Alone Time

 I've always been a sort of shy social butterfly. I love people (most of the time) but I am also afraid of them. I have trust issues and I never know  how to navigate until I've been around someone enough. I usually start off quiet, which I've been told comes off in a bad way, but it's so I can find the dynamic of the situation I'm walking into, but why am I giving up so much of myself to fit into someone else's group? When I was younger I always thought that I needed to be with people, that if I wanted to go to a movie or a restaurant I needed to be with someone to talk to or to share the experience with. Then I went to a movie alone....then a restaurant...then slowly but surely I realized that sometimes, I'd just rather be by myself.
  Don't get me wrong, it's nice to go out with friends, but if you're friends are busy or married (like ALL of mine) then you have to do things on your own or end up staying at home all the time. You have to learn to like/love yourself enough to be secure in yourself. You have to learn to like yourself enough to be in your own head and not be afraid of it. Some people won't understand that, but others will.
  It takes time to get to this state...for me, it took time and an unsatisfying life as I knew it (it also took crappy birthdays). I realized that I can't sit around and wait for someone, I also realized that my relationships can't be true if I'm not sure what true is. How can I give an opinion when I don't even know the different between my heart and my head. For me it took years, still for others it may take longer. In the end I know this I love my alone time...so much so that when I don't get it I feel like I'm going a little crazy.
 Alone time can be relaxing to the soul, it's time when you can just be...no expectations, no rules, no rushing...just you. That may scare you, but it's a good scare.