of worth
I am the childless mother who longs to hold the warmth of her child in her arms and cries when she must let go


I am...

I'm Back!!!!

hey here's a link to some pictures from my trip. There are pictures on this site that I took and some that Mike took, I don't think that Amber and Paul's are up yet. But feel free to enjoy them!



Not all of my pictures are up yet and they probably won't be for a while, so bare with me, they should all be up by the of next week.


I will definitely post something about my trip at a later time (maybe tomorrow), I just haven't had anytime to do it since I got here. See ya, enjoy the pics




http://www.eczema-nuts.com/gallery

hello Ipod update

Fortunately for everyone involved, my ipod has been retored to it's former glory! My music was still there and all I had to do was sync my Ipod to the Itunes system. I'm very happy and have since then import more music for my enjoyment.
See Ya!

Idaho here I come...

I was going to write this tomorrow but I'm not going to have anytime, so here we go!

I am leaving for Idaho tomorrow night, I will be there for one week with my best friend Amber, her husband Paul and Paul's best friend Mike. We are visiting their parents in Lewiston for five fun filled days.
I'm really looking forward to the experience and seeing another one of our great United States! (actually two)...We are flying into Spokane tomorrow night and from LAX, our flight should be cool, I'll have the window seat...awesome.
I'm really excited and happy to be away from work (which has been very trying lately) and being able to get a rest, it's going to be good. So, I should have to stories and pictures coming soon, but I won't be writing until at least the next Wednesday
I'll see you then!

Ipod/Itunes

The Ipod/Itunes situation at my house is outta control. My mom and I are the only two people with Ipods, but my parents don't really know how to work Itunes. In fact, our Itunes has been down because my dad did something while my ipod was syncing and I had stepped away from the computer. So although the itunes interface works (I can still import music and charge and sync my Ipod) we can't get onto the Itunes site to buy and download new music. I've known this for about 3 months and tried to get it working again, but it doesn't. My dad only found out about it last week and has been freaking out ever since. Because of what he did all their music is gone! And they can't get it back cause they can't get on the site to do so.
So last night my dad asks me if I still had his music on my Ipod....he used my ipod for jury duty, he broke the headphones and refuses to replace them, now even if I did have his music still, I wouldn't let him use my ipod again, so what he could break something else?
When I told him I didn't have it, I mentioned that they could still import music onto the itunes interface, he decided (after sitting in the car blaring his music and disturbing everyone!) to add a Michael Jackson Cd to his interface. Well, my Ipod was charging at the time and when he opened up Itunes it started to Sync. I caught what he was doing and tried to get over there before he could ruin my Ipod and I thought I caught him, but I didn't! He noticed that all my music was on his screen and asked me why, I told him because he let it snyc, so all my stuff showed up on his screen....
Fast forward to this morning, on the shuttle from the parking lot to the park, I took out my Ipod and got ready to listen, only to find out that all...I repeat ALL my music is gone. So what am I supposed to do, I leave on vacation in 4 days and I don't have anytime to replace my music if its totally lost...I'm so mad!

Now my dad is saying that I erased all the music, I did erase my music from his interface screen, but I had already unplugged my Ipod, because he was messing stuff up. So again he's messed up my Ipod and it's my fault. It's ridiculous but he just doesn't get it...cause "he knows what he's doing", yeah right!

Harry Potter, July 2009

So, here are some things you should know about me....(don't worry I'll get to the title of this post soon enough).
I'm the oldest child of Randal and Shirley Slayton, my parents have been together 31 OR 32 years. I have one sibling named Randal Jr. and I've lived and gone to school in East Los Angeles, Boyle Heights, City Terrace all my life.
I sing and write and make a fool out of myself on a regular basis and I love the people around me, even if I don't tell them enough. I wouldn't allow you in my life if I didn't love you! I love to listen to music...some of my earliest memories involve music, because my father is a musician. I love to read and I love to watch movies.
Reading and movies are the same thing to me...if a book is done right, while you read it, there should be a picture in your head continuously playing out what you read like a movie. It should take you away from the place you are and transport you into the world the author has created. In that same token, a movie does the same thing. I love movies because I can be completely lost in a world I don't belong to. Sometimes its an epic adventure, sometimes its heartache, sometimes love. But all these things are wonderful stories that sweep me away to a place where nothing else matters for a short amount of time.

