I decided to do this again....
I have a tumblr blog, it's not a journal-like blog like this one...it is a "girly" fashion, makeup, shoes and accessories blog. I'm not trying to school anyone in the ways of being girly...cause I'm not, but I do have to say that somewhere inside of me is a real girly girl trying to escape!
This belong is the first of many steps to that. I hope you swing by and give me your feed back, I'd really appreciate it!
This blog will keep going, cause I still need someplace to vent my frustration and concerns.
Until Next Time
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
When it Rains, It Pours...
And it's not always the good kind of rain.
Last week I had a job interview and well, today I was informed I didn't get it. I've tried to stay pretty positive about the whole job hunt thing. Not getting any call backs or only getting scams and now, it's the getting all the way through two interviews and a "test" but still being told you're not what we're looking for. It sucks!
I'm still trying to keep my head up. I instinctively knew that I wasn't going to get it, but I'm still disappointed. I'm still sadden by the fact, that my skills...my experience isn't good enough. I'm starting to feel trapped and I don't like it.
So now, it's back to the drawing board....back to the disappointment. Trying to keep the sadness from taking over.
Last week I had a job interview and well, today I was informed I didn't get it. I've tried to stay pretty positive about the whole job hunt thing. Not getting any call backs or only getting scams and now, it's the getting all the way through two interviews and a "test" but still being told you're not what we're looking for. It sucks!
I'm still trying to keep my head up. I instinctively knew that I wasn't going to get it, but I'm still disappointed. I'm still sadden by the fact, that my skills...my experience isn't good enough. I'm starting to feel trapped and I don't like it.
So now, it's back to the drawing board....back to the disappointment. Trying to keep the sadness from taking over.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Know Peace
As I sit here writing this post I have thoughts nagging at the back of my mind. Thoughts that are more worrying and over powering than anything I can read in the news at the moment. But in the news, besides Arnold's Baby, the Boxtox Mom and the Nazi Director (see what I mean) there is a story about the end of the world. If you haven't heard it yet...here it is. The world will end on Saturday, May 21, 2011. Or at least that's what someone has predicted.
I vaguely heard something about this a couple months ago, then recently saw a billboard for it. And now, on the eve of this day there is a definite uproar about it everywhere. I don't believe it because frankly, I believe in God. I believe what the bible says about the end of the world. That only God knows that date and God will only tell Jesus when it's time. No one else is privy to the information because....no one else is worthy of it. So for some guy to come out and say this is what's going to happen makes me laugh.
As a human, there's always that self doubt, I believe what I believe but there's that little voice saying....are you sure? Listen if the world ends tomorrow I will, be wrong. I can live with that. But if it doesn't...then what? What are we supposed to do...go on with the rest of our lives until the next day the world is supposed to end....which is next year(I'll have another post on that topic), THANKS MAYANS!
I know peace, the peace that passes all understanding the peace that God gives out to quiet our souls and give us calm. The peace to dismiss the ridiculous, the turn the other cheek and keep ourselves walking on the path toward heaven. This peace is a peace everyone should have. A peace that God will give you, all you have to do is ask. This is the peace that will keep me grounded and happy.
So tomorrow when the world is running around waiting for the end, I'll be at peace knowing that God's in control and I'm okay. And if tomorrow He does decide to end it all...I'll be at peace with that too.
Next Until Time...
I vaguely heard something about this a couple months ago, then recently saw a billboard for it. And now, on the eve of this day there is a definite uproar about it everywhere. I don't believe it because frankly, I believe in God. I believe what the bible says about the end of the world. That only God knows that date and God will only tell Jesus when it's time. No one else is privy to the information because....no one else is worthy of it. So for some guy to come out and say this is what's going to happen makes me laugh.
As a human, there's always that self doubt, I believe what I believe but there's that little voice saying....are you sure? Listen if the world ends tomorrow I will, be wrong. I can live with that. But if it doesn't...then what? What are we supposed to do...go on with the rest of our lives until the next day the world is supposed to end....which is next year(I'll have another post on that topic), THANKS MAYANS!
I know peace, the peace that passes all understanding the peace that God gives out to quiet our souls and give us calm. The peace to dismiss the ridiculous, the turn the other cheek and keep ourselves walking on the path toward heaven. This peace is a peace everyone should have. A peace that God will give you, all you have to do is ask. This is the peace that will keep me grounded and happy.
So tomorrow when the world is running around waiting for the end, I'll be at peace knowing that God's in control and I'm okay. And if tomorrow He does decide to end it all...I'll be at peace with that too.
Next Until Time...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Little Girls
We have an epidemic on our hands. I daughters don't know how much they're worth. They don't know that they are special. We put them in front of the Television or computer and show them all these women who are selling themselves short. Marketing their bodies, giving their souls away, these are not the women our girls should be looking up to.
My role models have always been the women around me, and I hope that in someways I can be some kind of role model to someone else. I'm not saying that I'm great, but I am saying that I hope there's someone out there who can learn from my mistakes and heartbreaks and doesn't have to go through them herself.
