On my mind

   I don't want someone else's happiest, I want my own.
  
   I feel inadequate and unloveable
  
   I'm the only person who can change my opinion of myself...why haven't I?
  
   It's always easier to expect disappointment because that's what I know.
  
   My fear of rejection makes me afraid to live the life I want.
  
   I don't need you to push me, I don't need you to decide what you think is right for me. I can figure those things out for myself.
  
   I focus on the negative...because the positive is foreign to me.

Don't know Why...

    I've started watching the Duggars on 19 Kids and Counting again...I'm not sure why, but I like that show. I don't agree with 90 percent of the things they represent and I get very frustrated about the way they push certain gender roles on their children...but I like the show and for the most part I end an episode shaking my head, but with a smile on my face.

    It's always interesting to see other people perspectives and life styles, especially one so very different from my own. I enjoy it and at least it's a positive reality show for a change.

    That's all for now!


     ~m

I think he's hitting on me, but that can't be right...

  A couple months ago I puzzled several peeps on fb by telling them that I thought a gay guy was hitting on me. There is are reasons for this and the comment came after months of comments on his part...finally I sat down and thought about it (since I wouldn't know if I guy was hitting on me even if he literally hit me) and came to the conclusion that yes, indeed, he was hitting on me. Which I found gross, uncomfortable and very confusing.

  So here's why I came to such a conclusion...first off within the first month of meeting him he told me that my breasts were amazing...I laughed it off and took it as a compliment, but ever since he feels the need to make some type of comment about them...so far as to once make the squeezing motion with his hands (I just walked away from him because I didn't know what else to do, I felt very violated). I've been told that my breasts are amazing before by gay guys cause they are oddly fascinates by boobs (but that's another story), so I didn't find that odd...but he's continued gawking and comments are a bit much.
  Next up, one day he ran his hand down my arm (he's a toucher. He touches everyone and anyone who comes within inches of him so at first this didn't bug me) he commented how soft my skin is and now every time I am wearing a sleeveless shirt he runs his hand down my arm and makes a shiver motion (yes, I'm about at wits end with that one).
  Finally, he started to talk about smoking weed...which is something I don't do, have never done and will never do. He said the side effects for him are that he becomes very horny (which was already too much info) then he went on to say if I was ever around him when he was getting high that I'd need to watch out cause he wouldn't be able to control himself. To which I promptly said "that'll never happen" then walked away.

  Those are my reasons for feeling the way I do and also for not wanting to deal with him any longer. It's very odd and even more unnerving and I'm quite frankly fed up and not really able to told my tongue on it anymore. So I'm just waiting for him to do or say something like that to me again so that I can put him in his place!

  Yes, I'm the girl who, oddly, has a gay guy hitting on her when the straight guy won't even look her way! smh, fml

  Until Next Time!

  ~m

Randomness

I do most of my critical thinking while driving or taking a shower...weird, I know...but those are the places where I come up with all of these things I write about.