Some of my favorite books have recently been turned into movies....Lord of the Rings, Twilight (which is a new favorite, but still I couldn't put the book down) and of course, the Harry Potter Saga. I learned with LOTR that I can't be disappointed with a movie version of a book, I have to learn to appreciate it on a separate plain. It's different and that's okay, as long as the director is trying to stay true while, trying to deliver his/her best work.
I love the LOTR Trilogy and am grateful for the work Peter Jackson did on it, and for the fact the he tried to stay as true as possible while also trying to deliver a great film/s. Even though my love for the Harry Potter Universe runs as deep as the world of Arda, I am not quite so in love with all of the HP movies like I am with LOTR.
I understand that WB couldn't hire the same director to do all 7 (or 8) HP films, but I do question some of their choices. For Prisoner of Azkaban, WB hired Alfonso Curion, who had won great acclaim for his work the year before, but it seemed to me like he took the previous movies and book and threw them out the window turning the HP world into a horrible reinterpretation of itself. He jacked up the timeline and confused people, even those of us who read the book! Even though his misguided attempt made money, I am sad to say that I refuse to watch the movie when it's on. That is my least favorite HP movie, but it seems like later directors took their lead from that third film and started building theirs on top of the shady foundation. A joke I think, even though the material does get darker, big things changed that just don't make sense (I'm not going to get into them cause this is already long!).
Now, I don't agree with everything done in the movies, but I do plan my year around when the next HP is coming out (I know, it's sad). This year there where only a handful of films I knew I wanted to see when we rang in the new year....

Prince Caspian
Wanted
The Dark Knight
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

You all now that I was upset that I hadn't seen a trailer, but rejoiced when I finally did. Now I hear that the last movie of the year (beside twilight) that I wanted desperately to see has been pushed back to July 2009! The blame is being put on the write strike! But I think that just a bunch of crap! It's about the money. The WB has made enough money to cover the misguided and horrible Speed Racer, The Dark Knight and now Harry Potter.
They have made the money back that they spent on those films and now don't feel like they need to put Harry out now, save to make money next summer. Well that sucks, you can't have one of you two biggest franchises list for a year as coming out a certain day, give us fans a trailer and then say "Well you know, maybe next year!" This isn't the world series this is even more important especially to people like me, who go to the movies and enter a world to lose themselves and forget about their troubles.
I'm so disappointed!

Pissed off

As you know I work in the Guest Research Department at Disneyland, which means I conduct surveys throughout the resort. And I although I can't tell you about them, I can use some terminology that you help you understand how we do things.
We have entrance surveys, roaming surveys and exit surveys. Today, I had the privilege of being at work ay 6:30 am, in order to conduct "special" morning suvreys while roaming around the park.
Well, while I was roaming, the other 4 people preforming this task with me weren't, no they (against direct instructions from the manager) stood in one or two spots the entire time. While I was walking around a good portion of the park getting rejected, they were grabing people easily off of rides and as they got to the end of main street.
Needless to say I didn't get anyhwere near the amount I was supposed to, and it made the start of my day that more terrible.

Reviews (Olympic Edition)

So did anyone watch the opening ceremony for the Olympic Games on Friday?
I did! And I want to put on my two cents into the review mix!

The Chinese did a fantastic job! (the base word for fantastic is fantasy, and in order to really use the word properly you have to be alluding to fantasy type imagery and I am). It was so perfect, so precise, so beautiful that it was like something from a dream, something magical!
My favorite part was the opening drum sequence (if you didn't see it live, find it on You Tube, amazing!) there were 2,008 Chinese men playing ancient Chinese drums that lite up, in unison while chanting...and when I say in unison, I mean in UNISON!, if one hand went up so did all 2,007 other hands. Absolutely breathtaking!

The whole thing was beautiful, the colors used, the way it was choreographed the imagery used; everything was amazing, it gets my highest review, if you didn't see it, find it it's worth it, trust me!


Well until the next review! Btw, I haven't reviewed "The Dark Knight" because I haven't seen it yet, yeah I know, but I'm not the last person on earth who hasn't seen it yet...I know two others who haven't seen it either.

Vulnerability

I was just watching this movie called "In the Land of Women", the mother in that movie gets breast cancer and they show her in the hospital with a head scarf on talking to her daughter. It brought me back to a moment in my life where I felt completely helpless...a moment I've never spoken about before.