I just wish we could offer more hope to our daughters...more than just half naked celebrities, sex tapes, bad behavior and low morals. I just really hope that there are women out there who believe, hope and pray for the same.
Until Next Time.
My role models have always been the women around me, and I hope that in someways I can be some kind of role model to someone else. I'm not saying that I'm great, but I am saying that I hope there's someone out there who can learn from my mistakes and heartbreaks and doesn't have to go through them herself.
I just wish we could offer more hope to our daughters...more than just half naked celebrities, sex tapes, bad behavior and low morals. I just really hope that there are women out there who believe, hope and pray for the same.
Until Next Time.
Examples
Parents should set good examples for their children. No one told my father that, because he sets examples for us their just not good examples. In January when I lost my job, I was told the Friday before that I was going to be fired the following Monday. I came to my parents told them the story and got absolutely no support. My father was discouraging and my mom told me to beg for my job. No matter how much I didn't want to go back into that place they both insisted that I do. So I went, got fired and came home. They couldn't understand why it happened even though I told them it would. It's like they forgot the conversation we has two days before.
Fast forward 4 months later, my father was given notice that he will receive a pink slip at the end of this school term, a pink slip with the possibility of not getting find just moved to about school. You know what he did Monday....no, he didn't go to work like he told me to do. He didn't go in Monday or Tuesday. He stayed home and moped in his bed like a baby. He decided that it was just too tough to go in and maybe have the support of his supervisor, and maybe just maybe be placed at a different school. I didn't have any support, I was going and all the people around me knew it, they had created the situation and I was the patsy. He's just lazy...
How can you tell you child to do one thing then you do something completely different, maybe it' because he's stubborn, selfish and can't see beyond himself. or maybe it's because he feels like he's entitled and he can't understand why no one else gives a flying fuck. I could be wrong, but I think I know my father well enough to know this isn't going to end well.
Fast forward 4 months later, my father was given notice that he will receive a pink slip at the end of this school term, a pink slip with the possibility of not getting find just moved to about school. You know what he did Monday....no, he didn't go to work like he told me to do. He didn't go in Monday or Tuesday. He stayed home and moped in his bed like a baby. He decided that it was just too tough to go in and maybe have the support of his supervisor, and maybe just maybe be placed at a different school. I didn't have any support, I was going and all the people around me knew it, they had created the situation and I was the patsy. He's just lazy...
How can you tell you child to do one thing then you do something completely different, maybe it' because he's stubborn, selfish and can't see beyond himself. or maybe it's because he feels like he's entitled and he can't understand why no one else gives a flying fuck. I could be wrong, but I think I know my father well enough to know this isn't going to end well.
Alone Time
I've always been a sort of shy social butterfly. I love people (most of the time) but I am also afraid of them. I have trust issues and I never know how to navigate until I've been around someone enough. I usually start off quiet, which I've been told comes off in a bad way, but it's so I can find the dynamic of the situation I'm walking into, but why am I giving up so much of myself to fit into someone else's group? When I was younger I always thought that I needed to be with people, that if I wanted to go to a movie or a restaurant I needed to be with someone to talk to or to share the experience with. Then I went to a movie alone....then a restaurant...then slowly but surely I realized that sometimes, I'd just rather be by myself.
Don't get me wrong, it's nice to go out with friends, but if you're friends are busy or married (like ALL of mine) then you have to do things on your own or end up staying at home all the time. You have to learn to like/love yourself enough to be secure in yourself. You have to learn to like yourself enough to be in your own head and not be afraid of it. Some people won't understand that, but others will.
It takes time to get to this state...for me, it took time and an unsatisfying life as I knew it (it also took crappy birthdays). I realized that I can't sit around and wait for someone, I also realized that my relationships can't be true if I'm not sure what true is. How can I give an opinion when I don't even know the different between my heart and my head. For me it took years, still for others it may take longer. In the end I know this I love my alone time...so much so that when I don't get it I feel like I'm going a little crazy.
Alone time can be relaxing to the soul, it's time when you can just be...no expectations, no rules, no rushing...just you. That may scare you, but it's a good scare.
Don't get me wrong, it's nice to go out with friends, but if you're friends are busy or married (like ALL of mine) then you have to do things on your own or end up staying at home all the time. You have to learn to like/love yourself enough to be secure in yourself. You have to learn to like yourself enough to be in your own head and not be afraid of it. Some people won't understand that, but others will.
It takes time to get to this state...for me, it took time and an unsatisfying life as I knew it (it also took crappy birthdays). I realized that I can't sit around and wait for someone, I also realized that my relationships can't be true if I'm not sure what true is. How can I give an opinion when I don't even know the different between my heart and my head. For me it took years, still for others it may take longer. In the end I know this I love my alone time...so much so that when I don't get it I feel like I'm going a little crazy.
Alone time can be relaxing to the soul, it's time when you can just be...no expectations, no rules, no rushing...just you. That may scare you, but it's a good scare.
