Seasons...today

   This morning, one of my first thoughts as I set out on my morning train ride was the word SEASONS. Dropped into my brain like a fleeting little ladybug, it came and went before I could even really form a thought about it. Am I in a season (yes, duh)? At the beginning or end....or right smack in the middle? I'm not really sure, anything could be around the corner or off in the distance...it's not for me to know really. My train ride progressed as normal and I came into my office...listening to music something triggered another song in my head. "Seasons Change" By Crystal Lewis, I hummed it as I went to the Hillsong Connected Website only to stumble upon a blog that was talking about...you guess it...Seasons! Is God trying to tell me something or am I just grasping at straws?

   I'm starting to settle, I've felt stressed, defeated and stagnant in the last few months...but now I'm starting to feel like I'm settling into a place. Not fully comfortable, but acceptable. There are still things I want, still things that are being juggled and completely out of my control, but so much of life is...the only difference is I'm staring at these things while the balls are bouncing in the air waiting, with bated breath, to see if one will fall. I know God's in control and I know that this season...that feels never ending...will change. Sooner or later I'll be staring at something else trying to make decisions, satisfy curiosities and trying to keep my feet firm. That's how seasons are...to quote the song

    "Seasons change and then they pass,
      no way to know how long they'll last
      I'd love to know the reason why, but
      God Knows...Seasons Change"

   Yes, it's that simple...God knows and so, I don't need to worry. But I am curious, why today of all days am I being queued into the Season I'm in now? To enjoy it? To seek the new season or to rest in the knowledge that this one isn't over yet? Whatever the answer, my eyes, ears and heart are open now and I'm waiting intently to see what God is up to. I have HIGH HOPES...some of which I feel I'll have to wait longer for...but whatever and whenever that season comes I hope to be ready. And whatever or whenever the next season stumbles upon me I hope that I'm ready for it too.

   It may be harder, it may be lighter...but it's mine and whatever it brings I know that God will be in it with me...cause He knows...Seasons Change!

   Have a Wonderful Weekend!
   Until Next Time.
   ~m

   August 19, 2013...that's the date.

   Since the beginning of this year I have gone on a roller coast journey of emotions. I've gone through every emotion you can think of and some you probably wouldn't. I've felt so many things in such a short time frame that even thinking of them now is leaving me feeling dizzy. For the most part, at the beginning of the year, I was happy and content. I was glad and joyful. Above all I was seeking and wanting. I was ready...or so I thought. Then the disappointments of life started to seep in and rattle me...over and over . The more I encountered disappointment the deeper they cut, until in May I received a double blow and the deepest cuts. I thought I'd recovered...I know now that my actions, and my writings show something completely different. I didn't recover at all, I just put an awful and unuseful band aid over it. Now, I am at a crossroads. I can continue down the path I've been on and not wholly recover (staying lost in my own mind and sadness) or I can move forward, truly overcome this negative state of mind and emotion and get back to the joyful gladness I once had.
 
   I few posts ago I said I was no longer happy with just being content. That hasn't changed...what has is that I can't move on from content to happiness when I'm no longer content in my life. I'm not unhappy, but I'm not happy. I'm not feeling satisfied, I'm feeling disappointed and gloomy. So, even I know I don't want to be content...I know that I have to get back there in order to move on to something more. How am I going to find my way to happiness? Back through content to happy, joyfulness...

   I'm going to start living! Enjoying my new hometown, explore it and journey through it. I'm not giving my roommate any extra attention or reign over my life. There's no reason for me to not feel free in my own home. And lastly, I need to shift my focus back on the things I wanted to accomplish. I need to starting truly thinking about those wants and desires again and figure out a way to make them happen. That's my plan and I'm excited about it. 
 
   Until Next Time!
   ~m

Bright Ligther Look

So I decided to change the look of my blog.
I've wanted to do it for a while, but couldn't pick anything.
I decided to just pick the one I really like, no matter if it was my "style" or not.
This is what I landed on...and I like it!
Hopefully you will too...

I wanted the change because the blog was too dark,
it represented me when I first changed it to the black, pink and green a few years back
when I was trying to be sort of emo
but I'm in a different place and I want to be lighter and freer...so I picked this.

I feel good about it, like it's the start of good things to come!

Until Next Time!

~m