When I was in High School, 10th or 11th grade, my mom had to have surgery...it was major surgery and she was in the hospital for a few days. I knew she was having the surgery and both she and my dad told me it was routine and okay. Ultimately she was going to be fine, but she needed this in order to be healthy. I understood and went about my life as normal, I understood the seriousness of it all but wasn't really concerned because I trusted my parents. I trusted my parents, but was not completely prepared for the moment I saw her laying in the hospital bed.
I don't know how most people feel when they see their parent/s at their most vulnerable moment, but for me it was so shocking and sickening that I didn't know if I should cry or scream.
I walked into the room and saw my mother in a way I had never seen her before, a way I never want to see her in again! She was disheveled, weak, hooked up to machines and barely able to move. I remember she had a morphine drip for the pain, which terrified me, because even then I knew morphine was not something you messed with. But how much pain could she be in if the doctors put this in her?I asked if she could become addicted, but was assured that she wasn't getting enough to cause any trouble.
We sat in the hospital for a couple of hours with her until we had to leave. I held myself together, but closed into myself, I couldn't handle the reality I saw...that someday my mother, my strong, loving, invincible mother...wasn't invincible and one day I would be in this world without her. One day she would die. It was a daunting thought and I've never been the same since that night. I had already had several traumas in my life by that point, but I think that this one opened my eyes to the world I didn't see. I think that in a lot of ways I became an adult that night. An unwilling participate in a world where my mommy wouldn't be able to protect me forever.
And still, now more than 10 years later, I'm still fighting against that ache in my heart and that memory in my head.

Like a Train Wreck

Hey All,

I few months ago I told you that I decided not to waste my time on reality TV anymore. Well, that was before I learned that two out of my four favorites of all time were coming back.
Yes this summer Sunset Tan and Dog the Bounty Hunter are returning to TV.
Now, I know what you're saying, "DOG? Really? That Dude's a racist"...maybe so, but that doesn't really surprise me, if you know anything about his background you could see that there was always potential for that kind of behavior. I'm not condoning it, just saying you can't deny it and I can't deny the fact that I LOVE THIS SHOW and his crazy family. Just the sure "white trashiness" of it all makes it so much more wonderful!
Then there's Sunset Tan, which is pure trash and I love every heart numbing moment of it. It started off like a true car wreck, I watched it, thought it was stupid, but couldn't take my eyes off it, it's been off the air for a year and a half and now it's back, I'm soooo happy!
So, I guess this post is to tell you all that I have gone back on my word I will continue to watch some reality TV, but only two shows....until Real Housewives of the OC comes back...then there's 3

It's amazing sometimes how the people around you see, hear and watch you more then you know and they figure you out. Sometimes they come out and surprise you with this knowledge when you least expect it.
My best friend is like that. I was lying on my bed thinking about something she said to me that really surprised me because it was something that I personally would have never thought about myself, but deep inside knew I needed. She does that kind of stuff all the time and it always surprises me. It's rare that you find that kind of person in your life, but I'm so glad that I have them. Yes, them !I have no than one of those kind of people in my life.
It good to know that when you think you're invisible to the world, you really aren't!

It's the Simple Things

I'm sitting at my best friends house and while we were watching Harry Potter I started to think about different adventures we've had over the years we've known each other. We've done tons of things....got drunk in TJ, sought out thrills at Magic Mountain, gone to countless dinners and on countless mall trips and we've even gone to the spa together. But I think my favorite time together was just this year. After not seeing each other for about a month Amber invited me over for lunch and we just sat in her kitchen ate lunch and talked. It was simple but it was special, just a moment with a friend. No expectations or distractions and when it was over I felt refreshed and reenergized! It was one of those days that I will always remember because of the way I felt. It made me feel good.
What I'm trying to say is, you don't always needs big events to have a special moment with someone, sometimes it happens when you least expect it and you still don't realize it, until like me, you are sitting in a room and thinking back on the moments of your life.
If you do have these moment cherish them whether in the moment or in hindsight. Those moments are the great ones!

If LA is Rocking...

...call and make sure all your peeps are okay...well are ya?

The Twilight Series

On July 15th, I added a post called "READING". I mentioned in that post that I was currently reading a book called Twilight. Well it's the first book of the series by that same name. I just finished (well about two hours ago) the third book of the series which is titled Eclipse.
Three books in Exactly two weeks, that's the fastest I've read pretty much anything (expect the last to HP books). I probably would have read the books in a week if I had access to them back to back, but I had to wait a week to borrow Eclipse and a day or two to buy New Moon, which is the second book.
I'm really enjoying the books and the characters and can't wait to see what happens in the last book, Breaking Dawn, which is being released on August 2, 2008. I do have to wait for a while, but my bro just bought it as an early birthday gift, so I'm expecting it to be delivered next week sometime.
I'm excited and happy that I've found books that can keep me intrigued and "tuned" in. Can't wait til next week!