White House
We are the owners of the White House, whether I ever see it in person or walk it's halls. I, as an American citizen am a partial owner of that house. And as an owner I was thrilled to hear that the Obama's wanted to open the White House up to everyone, hold events where different people of different experiences and cultures can come together and learn from each other. They wanted to make this White House the people's house again.
When people hear the White House, I think they forget that it's actually a house. Yes, it's an office building, newroom, banquet hall, restaurant and museam too, but first and foremost it's a house. It's our house! America's House! The People's House! And the US is our Melting Pot. We aren't a country made up of one type of people, so even though up until 2 years ago our "House" was represented by one certain type of people, we now can see something different respresented. This "difference" has embraced the fact that we are all different and that our differences should celebrated and learned from.
So yesterday, when scrolling yahoo's homepage I saw an article about Common (rapper, activist, poet, actor) being invited to the White House for a poetry slam being held this week. He was invited to preform. Of course the article insinuated that Common is a gangsta rapper (which he's not) and that he's filthy and not fit to walk through the halls of the Great House. Really? I went on to read the comments, half of which were positive, the other half were not. But the funniest comments were the ones pointing out that George H.W. Bush invited Easy E to the White House...Easy E who by many standards is one of the worst gangsta rappers ever. But people are afraid of someone more know for spoken word? Or is it that he's black and the President inviting him is black?
CommentS stating that the Obamas were trash inviting trash into the White House is terrible and unnessecary. The truth is that Presidents have invited many different people to the White House over the years and some of those people didn't have the most idyllic backgrounds (and let's not forget the President that had women brought in for him to shag while he's wife was down the hall).
So is it the fact that Common is a rapper or that he's black, that has these people up in arms? Or is it the fact that he bad mouthed President Bush (cause if that's so...most people can't go to the White House). Or is it simply the fact that rap music and "urban" poetry is still considered less than by a public of people who try to plead that their children are lacking the education of the arts but refuse to see just how diverse the arts have become? Anyway you put it, people are up in arms for the wrong reasons and ready to critize on the drop of a dime.
I criticized Bush all the time, but not for his White House guests...more for he's lies, fabrications and willingness to get us into 2 wars while saying we're looking for a mass murdered when all the while he's been in an entirely different country. Yes, I criticized Bush for being a war criminal, for profiting from thieves and for sitting back at his ranch while watching people in the south die. Yes, I criticized him...but not for trivial things like inviting a rapper to the White House.
When people hear the White House, I think they forget that it's actually a house. Yes, it's an office building, newroom, banquet hall, restaurant and museam too, but first and foremost it's a house. It's our house! America's House! The People's House! And the US is our Melting Pot. We aren't a country made up of one type of people, so even though up until 2 years ago our "House" was represented by one certain type of people, we now can see something different respresented. This "difference" has embraced the fact that we are all different and that our differences should celebrated and learned from.
So yesterday, when scrolling yahoo's homepage I saw an article about Common (rapper, activist, poet, actor) being invited to the White House for a poetry slam being held this week. He was invited to preform. Of course the article insinuated that Common is a gangsta rapper (which he's not) and that he's filthy and not fit to walk through the halls of the Great House. Really? I went on to read the comments, half of which were positive, the other half were not. But the funniest comments were the ones pointing out that George H.W. Bush invited Easy E to the White House...Easy E who by many standards is one of the worst gangsta rappers ever. But people are afraid of someone more know for spoken word? Or is it that he's black and the President inviting him is black?
CommentS stating that the Obamas were trash inviting trash into the White House is terrible and unnessecary. The truth is that Presidents have invited many different people to the White House over the years and some of those people didn't have the most idyllic backgrounds (and let's not forget the President that had women brought in for him to shag while he's wife was down the hall).
So is it the fact that Common is a rapper or that he's black, that has these people up in arms? Or is it the fact that he bad mouthed President Bush (cause if that's so...most people can't go to the White House). Or is it simply the fact that rap music and "urban" poetry is still considered less than by a public of people who try to plead that their children are lacking the education of the arts but refuse to see just how diverse the arts have become? Anyway you put it, people are up in arms for the wrong reasons and ready to critize on the drop of a dime.
I criticized Bush all the time, but not for his White House guests...more for he's lies, fabrications and willingness to get us into 2 wars while saying we're looking for a mass murdered when all the while he's been in an entirely different country. Yes, I criticized Bush for being a war criminal, for profiting from thieves and for sitting back at his ranch while watching people in the south die. Yes, I criticized him...but not for trivial things like inviting a rapper to the White House.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Is that it?
There have been few times in my life when I can say that I was completely happy. Not just happy on the surface, but I felt like I was being fulfilled in every way possible. Those times revolve around music and children. There were 3 years where I led worship at Children's Summer Camp and I've worked with kids for 6+ years. Alone those experiences seem good, great even...but when I look at them as a whole. Two pieces that fit my personality I see that it was perfect.
