Outlook

This statement, which is clearly something I struggle to achieve, is part of a series of "cosmic prompts" I've been receiving lately. All the prompts have been in the forms of quotes or other people's writings (which I guess are the same are quotes, duh), but they've all centered around being happy, being thankful and letting the past not dictate the future. As much as I've enjoyed these little ditties I've also had a hard time actually coming to grips with them. The question is always the same...why won't I allow myself to be happy? Just happy in the circumstances I'm in. My life isn't perfect or pretty, but it could be a lot worse.

So why is it that I choose to live in this hole that I'm consistently digging deeper? I'm not sure, I guess I could use the mindset my father uses...that the whole wide world is against me. But the whole wide world doesn't know I exist, so why would it make the effort. I could also make the argument that God's against me, but I don't believe that. I am, however, still struggling with whether or not He actually cares about what I'm feeling (that's the truth, seriously it's a true deep struggle I'm trying to work through because in all honesty it doesn't feel like He gives two cents about how I'm feeling). I could also, make the argument that life is unfair and therefore my life...in it's entirety, is a result of that...but still through abuse (in many forms), emotional scars and loneliness I am in a better place than a lot of others. So, why don't I chose to be happy?

I guess, and this is just me thinking off the cuff, it's because I'm too focused on what I don't have instead of being focused on what I do have, the good things in life. There are alot of things I want (and have waited for), but for whatever reasons I haven't gotten them yet. So my struggles kind of center around those. Still, in placing my thoughts on the things I don't have I'm missing the happiness that's around me, I'm missing the life that's flowing past me. I'm missing out period!

So, I'm going to try my best to be happy...I'm choosing it everyday...it'll be a struggle, but I think it'll be worth it. At least I hope it will be...

 

Until Next Time

~m

Quotes

If One is Out of  touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others.

                                                                             ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh


Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well.

                                                                             ~David Nichols


BE YOURSELF: No One can ever tell you you're doing it wrong.

                                                                             ~James Leo Herlihy


Now it is a funny thing about life, if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.

                                                                             ~W. Somerset Maugham


The Longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.

                                                                             ~Voltaire

Be a FIRST rate version of yourself, insteaf of a second rate version of somebody else.

                                                                             ~Judy Garland

When nothing is sure EVERYTHING is possible.

                                                                             ~Margaret Drabble

New Shows...reviews and stuff.

 Hi All,

 

   I don't think I've done one of these in a while, but there are so many new shows I'm watching I thought I should just comment on them. I won't go too in depth on the shows, but just give my commentary and thoughts. It'll be quick (I think)...

   REIGN:

The story of Mary, Queen of Scots' time as a teenager in the French Court about to marry the Dauphin. This show is not historically accurate, if that's what your looking for then don't watch this. It is however, intriguing, fun and full of pretty people in pretty clothes. It's a teenage soap opera...would do you expect. It also happens to be my latest obsession!

 Sleeping Hollow:

This is a fun show...very supernatural, very historical (and I think they're trying to be as accurate as possible, but without shoving it down your throat). Although it's already on Hiatus, I cannot wait for next season! Ichabod was brought back to life in the present day to destory the recently awoken horseman (who just happens to be the Angel, or Demon of Death...the first horseman of the apocalypse). Ichabod also discovers that his wife's a witch trapped in a parallel deminsion and in order to set things right and get her back he has to destory the "Head" demon out to bring about the apocalyse. He's also teamed up with an Female Lt. (Sheriff's deputy) who's trying her best to get him aclimated to the present. It's fun and keeps you on the edge of your seat...it'll also have you jumping out of your seat and running to turn the lights back on.

Almost Human:

All I have to say is JJ Abrams...but then there's also Karl Urban. Too men I love, whose work I'll watch. I didn't know about this one, but it's a Bad Robot production so I had to give it a try. I'm enjoying it so much! It's funny...a buddy cop show with a twist. Set in the near future, where technology has grown and is running a muck. This show gives us a glimpse of the possiblities we are only starting to experience in everyday life...the good and the bad of it. Again, it's funny and interesting.

 

 

 

Sherlock:

This one isn't new, but after a 2 year break it might as well be. We finally found out how Sherlock faked his death (not really). Mary Watson is introduced, we met a new villian and see the old gang again. Sherlock, of course, has some great moments. Watson kicks Sherlock's butt and Mycroft is a whiner! Also, we meet Mr. and Mrs. Holmes aka Mikey and Sherley's parents. At only 3 episodes a season it was over before it really started and again left us with a great cliffhanger. I cannot wait til season 4. Side note: Mary Watson is played by Dr. Watson (Martin Freeman)'s real life partner and Sherlock's parents are played by Sherlock(Benedict Cumberbatch)'s parents.

 

 

Betrayal:

This show (also on hiatus) was the one I was most excited about. From all the previews this show was going to be great, but the previews were the only thing great about it. It had so much potential, but just failed to keep me interested. When I finally finished up the season(thanks to my DVR and on Demand) I felt somewhat happy with the way it ended...I mean it was wrapped up nicely (for what it was). They ended up with a tease, but I'd be really surprised if ABC gives it a second season.

 

 

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.:

Last, but not least is this gem. Another by a man I'd walk through fire for (well, not really but I'm deeply devoted to his work) Joss Whedon. It's a Marvel show, that hints at Marvel characters and is set in the Marvel universe, but it's its own enitity. I'm enjoying the ride...so far it's been fun and interesting. Also enjoyable are the name drops (of Marvel characters or gags) and the surprise cameos...my favorite so far is Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) yelling at Coulsen for damage done to the "Bus" (airplane). Oh...and yeah COULSEN! He's alive, but because the Avengers don't know it he (and the show) are staying separate...for now.