Ask and you shall receive

The trailer for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is now online...and I figure out how to upload it on here so here's the link....enjoy!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwNpg_xj6ck

When you're hurt and you don't know what to say

Sometimes you get hurt by someone and you don't really know what to say to them. If you're anything like me it all comes out wrong anyway and you end up lashing out and hurting that person. For me, sometimes all I need is to sit back and rely on myself for a time. Ignore the person/people who I've been hurt by.

That's what I'm going through. It's tough being hurt, but even tougher when the people/person who hurt you is the person you'd usually be able to confide in.

Harry Potter and the Half blood Prince

As some of you may know, I ADORE the Harry Potter series...although I wasn't allowed to read them in some peoples company (Momma Maria). So every year I look forward to either a new book or movie. And well as most of us know the Harry Potter story came to an end last summer, but we still have some movies to look forward too.

Warner Bros., well at least this is what the HP fansites said, put out a press release saying that the new teaser trailer for HP/HBP would be out with the Dark Knight. I can understand that, i heard from some that they saw it and from others that they didn't (go figure). But for the life of me, I can't find anything about it on line and the WB hasn't put up the new site either.

I know I'm jumping the gun a little, but come on, the movie comes out in November, I NEED something to get me through til then...my next major movie fix is HARRY. And I'm stating to get all itching...it doesn't help that I've run into a snag with the summer reading, but only until Saturday!

Oh, I guess I just have to wait!

Reading

I'm reading again, right now I'm reading this book called Twilight. It is the first in a series of 4 books called the "Twilight Series", it's about Vampires (one of my all time favorite subjects...although this is the first book about them I've ever read).
Twilight is very much a girls book, it's about an awkward teenage girl going to a new school in a town she's fairly familiar with (her dad lives there). And she stumbles across this boy who she can't help but fall in love with. I just read this very intense moment that all girls, at sometime in their life, wish for. Where you are finally told (and in return you tell) what true feeling are flowing between you and how incredible it all is, without being overly sexual or cheesy just really special and quite poetic!
I'm really captivated by it, I started reading it around 6:30 yesterday evening and I'm almost done with it...I read it on every break I had today and basically every time I wasn't on stage or didn't have to pay attention to my boss. I'm taking a short break to do laundry and some Internet stuff, but then I'm going straight back to it.

I love reading, but it's been difficult to stay focused on a book lately. A former co-worker who wrote and published a novel sent me her book to read and I got about halfway and then faded, not because it wasn't good, I just wasn't in the right head space for it. I wasn't completely drawn in because I didn't allow myself to be. I was still more interested in what I had recorded on my DVR when I got home from work then what I in was reading. But when I'm done with this book I am going to restart that one and then I have one more that another friend suggest I read before I move on to the next book in the Twilight Series. I can't wait, but I need to finish the other books first, it's just the right thing to do and now that I'm back in the mood for reading I can't get enough books....


So if you have any suggestions for books I might be interested in just suggest them. I like fantasy (Harry Potter...well he kinda changed my life, Lord of the Rings) and girlie books (in her shoes). So anything like that. Dude, I just remembered...I also am intending to read Mists of Avalon and The Vampire Chronicles...it's gonna be a good summer for reading. I'm excited.


Until Next Time....

Writing

I miss writing, I write on here all the time but it's not really writing...it's actually typing. Computers effect my everyday life now more then they ever have. Even when I was working in an office working on a computer all day I still had to write. I was writing constantly. There was always a pen in my hand and a notepad nearby. But now, it's different.

I don't work within an office but I do work with an computer all day. I work with a computer in the field. If I write it's to remind to me write a note about my computer for the tech department. It's not fulfilling enough to satisfy my my need to write. It's seem that without that pen in my hand I haven't really had the need to express anything creative either.

I used to be able to sit and let things flow out of men through my pen onto paper. But now, I'm just stagnant, there's nothing even remotely creative trapped in my mind with the need to come out of me. It's sad really, it's a blank emptiness that I don't seem that get rid of. I'm lost without this part of me and frankly, I don't see an end to it.

I love my job, but I'm starting to wonder if it is causing me to lose part of myself.

I started to really focus on this blog right around the time I stopped writing in my journal. I guess I view this space as a journal, although i tend to sensor some things I write about because of those who read it. Maybe if I start writing in my journal again I will find myself more content in the my creative side.

I don't know, I'm just talking right now. I'm talking to hear myself think, not really for anyone else. Isn't that what this whole blog thing is about anyway. I have no clue who really reads this, so I just write. More to get my opinions out of me because sometimes I just can't seem to hold them in and sometimes I just don't have anyone to share them with.