So in sitting around searching for what God wants for me I have to ask myself.."is this it God", are you telling me that the path I'm supposed to be on involves children and music? Are you telling me that I'll be truly happy again when I'm selfishly giving my all to two things I am completely passionate about? It sounds so easy and with God I can do anything...I just need to know where to step!
So in sitting around searching for what God wants for me I have to ask myself.."is this it God", are you telling me that the path I'm supposed to be on involves children and music? Are you telling me that I'll be truly happy again when I'm selfishly giving my all to two things I am completely passionate about? It sounds so easy and with God I can do anything...I just need to know where to step!
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Crying
I don't know why, but for the last few months I've been crying more than I ever have before. I've tried to figure out if there's something wrong with my emotionally, if there's something deep down that I haven't dealt with, but I need to. But, for the life of me, I can't think of anything.
I'm happy, I'm taking care of my family, I'm loving my friends, I'm trying to be still and listen to the Lord...yet I'm crying. Maybe in this stage of life I'm in I am just more open to tears, to the emotions behind them, which aren't always bad. Sometimes you have to cry just to let things out...
I've been thinking it's hormones, but it's not...I'm crying when I'm not on my period (or close to it)...in fact, the tears come for any and everything...the last time I cried was yesterday and it was because I was watching a documentary on JK Rowling and she was talking about the end of Harry Potter...I started crying! Earlier in the day I cried watching a "it gets better" video on YouTube. I'm a mess....but there's no shame. I don't feel bad or stupid (maybe a little), I just feel free.
Free to cry to feel the things that are on my mind and in my heart. Feel to express this part of me that wasn't demonstrated by the people around me. To me, crying is freedom! So maybe I should just stop questioning and let the tears follow!
Until Next
I'm happy, I'm taking care of my family, I'm loving my friends, I'm trying to be still and listen to the Lord...yet I'm crying. Maybe in this stage of life I'm in I am just more open to tears, to the emotions behind them, which aren't always bad. Sometimes you have to cry just to let things out...
I've been thinking it's hormones, but it's not...I'm crying when I'm not on my period (or close to it)...in fact, the tears come for any and everything...the last time I cried was yesterday and it was because I was watching a documentary on JK Rowling and she was talking about the end of Harry Potter...I started crying! Earlier in the day I cried watching a "it gets better" video on YouTube. I'm a mess....but there's no shame. I don't feel bad or stupid (maybe a little), I just feel free.
Free to cry to feel the things that are on my mind and in my heart. Feel to express this part of me that wasn't demonstrated by the people around me. To me, crying is freedom! So maybe I should just stop questioning and let the tears follow!
Until Next
Thursday, May 05, 2011
The Royal Wedding!
There are people who don't get it and people who do. For me, I'm a girl her believed the fairly tales I watched. I wanted (want) the handsome prince to swept me off my feet and into a castle. But as a woman, I want a man to be my prince and swept me off my feet and into life as his wife. I love a wedding...doesn't matter who's it is...I love it! So for me, I got up to see it...because for a couple of hours I got to see the dream, the fantasy in action.
And it was perfect...
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
The Most Ridiculous Thing
Our government needs some type of intervention and counseling. In fact, I think we need to send them all to anger management and rehab. No seriously! The Republicans are so mad at the Democrats that they want to shut the government down. Do you have any idea what that means? Well here's one aspect....money!
It's tax time and even if the government shuts down today we are still required to have our tax forms turned in on time. However, the IRS won't be opening, so they won't be sending out any refunds. Also, all of our soldiers...those at home and in the field won't be paid. What? We send them out to fight a war for oil and then we won't pay them? I'm sorry folks but all those government employees will get sent home...but not paid. We are in a financial crisis and the solution is to stop the flow of money? So, most people can't pay their bills already, what happens when the few who can can't?
Our government hates each other, it's like a bad soap opera, mixed with a Springer Episode, (I'm waiting for someone to start throwing food). So, why do they hate each other? I'd like to say it has nothing to do with the guy who lives in the big white house who isn't white. But it does...the truth is this, in the mid-term elections a bunch of Tea (Baggers) Party candidates where elected. This is a group that is racist and has only picked up steam because we happen to have a brown president. These freshman representatives and senators got into office and lost their flippin minds! They don't want to work things out they just want their way....like two year olds and they're throwing the ultimate tantrum! So like any kid, they're going to cause so much commotion that the whole government has to STOP! Hello, people is anyone watching? Is anyone really seeing what is happening in DC? Does anyone care?
I like to consider myself a patriot, I like to consider myself a supporter of our government, our troops and our leaders. But the fact that the Republicans are doing this and the Democrats are allowing it is really upsetting and makes me think that this can't get any worse...but once I start to think that, something else more horrible happens.