 

 

So that's it...the new shows I've been watching this season. I'm enjoying them all and hope to continue to enjoy them into the future.

 

Until Next Time!

~m

 



The Truly Great By Stephen Spender

405 Freeway of Life

  If you're reading this and not from So Cal I need to explain the 405 freeway to you. Think of a parking lot, one that you have to park in on a semi-regular basis...but no matter what time you pull in, be it 6am or 10pm it's always full...and not only full, but there are lines of cars waiting to get a space (kinda like a mall parking lot during Christmas time). Got that picture in your head? Well that, my friends, is the 405 fwy. On a good day I've been able to spend a short time on the 405 trying to get to my destination, on a bad day I've spent hours (literally) trying to get 5 to 10 miles (and there's no point in getting off to take the streets). I'm talking about the 405 because I realized that it's the perfect description for my journey in life right now.
   In yesterday's message Pastor Jude said that God likes the scenic route. We need to understand that God's not going to get us to the goal quickly, he's going to take his sweet time...stop to smell the roses and look at the trees and he won't let us get off this "fwy" to take a faster "street" path. It, of course, made total sense to me because it's exactly where God and I are. I'm stuck in the center lane of the 405 not moving, begging him to make the traffic go and he's taking pictures of the clouds and buildings...playing with the radio and instagraming, tweeting and facebooking...not giving my whining a lick of attention.
   I've been stuck in this "traffic" for about a year now...with nothing moving the way I thought it would and every question I pose being seemingly ignored. My patience is gone...I want answers, I want to move, I want to see what's next (or if anything is next) for me. I want to know...something, anything. I don't even think it's a quick thing...nope...because of the things I've been asking God about, one in particular I've been seeking an answer for all of my adult life. 14 years is a long time in traffic. Right now, in my spiritual life I'm not going anywhere, I'm just sitting in traffic with only terrible music to listen to.
   Yesterday's sermon reminded me that I still need to muster some patience and wait because He's not going to move me until He sees fit, which I knew. The sad thing is I'm starting to feel like that day will never actually come and that I'll be sitting in a car in the middle of the 405 listening to Justin Bieber for the rest of my life. And by golly that's not a life I want to live...unfortunately, I think that's the one God wants for me...

   Until Next Time.
   ~m

Coming Home

  I've always felt like there's a comfort in coming home. Because it's the familiar place of your youth or the place you've made a life for yourself. It's the place you choose to lay your head or spend your days. Home is simply, where the heart is.
  For the longest time I got this feeling of coming home as I came over the grade into Ventura. Now, that I live there, it's not the same. I guess because it's no longer a longing. It's now a real tangible thing and in many ways not what I expected. When I come over that same grade now I don't get that feeling. That feeling of home isn't present anymore. I don't get it at my parents home, my childhood home, either. I think (at my parents) there are a lot of reasons for that, but one would definitely have to be the deep unhappiness that is contained within those walls, not just mine, but as I've discovered everyone who lives in that house. You maybe asking why I'm writing all this, well it's because yesterday...I walked into home.
  I hadn't been to church since before Christmas. Every time I told myself I'd go I just came up with an excuse not to and of course, I was fine with it. Yesterday was my first time back in two months (and only because I went with Kristi and Rayne), it felt good to be back. Worship was great, the message was exactly what I needed to hear (even though it really wasn't what I wanted to hear) and it made my day that much better. I can only hope that my week is good as a result of my mind and soul being in a better place after the service.
  From the first time I walked into that church it's felt like home but because of my stubbornness I left it in search of something else...something more? There's a movie I love called "Center Stage" it's about ballet dancers...when one of them loses her way her teacher tells her (this is my interpretation) that she has to go "back to the bar" to find whatever she's looking for. Okay, not the bar where you drink, but the bar in a ballet studio. For me, that bar is home...it's go back home, to church...to God. To the place where you feel the most like yourself and the least alone and sad. I had forgotten that, but yesterday I was reminded that I don't need to do this by myself and if I start to feel like I'm slipping all I need to do is go home.

   Until Next Time,
    ~m

To find the beauty

to find the beauty, in it's simplest form
to seek the pleasure of a hard worked day.
Its in the joy of sudden laughter and shorter smiles.

to find the beauty in the sway of grass and toll of bells,
in the grace of man and the movement of beast.
there is nothing more spectacular than finding beauty in the simplest of things...
in the unexpected and the whimsical.
In the smallness of night and the glory of day.

It's Sad

You know what's sad?
When you aren't surprised anymore because you have no hope left.
That may sound weird, but if I explained the whole situation it wouldn't.

I'm not going to go into detail but I'm going to say that being surprised and then having that surprise turn to disappointment no longer seems like something that happens to me.
You see, it used to happen all the time, but I came to a conclusion in my life and since that moment...
these little surprises are just that...surprises.
There's no disappointment that follows, because I know what the outcome of my life will be...
so, you could say that biggest disappointment lies ahead of me.
In that, there's no need for the small ones to cause that feeling.

I'm sure you're more confused now then when you started reading this. So before I delve deeper into my own mind let me leave you with this.

This morning I realized I'm at the place in my life where I NEVER wanted to be...I prayed with all my heart that God would lead me in a different direction and that I wouldn't end up here...but here I stand. Prayers not answered...and in that I find my life headed to my greatest disappointment.

Until Next Time,
~m