Movie Reviews...

It's been a while since I've reviewed a movie and rightfully so....

First, I have to give you the background on this post. I started to write this last week about 45 mins after seeing Wanted. I started off by going on and on about seeing Indiana Jones and how disappointed I was and all this hogwash about rewatching the originals and being bored with those too. Then I started in on Wanted...I was writing this all on my phone and because I was walking down a hill and holding my phone awkwardly, I ended up turning it off and unfortunately lost the whole thing...so this is a new version.


Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

All I have to say is that I want my 8 bucks back!


Wanted.

Kicks butt. You all know that I love Angelina Jolie and I'm falling in love with James McAvoy! This is the perfect film for him to really kick start his career in the US. It's fast paced, smart and well...mind blowing. I wasn't bored (like during Indy) and I appreciated all of the special effects even though I knew every bit of it was impossible. I didn't care that they were bending bullets and flipping cars and all that because I was strapped in for the ride and enjoying it all.
Some may not get it cause it's too much this and too much that and very unbelievable, but a good movie is supposed to take you out of your world and put you squarely in someone else's. Sometimes when I watch a movie on the big screen my own thoughts and life sneak in a pull me away from the story, but that did not happen at all during this movie. And that for me is outstanding.
So if you haven't gone to it Wanted yet, then go ahead and do it...you won't regret it!

Ipod Troubles

I was about to come on here and complain about my Ipod and how I have been having problems keeping it charged as of late. And how I thought I'd finally figured out the problem and that it stood charged all day yesterday but when I picked it up this morning and tried to play it, it was dead again.

That's what I was going to say, but after plugging it in to charge I realized that I had accidentally but it on lock so I couldn't do anything to it and it would look and act dead. Oh well, I'm a dork.

Lord of the Rings

So, I was in the midst of a Lord of the Rings marathon...but I had to give it up...I started watching the extras (I have the special edition versions of each movie...4 discs each, two for the movie, two for extras) their fantastic and even though I've seen them at least 50 times, I still have to watch them.

Then I found out today that my lovely friend Kristi is having a LotR themed birthday party...FANTASTIC...I'm not sure if I can go but I know it'll be wonderful.!

Dropping Friends and Making Enemies

Over my short 28 years of life I have learned that I don't do well with toxic people in my life and although I do believe that God orchestrates who comes in and out of your life at certain times I think he does it to teach us lessons.
After we learn the lessons needed we may lose touch or get too preoccupied on our new season of life that we don't talk as much as we used to. But then in some special cases there are those that you specifically choose to abandon by the wayside because you know nothing good can come from a continued relationship with that person.
I see all relationships as a dialogue, an open conversation that should not be one sided, but can be shared between two people where honesty and good will are coveted. Where you want the other person to be honest, even if you don't like what you hear you expect and even crave that type of relationship.

I have realized that over the last few years I have been unconsciously taking stock of my life and my relationships with people. And as I look at it, my life, the way it is now, I have found that I have slowly started to move away from some friendships. Some because of time and distance (although I still try to communicate with those people) others because I no longer crave them in my life the way I once did and then still there are some that I realized are toxic and had to remove them from my life and completely give up the relationship.
Sometimes I look at those friendships and I'm sadden by the end result of such a potentially satisfying dialogue...I'm sad because I am scared or because I see that people are running into situations that aren't healthy and don't want help to step away from them. Also, I'm sad because some of those friendships failed because of pain, blame and the unnerving fact that sometimes people just can't say I'm sorry.
I'm never intentionally went out to hurt or harm anyone. When I give I give my all, but once you lose my respect you lose me. It's hard to get that back and most times I'm not willing to try. But even though I say this, I understand that I am also to blame for broken friendships. Generally when I'm hurt I run away, I don't want to set myself up for the pain again and I stay away from the people who hurt me. And when I try to help someone and I'm rejected I react in the same way...not usually at first, but over time...because I don't want to be there dump rug...
There are people that I've pissed off recently, I may have hurt them, but selfishly, it's for my own good. They've found others to replace me and will be fine. My season in their life, with this friendship is over. I'm okay with that and if they hate me...that's fine too.

Graduations and the heat...

Last week I went to two Graduations...the first was for my little sister Danae who graduated from Sierra Vista High School. She walked across the stage to thunderous applause and yelling from those who love and our very proud of her.
She will be attending Cal State University Los Angeles in the fall. Good luck Danae!