Hey government....look around you. Stop and look around you...lets bring our troops home, let's fix the damn oil leak in the gulf, let's prepare for the 9 hurricanes on the east coast...let's rebuild New Orleans....let's prepare the west coast for the giant earthquake that we know will hit and let's fix our crumbling infrastructure so that if our kids want to drive cross country there'll be roads and bridges for them to drive on. Let's fix the economy, let's really reform health care, let's kick out the lobbyists and let's buckle down and get ourselves out of debt.
Hey regular ordinary citizens...let's vote for our leaders with our hearts, guts and BRAINS...not with the fear that some leaders are spewing. And let's hold the leaders we have to standards higher than, thank goodness he/she hasn't been in a sex scandal yet!
If we don't stop and see what's happening, this thing will only get worse and then I'll have to start campaign for Kelli D to be president!
It's tax time and even if the government shuts down today we are still required to have our tax forms turned in on time. However, the IRS won't be opening, so they won't be sending out any refunds. Also, all of our soldiers...those at home and in the field won't be paid. What? We send them out to fight a war for oil and then we won't pay them? I'm sorry folks but all those government employees will get sent home...but not paid. We are in a financial crisis and the solution is to stop the flow of money? So, most people can't pay their bills already, what happens when the few who can can't?
Our government hates each other, it's like a bad soap opera, mixed with a Springer Episode, (I'm waiting for someone to start throwing food). So, why do they hate each other? I'd like to say it has nothing to do with the guy who lives in the big white house who isn't white. But it does...the truth is this, in the mid-term elections a bunch of Tea (Baggers) Party candidates where elected. This is a group that is racist and has only picked up steam because we happen to have a brown president. These freshman representatives and senators got into office and lost their flippin minds! They don't want to work things out they just want their way....like two year olds and they're throwing the ultimate tantrum! So like any kid, they're going to cause so much commotion that the whole government has to STOP! Hello, people is anyone watching? Is anyone really seeing what is happening in DC? Does anyone care?
I like to consider myself a patriot, I like to consider myself a supporter of our government, our troops and our leaders. But the fact that the Republicans are doing this and the Democrats are allowing it is really upsetting and makes me think that this can't get any worse...but once I start to think that, something else more horrible happens.
Hey government....look around you. Stop and look around you...lets bring our troops home, let's fix the damn oil leak in the gulf, let's prepare for the 9 hurricanes on the east coast...let's rebuild New Orleans....let's prepare the west coast for the giant earthquake that we know will hit and let's fix our crumbling infrastructure so that if our kids want to drive cross country there'll be roads and bridges for them to drive on. Let's fix the economy, let's really reform health care, let's kick out the lobbyists and let's buckle down and get ourselves out of debt.
Hey regular ordinary citizens...let's vote for our leaders with our hearts, guts and BRAINS...not with the fear that some leaders are spewing. And let's hold the leaders we have to standards higher than, thank goodness he/she hasn't been in a sex scandal yet!
If we don't stop and see what's happening, this thing will only get worse and then I'll have to start campaign for Kelli D to be president!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Why...How?
I started to write this blog about image and self esteem. About halfway through I started to cry and realized that this topic which is very personal cannot be told in a simple manner. It' something I have to sit and think about. Something I have to get my head and heart around before I can write it. I'm sure at some point I'll be willing enough to revisit those wounds. To rip them wide open, so to say, and expose them to world. I'm just not that ready yet.
But I do have a question...when you look at yourself to do you see Beauty or Beast?
In my heart I don't believe God makes ugly. Everything is beauty, EVERYTHING....WHICH MEANS YOU
But I do have a question...when you look at yourself to do you see Beauty or Beast?
In my heart I don't believe God makes ugly. Everything is beauty, EVERYTHING....WHICH MEANS YOU
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
A Broken Heart Being Healed
This time last year, I was contemplating stepping away from a friendship 10 years in the making. My best friend and I had been through many many good times and bad. We had each other the way no one else did. But I in my own desperation for self searching took a step away from her. Before I knew it, she was gone. Like moved to another state and I was left here, alone and lonely and it was of my own making.
I didn't realize how much she meant until she was gone, but after time I realized what I was missing. I realized it and was too scared and proud to take the steps to ask her back into my life. But I did, last week...after a dream. I emailed her and told her that I was ready to be her friend again. That I was past the point of selfishness, that I had learned things about myself and that I was hoping she wanted me back too. She did...as excited as I was the day I got an email in return, I was even more excited when today she told me some news that I wasn't expecting. She's coming back. Not only back into my life, but back into my state and moreover, my town.
This time last week, I was just praying that she'd accept my apology and that maybe in time I'd get to see her again. Spend time with her, I was off into some distant future and now that future isn't so distant. Last week, I was trying to keep my heart from totally breaking and now I'm trying to keep it from jumping out of my chest in excitement!
I've been saying that God has a plan for me, that His timing is perfect and even though I don't know what His plan is or when I'll see the results, I do know that it's in place. This one little act and the way it fell together is just an example that shows that God's plan is in full effect. When He made it clear to me that I needed to do certain things, I questioned, wondered and postponed. But in the end I did it, not knowing the outcome...I needed to know how much she means to me. I needed to see my world and myself without her in it, so that I can appreciate her, the way a friend of her caliber deserves to be appreciated.
She's my Best Friend and I've realized now that I've been drowning without. Not only is she back in my life, saving me again...but soon I'll be able to hug her, cry with her and tell her to her face how much I truly love and appreciate her.
I can't wait!
I didn't realize how much she meant until she was gone, but after time I realized what I was missing. I realized it and was too scared and proud to take the steps to ask her back into my life. But I did, last week...after a dream. I emailed her and told her that I was ready to be her friend again. That I was past the point of selfishness, that I had learned things about myself and that I was hoping she wanted me back too. She did...as excited as I was the day I got an email in return, I was even more excited when today she told me some news that I wasn't expecting. She's coming back. Not only back into my life, but back into my state and moreover, my town.
This time last week, I was just praying that she'd accept my apology and that maybe in time I'd get to see her again. Spend time with her, I was off into some distant future and now that future isn't so distant. Last week, I was trying to keep my heart from totally breaking and now I'm trying to keep it from jumping out of my chest in excitement!
I've been saying that God has a plan for me, that His timing is perfect and even though I don't know what His plan is or when I'll see the results, I do know that it's in place. This one little act and the way it fell together is just an example that shows that God's plan is in full effect. When He made it clear to me that I needed to do certain things, I questioned, wondered and postponed. But in the end I did it, not knowing the outcome...I needed to know how much she means to me. I needed to see my world and myself without her in it, so that I can appreciate her, the way a friend of her caliber deserves to be appreciated.
She's my Best Friend and I've realized now that I've been drowning without. Not only is she back in my life, saving me again...but soon I'll be able to hug her, cry with her and tell her to her face how much I truly love and appreciate her.
I can't wait!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Bill Maher
I love Bill Maher, he makes a lot of sense! And even though I don't always agree with him, I do have to say that most of the time he is completely on point. So as I was listening to his show last Friday night I heard him say that we don't have any privacy anymore, not when we put everything about ourselves out there for the world to see. Yes, it's true...personally I have two blogs, a twitter account and a Facebook page. I try not to put too much stuff online...for example, I don't talk about my feminine issues or cycles, because I don't feel it's appropriate or necessary for the world to know about it. Although there are some women who do.
Any who, this statement (although I've heard variations of it before) made me think. Am I putting to much information about myself on the World Wide Web? I have this blog, which I've called my diary and I have a prayer blog. I knew when I started that this place, my place, would be just that. And if people read it then great...but it was for me. When I started my prayer blog, it was to stop writing only about the angry and to start writing out my willingness to ask God for help. I can honestly say I started the prayer blog to be a shared experience. There's power in prayer, and if people can see that someone in the world is going through the same thing as them maybe they can find hope in that.
I talk about all kinds of crap on twitter and I use fb to connect to friends I don't get to see all the time. So, I don't know if I'm sharing too much. What I do know is that once I put something on the net it won't go away and it may at some point come back to haunt me. But if I'm honest with what I put out there, if it's what I'm feeling at that time, no matter how harsh or politically incorrect then I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of it. Because it's my truth.
Thanks Bill for making me think and for reaffirming my feelings.
Any who, this statement (although I've heard variations of it before) made me think. Am I putting to much information about myself on the World Wide Web? I have this blog, which I've called my diary and I have a prayer blog. I knew when I started that this place, my place, would be just that. And if people read it then great...but it was for me. When I started my prayer blog, it was to stop writing only about the angry and to start writing out my willingness to ask God for help. I can honestly say I started the prayer blog to be a shared experience. There's power in prayer, and if people can see that someone in the world is going through the same thing as them maybe they can find hope in that.
I talk about all kinds of crap on twitter and I use fb to connect to friends I don't get to see all the time. So, I don't know if I'm sharing too much. What I do know is that once I put something on the net it won't go away and it may at some point come back to haunt me. But if I'm honest with what I put out there, if it's what I'm feeling at that time, no matter how harsh or politically incorrect then I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of it. Because it's my truth.
Thanks Bill for making me think and for reaffirming my feelings.
Understanding
Sometimes we just have to own up to what we've done. Apologize for it and move ahead. It won't always work out for us, but sometimes...if there's enough love, respect and appreciation it will.
I walked away from perhaps the most special relationship I had last year and in doing so I made a decision that changed me...but after realizing that I really do need this person in my life I tried my best to rekindle it...I didn't know what to think...but I hoped that the person on the receiving end would feel the way I was feeling.
Turns out, I was right...and my friendship is back. To be rebuilt, it will take time but we have the rest of our lives to build it back to where it was before.
I missed my best friend, and now she's back in my life. I was the one who pushed her away, but forgiveness is powerful and love is sweet.
I walked away from perhaps the most special relationship I had last year and in doing so I made a decision that changed me...but after realizing that I really do need this person in my life I tried my best to rekindle it...I didn't know what to think...but I hoped that the person on the receiving end would feel the way I was feeling.