The second graduation I attended was for my friend Sam-Ana who graduated from Cal Poly Pomona with a Master's Degree in Education. She got a light blue hood and a black cap and gown...and we all applauded as she walk out of the tent holding her newly earned degree.
Working full time, being a wife and mother and going to school is truly aspiring and awesome.


I'm at work today. And its hot....in fact its been hot all week and it will continue to be hot....its crazy that's its already this hot and its only the 3rd week of June. My summer will be interesting, hopefully we don't have any record days this summer like we did last summer. At this point, I have a feeling I will be dark and possibly melted by the conclusion of summer 08.

I hope you all are staying cool and congrats to any graduates I don't know about.

Okay

So, it looks like I am back to working days (for the most part), for the next two weeks I have NO nights shifts and I hope that I don't get anymore any time soon.

I took my braids out and got a cute new hair cut, not as short as I would have liked, but it looks good so I need to get a picture up so you can see it.

And, last but not least...I'm going to Idaho this summer....I will be in this town called Louiston. Why am I going there you ask....well I'm going with some friends to visit their parents but they move back to Los Angeles. It's gonna be fun....we were gonna drive but I think we might fly instead....it'll come out to about the same price in the end...unless gas...I can't talk about gas it makes me sad. I love you all my Ventura Folks, but I fear I may never see you again cause I can't afford to drive up there! : (

I gotta go to be, have to be up by 5am! Yikes, that's the bad thing about working days when you're job is 27 miles away and you have to be there by 7:45am! Yikes....to bed with me!

So...

Last Friday, I had the opportunity to spend the day with the Main manager for my department at work. It was technically the final training day and he conducts it. We basically learn how our jobs effect the resort as a whole and why our work is so important.
I was excited about the whole thing until I found out who else would be participating in that day of training. It didn't turn out as bad as I thought but the people I knew would make fools of themselves did. I'm just glad it wasn't me. I made sure that I separated myself from them and I didn't look back.
In the end it was an exciting day, I had a lot of fun and learn alot. I already knew how much I enjoyed my job, but now that I know exactly how my work effects Disney directly I can take that much more pride in it!

Sorry I can't go in detail, but I had to swear an oath not to tak about the day and I won't anymore.

Lazy People (I'm totally venting)

So I can positively say that I work with a bunch of lazy people. Not all, of course, but a few of them are very lazy characters who don't really like to work and try to get away with as much "downtime" as they possibly can. Its upsetting to me because they try to get me to "lazy" around with them and think that I'm mad when I choose to actually complete why work before I go sit down.
Why do people hound you about how you're feeling when you stop talking and choose to actually put your nose to the grind and do your job, when your tired of hearing them talk and you just want to be alone with your thoughts? I think that's my number 1 pet peeve, people who have to ask you 20 times if you're okay just because you're standing by yourself or you're not saying anything in the conversation, just leave me alone. I will talk when I choose to talk, until then I am choosing to be silent and still and introspective.
I just wish some people would get a clue!

I found something to talk about...

Inappropriate commercials!!!!


There are some things we don't need to know, and some we don't care to know. At times people in our lives choose to share "too much information" with us and we either accept it or call them on it. Those are friends, but sometimes we hear, see or are told things that we just don't need to know. And there's nothing we can do about them....I'm talking commercials!

Have you ever been watching a television show one minute and the next you're watching a woman talking about her period and tampons or see two people about to get it on advertising for KY Jelly. Or finally (my personal favorite) two old folks giving each other the "eye" or sitting in bathtubs side by side holding hands. These are images that I'm sure help people but not all of us need or want to experience them.

I don't want to know about Viagra, Cialis or any other erectile dysfunction medication. I don't need to think about old folks doing it. I'm sure the men don't care to know about all the symptoms that come with a period and how to get rid of them. This is why we have friends, mother, fathers and Doctors, those people are here to help and share information with you about these types of things.

I wish advertisers would help by not putting these commercials EVERYWHERE, but its their job and its our job to watch, I have to admit, I have gone out and purchased new things because of these types of commercials, but most times when they come on, I just change the channel!

Stuck

I haven't written in awhile because I have again found that I have nothing to say. Nothing that I find important enough to share or that I fell comfortable sharing because, frankly, when you put something online it can fall into the wrong hands and haunt you forever.
Its a new month, summer is almost here. I hope all is well with you. Have a good day!