Turns out, I was right...and my friendship is back. To be rebuilt, it will take time but we have the rest of our lives to build it back to where it was before.
I missed my best friend, and now she's back in my life. I was the one who pushed her away, but forgiveness is powerful and love is sweet.
The Royal Wedding
I'm a girl who grew up watching Princess Movies...my favorite princess to this day is Aurora aka Sleeping Beauty. When the movie the "Princess Diaries" came out in 2001, my mom bought the VHS for me (I was 22). I remember watching the Wedding of Charles and Diana...they married in 81, I was 2. I'm saying all this to set up the fact that I'm one of those girls who hoped (and lets face it still does) that a handsome prince would look my way, sweep me off to his castle and place a tiara on my head. I don't even need to be queen, just a princess in fancy dresses and pretty crowns.
So the fact that there is a royal wedding coming...not only that but the wedding of a prince to a common girl makes me happy. I can't wait to get up at 2:30 in the morning and watch this wedding. Watch this girl become a princess. Am I too excited...I don't think so. It's a wedding and a fairy tale wrapped up into one! It's a lovely story and I'm all for it. Some people won't get it, some will. I already know which one of my FB friends will be tuning in and I fully plan on tweeting and booking throughout...
As I learn (I admit obsessively) about these two folks, I've found that no matter how "Crazed" other people around me may think I am about this wedding I'm not THAT crazy. A woman in Mexico was on a hunger strike until she got an invitation to the wedding (not sure if she's still striking) there are mobile phone covers, and I just found a full on refrigerator cover that feature the love birds...okay, I'll look at pictures of them on the Internet but I'm not putting them on my phone or refrigerator, and I'm definitely not giving up food for an invite. Not when I can watch it on television with popcorn and m&m's.
This, as far as I look at it, is hope...there's always hope in love. There's always hope in two people coming together to pledge themselves to each other forever. There's always hope in the future when people are willing to take a step to become a united front, no matter what other's think. It wouldn't matter to me if this was just a regular wedding....the fact that it's a ROYAL WEDDING is just a bonus!
So if you want to know where I'll be on the morning of April 29, 2011...it's in front of my TV watching BBC American and wishing well to these two Love Birds as their journey in marriage begins.
Where will you be?
So the fact that there is a royal wedding coming...not only that but the wedding of a prince to a common girl makes me happy. I can't wait to get up at 2:30 in the morning and watch this wedding. Watch this girl become a princess. Am I too excited...I don't think so. It's a wedding and a fairy tale wrapped up into one! It's a lovely story and I'm all for it. Some people won't get it, some will. I already know which one of my FB friends will be tuning in and I fully plan on tweeting and booking throughout...
As I learn (I admit obsessively) about these two folks, I've found that no matter how "Crazed" other people around me may think I am about this wedding I'm not THAT crazy. A woman in Mexico was on a hunger strike until she got an invitation to the wedding (not sure if she's still striking) there are mobile phone covers, and I just found a full on refrigerator cover that feature the love birds...okay, I'll look at pictures of them on the Internet but I'm not putting them on my phone or refrigerator, and I'm definitely not giving up food for an invite. Not when I can watch it on television with popcorn and m&m's.
This, as far as I look at it, is hope...there's always hope in love. There's always hope in two people coming together to pledge themselves to each other forever. There's always hope in the future when people are willing to take a step to become a united front, no matter what other's think. It wouldn't matter to me if this was just a regular wedding....the fact that it's a ROYAL WEDDING is just a bonus!
So if you want to know where I'll be on the morning of April 29, 2011...it's in front of my TV watching BBC American and wishing well to these two Love Birds as their journey in marriage begins.
Where will you be?
Elizabeth Taylor...
died this morning and with her history and a large piece of glamour.
She was an inspiration, not just because of her talent and beauty, but also because of her heart and love for those who needed a friend when no one else would come anywhere near them.
She gave to the world until her last breathe and with it, I hope she found peace and love in return.
Ms. Elizabeth, you will be missed, always loved and forever remembered.
She was an inspiration, not just because of her talent and beauty, but also because of her heart and love for those who needed a friend when no one else would come anywhere near them.
She gave to the world until her last breathe and with it, I hope she found peace and love in return.
Ms. Elizabeth, you will be missed, always loved and forever remembered.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Searching, searching, searching for myself
finding only the things I don't like when I look in the mirror
hoping that one day I'll find beauty in myself.
But believing that there is no beauty to be found.
Moving forward in life clinging to the past
afraid to make those mistakes again,
or to allow it to happen to me again.
Loving the world but not enough to emerse myself in it
wondering everyday why people give any time to me
when I'm not sure I'd give that time to myself.
finding only the things I don't like when I look in the mirror
hoping that one day I'll find beauty in myself.
But believing that there is no beauty to be found.
Moving forward in life clinging to the past
afraid to make those mistakes again,
or to allow it to happen to me again.
Loving the world but not enough to emerse myself in it
wondering everyday why people give any time to me
when I'm not sure I'd give that time to myself.
Friday, March 11, 2011
The World is Falling Apart
I'm a Christian and as such when I see things happen in the world around me I have some automatic reactions. I generally pray for the situation, asking God to comfort, calm and protect. But then I wonder, what's really behind it.
I believe that God has the world in His hand and that he allows things to happen based on the choices we make. I also believe that some/most, if not all of these happenings are the growing pains talked about in the Book of Revelations. Because I believe that, I know that these things are only going to get worse.
Yesterday afternoon in Japan, there was a devastating earthquake, followed by a Tsunami that brought the island to it's knees. Thousands are dead and missing, with the count only growing. Millions waited with baited breath to see if the waves would affect others in the Pacific Ocean, but it seems that they were spared. I don't try to understand God (I have in the past and it doesn't get me anywhere, so I stopped). I do know that He allowed these things for a reason. To me, the reasons are clear, because we are coming close to the end of the world as we know it. Bleak days are coming...
This planet has always been plagued with earthquakes. In fact, there are thousands everyday in Southern California. Scientists believe that there was once one giant land mass that over time ripped and pulled apart due to earthquakes. Now, we are starting to see that these quakes are harder and fiercer. So are our storms, our Winter's cold and Summer's heat. Are all these things coincidence? I don't think so...it's science, it's logic. Our world, changed...we changed it.
We've polluted our skies, oceans, lakes and lands and nature has suffered. We've lost animals, we've lost people and we've lost the ability to go get clean water from anywhere. Why? for industry for progression. Hey, I'm not complaining. I have a car, cellphone, computer. I like electricity, gas, oil, hairspray, nail polish and all those other things that over time show themselves in the nature around us. I'm not complaining, but I'm logical enough to see that nature is fighting back because we've pushed it up against the wall.
I did start, this off by saying I'm a Christian, then I veered off into the science territory...that's because I think that they go hand in hand. Many (if not most) people on both sides feel like the bible is total literal. Well, Jesus spoke in story and allegory. David and Solomon spoke in song and poem. The prophets spoke of visions and sights. And though I believe the bible, I believe in the stories, I can understand that somethings aren't as literal as people take them.
We made a choice to pollute the world and the world is reacting. That's what nature does. We choose to make sex a tradeable, selfish, disgusting act (when it was meant to be meaningful, wonderful and special)...and well, nature fought back. Things mix STD's come about and now people can't even trust their spouses enough to not use a condom in the marriage bed. We've done this, God has ALLOWED it, to teach us a lesson. Instead of understanding that people are asking why God He let this happen, we have to ask our selves why WE let this happen?
I believe that God has the world in His hand and that he allows things to happen based on the choices we make. I also believe that some/most, if not all of these happenings are the growing pains talked about in the Book of Revelations. Because I believe that, I know that these things are only going to get worse.
Yesterday afternoon in Japan, there was a devastating earthquake, followed by a Tsunami that brought the island to it's knees. Thousands are dead and missing, with the count only growing. Millions waited with baited breath to see if the waves would affect others in the Pacific Ocean, but it seems that they were spared. I don't try to understand God (I have in the past and it doesn't get me anywhere, so I stopped). I do know that He allowed these things for a reason. To me, the reasons are clear, because we are coming close to the end of the world as we know it. Bleak days are coming...
This planet has always been plagued with earthquakes. In fact, there are thousands everyday in Southern California. Scientists believe that there was once one giant land mass that over time ripped and pulled apart due to earthquakes. Now, we are starting to see that these quakes are harder and fiercer. So are our storms, our Winter's cold and Summer's heat. Are all these things coincidence? I don't think so...it's science, it's logic. Our world, changed...we changed it.
We've polluted our skies, oceans, lakes and lands and nature has suffered. We've lost animals, we've lost people and we've lost the ability to go get clean water from anywhere. Why? for industry for progression. Hey, I'm not complaining. I have a car, cellphone, computer. I like electricity, gas, oil, hairspray, nail polish and all those other things that over time show themselves in the nature around us. I'm not complaining, but I'm logical enough to see that nature is fighting back because we've pushed it up against the wall.
I did start, this off by saying I'm a Christian, then I veered off into the science territory...that's because I think that they go hand in hand. Many (if not most) people on both sides feel like the bible is total literal. Well, Jesus spoke in story and allegory. David and Solomon spoke in song and poem. The prophets spoke of visions and sights. And though I believe the bible, I believe in the stories, I can understand that somethings aren't as literal as people take them.
We made a choice to pollute the world and the world is reacting. That's what nature does. We choose to make sex a tradeable, selfish, disgusting act (when it was meant to be meaningful, wonderful and special)...and well, nature fought back. Things mix STD's come about and now people can't even trust their spouses enough to not use a condom in the marriage bed. We've done this, God has ALLOWED it, to teach us a lesson. Instead of understanding that people are asking why God He let this happen, we have to ask our selves why WE let this happen?
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