Think about it

Have you ever been asked to do a survey, or been approached by someone working at a mall kiosk? Have you ever been waited on in some form or fashion? How did you treat that person? What do you think that person felt when you left their presence?
I once was told that if you learn your server's name (at a restaurant) it'll go along way, maybe not for you, but definitely for them.
I work in a place where customer service is the call of the day, whether you're being yelled at or spoken to like a human being, you have to give the customer the benefit of the doubt. The job I have can be fun and easy or depressing and difficult, depending on the day. But the lesson I learned years ago has now fallen onto the other foot.
People can be rude and downright mean sometimes, but I can take it with a grain of salt. I figure if they're that way to me, at Disneyland, then they have bigger problems then I have time for anyway. But I've also realized that the people who aren't willing to listen are the people who complain the most.
This is a me, now generation (world). We want things now and we don't want to hear otherwise. I'm that way too, at times, but this job has taught me so much. I chose my job, I could have gone anywhere, but I didn't. I'm not complaining its just the truth. I don't regret my decision, but there are some out there who in this time of economic woe and maybe a lack of experience can't find anything else. Those are the people I want you to think about. The teenager at the mall who may be there because they have to help pay family bills, or the old man asking you to take a survey because he HAS to work in order to pay for his medication. These are real stories and these stories and people shouldn't be ignored or overlooked.
Now with all that said, I can understand if you don't want to take a survey or if your food was cold or if you got over charged. But really do you have to be rude, there could be circumstances beyond any one's control at play in that situation. Take a breathe and think about what you say and how it may effect the person you say it to. Your waitress may be a single mom just holding her family together, that person doing survey may have just lost their child and is still grieving.
Most of us greet you with a smile and add a thank you at the end, even if your rude, but please try not to be. Remember everyone has a story, just because yours is different doesn't make it more important. Try to be kind to the world and some if not most of the world will return that kindness. And if all else fails just think....

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

I'm a Prude

I've never done drugs, didn't drink until I was 21 and was never around people who did either. So as an adult these things are slightly foreign to me.
I will have an occasional drink with my best friend, but as far as drugs are concerned they're like something I've only see on the news.
So when I hear people my age or younger talking about the drugs they do (currently), I'm baffled and I'm kinda disgusted. There's a certain time in your life when you should grow up and start acting like an adult. A time to leave childish things behind and own up to the fact that you can't do those things anymore.
I, frankly, don't understand the appeal of drugs. I can't fathom, wanting to feel out of control, setting yourself up for a situation you may not be able to handle or protect yourself from.
To me its just too big a risk to throw all things away (and spend my money on) some "high" that may last only a couple hours. I have more important and productive things I could be doing.
I'm sure, I will never understand it and will always be disgusted by the way some people nonchalantly walk their way from high to high without concern for the bigger picture. But that's just me...I guess.

Nothing to write about

I've been sitting at the computer for a few hours...neglecting everything else I should be doing to try and figure out what I wanted to write about here in this blog. But I have yet to come up with a goo idea. I know that in a few hours when I am no longer able to get on the computer I will come up with a great topic, but right now I'm stumped.

Alright, I'm gonna go take a shower, eat, watch TV, or wash the dishes...maybe all of the above!

Just letting you know

I've recently got a couple people asking me how to comment on here. Well, here's how you do it.

You do not have to have a blogger page or have to be signed up on this site. All you do is click on "comments" under the particular post you want to comment on.

Then type your comment in the box to the right

On the bottom there are several choices you can use to publish your comment...you can sign in (if you have an account), or you can type in your name or do it anonymously.

How ever you want to do it is fine by me...

Help this helps!


Peace Out

Thanks

According to Kristi Bugg... or as my dad calls her "Crispy", there are folks out there who read my blog but don't comment...well as i sit here ready to fall asleep, blowing my nose, telling myself I'm NOT sick, I just wanted to give you all a big THANKS!


THANKS for reading, even if you don't comment and thanks for any prayers or well wishes you send my way. I truly appreciate it. I also want to say I'm sorry if I've ever offended you, it's not my intention to offend anyone. I'm just here so the people in my life can see what makes me tick. And maybe have a better understanding of why I am and who I am.


THANK YOU again.!

Reality Television

I've recently, like yesterday, given up on reality television. I went through my dvr timers and deleted anything having to do with reality tv. Over the last few weeks I've found myself recording these shows and putting off watching them. Watching the shows became more of a chore and less for enjoyment. The last reality show I watched was last weeks episode of "Keeping up with the Kardashsians", I just realized that there was no reason for me to watch these people. I don't really watch a lot of reality tv anyway, don't get me wrong there was a time when I tuned in for the Real World, Laguna Beach, America's Next Top Model, American Idol, Real Housewives of the O.C. and so on, but I've come to realized that the people on the shows are showing me the worst in people. My favorite really, of all time bad shows I've watched is "Flavor of Love" (if you haven't seen this show you must watch it, there's no way for me to describe it to you) women fighting over a very very unattractive man, it's ridiculous! And it makes me angry.
I think, like everyone, I've been sucked into reality tv and like the generation behind me, I can't really remember a time before reality tv. I mean, I know there have always been game shows and things that are "reality", but I'm talking about the shows we have on today...the Big Brother's, Bachelor's, Temptation Islands...those shows, I mean how did we get here?
My real Journey with Reality TV came from this show called "The Real World". We didn't always have cable, but when we got it, I would sit for hours and watch MTV, I could tell you every hair band, sing every song and knew all the VJ's! Then MTV, came out with this show...they took "7 strangers, put them in a house" and you know the rest...it was so crazy to me. These were people in New York, who were living their lives and being adults, they were doing things and talking about things I didn't know about. And I was hooked. I credit the Real World with giving me my first gay friend, Norman, I didn't really know what gay was until I heard Norm talking about it. It was new and inspiring and crazy and great and I learned so much about things I didn't know anything about...being Gay, AIDS, Abortion, it was a real education. I kept watching season after season, then started to get tired. The people coming on the show, weren't coming to teach, like Norm and Pedro, they were coming to be famous and I couldn't handle that. The show that I loved had made me turn a cold shoulder on it. But I was addicted and kept finding new shows to watch. Now, I'm fed up, I'm not learning anything, I'm watching fake, spoiled people wrestle in crap and make out afterwards and calling it entertainment.
Well, no more! I'm done and I'm not sad about it.

The Round Up

Okay, so there's lots of stuff going on in the world of celebrity and I've been slowing giving up reading about celebrities and their craziness...but there are a few comments I'd like to make... so here we go...



I'm glad Britney is trying to get her stuff together, but the girl CAN'T drive...I guess we should be happy the kids weren't in the car this time.



Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon....hummm, why? No really...can anyone tell me why?


Tom Cruise is still crazy...Katie we need to break her out of prison!


New Kids On The Block will being "HANGIN TOUGH" in a city near you soon. Dude, if I had the money I'd so be there (I wonder if my parents would buy me tickets like they did when I was younger?)


Two words.....James McAvoy


Angelina and Brad are having twins....and she's in a movie this summer with the guy above.


Humm, is it just me or are the Lakers good this year?


Why So Serious? Are you gonna go see it? are ya?


Why is Lauren Conrad famous? Just wondering


Tons of bands are giving away their music for free, now Metallica is thinking about doing the same thing with their next album...what? are these the same guys who sued Napster because their music was being downloaded for FREE? Pot/Kettle!


Amy Winehouse, great talent, I pray that she has people around her who can get control of her like Britney's peeps did. It's so sad to see her wasting away.


NEWS FLASH: Tom Cruise is still CRAZY!


And finally Girls Allowed is on tour, everywhere but here, but they don't release their music in the US, they need to though...our music here sucks...we have to wait years for anything good to come out. And I've pretty much given up on radio. If I hear another "drop yo booty to the flo" "your sexy, take off yo drawls" record, I'm gonna to be very angry!


Tune in next time when we discuss, the craziness of Tom Cruise!

Blinded

Blinded and foolishly walking into a trap that I've unintentionally put myself in...what's a girl to do? I wish there was a magic mirror to show me what I should do next, maybe I'd be able to avoid the same mistake I keep making...
But the blindness makes it hard to see anything.

Maybe...Just Maybe

My friend Brooke once blurted out, "the government is controlling the weather!", it's been a joke ever since and well now after crazy cyclones and tornadoes appearing all over the place, I'm beginning to think he was on to something...
So maybe just maybe he knew something the rest of us don't...yeah now the government is going to arrest him and send him to "Gitmo"...maybe I shouldn't have written this?

Feeling wanted and appreciated

So, that feeling when someone expresses a sense of thankfulness for you being introduced into their life is a great one. I recently experienced just that at work with two different co-workers. I'm grateful for that feeling and I'm extremely grateful for the fact that they both felt compelled to express that opinion with me.

This situation is just another sign of God showing me that this is exactly where he wants me to be. Thank You God for placing me here and for lining up all the things in my life and for allowing me to see the pattern and the line I'm walking into the center of your will. I feel comfortable with the decisions I'm making and that's been a long time coming.