The Obamas and The Huckstables!

There was a time in the United States when the only glimpse of a beautiful Black Family we saw on Television was the Huckstables (pictured below)! I, as a young black girl looked up to Claire, Cliff and all the kids! I saw love, family, success in life, spirituality and my skin on a screen that couldn't show me any of that in a package anywhere else.

Yesterday, I stumbled across this, the official family portrait, of our First Family (pictured above)! The first thought to pop in my head was what a beautiful black family, but now I say what a beautiful family! Does it matter that they are my skin tone...yes and no. Yes because finally young black girls and boys have someone other than the Huckstables to look up to and no because in our world of divorce, fighting and torn families, a family together in love and devotion to one another is to be praised no matter what they look like!

I am inspired by these people and proud that they are our first family!

So much to say so little time!

So my life has been slowly moving along since the last time I posted...it's been over a month and I've basically been taking it easy! There have been some changes, and I'll talk about those, but for the most part I've been gone because I'm been...chillin!


In September I decided to devote my Saturdays to college football, one team in particular, the Florida Gators! So my Saturday's have been put on hold for the next few months...basically I'm not doing anything with my weekend except for lying around in bed waiting for either the game to start or the nachos to finish (not really, the nachos thing was only last week). Since I'm not sleeping in on Saturdays I'm doing it on Sundays and before I know it it's Monday again! It's not a bad plan, just not the wisest one either, but hey I'm having fun!


I am in the middle of my first stint of Jury Duty, I have been placed on a Jury Panel and will go back on Wednesday to find out if my future lay in the courtroom or at work (basically I'll find out if I've been placed on the Jury!). I will tell you more about that this coming week, but I will say that I'm enjoying my experience and find it all very interesting!



Well, things at work have changed! I have a new boss, her name is Grace! My former boss moved out of state to pursue a new venture in her career. Grace has been here for 3 weeks and the changes I've seen and felt are so grand that I don't know if I can properly describe them! The truth is, she's great and I'm so comfortable and happy that the smile I paint on my face is actually a truthful reaction to how I'm really feeling. I'm not just putting a smile on my face and crying on the inside. That's how I used to feel! Everyday was a walk through hellfire and brimstone! I would come to work and literally as I got closer to the floors I work on, my stomach would begin to ache, I could feel my stress level rise and I just didn't know what to do about it.


I think God has been with me this whole time, I mean he bought me to this place and he never left me, even when I felt completely alone! Now, there are no stomach aches, I feel better about my co-workers (most) and about being open to give my suggestions, comments or complaints! I don't feel like I have to stifle myself to fit in, I can be me. I've been encouraged to be me, that's the most refreshing part about it!

Things have changed and I am now wholeheartedly enjoying my job! Now all I need is a raise!


Ok, so I wrote about trying to get through "A Purpose Driven Life" this summer, well not surprisingly, I didn't get very far. I do have to say that this summer was not a good one for me. I was pulling away from everyone, I wasn't being a good friend and I just didn't really see the point (well, I did, but I wasn't ready!). I'm not saying that I'm ready now, but I do see God and I have this nagging ache to help the world around me. I want to make an impact on others...not only because God told me to, but because if I don't who will? I owe it to the people I love and the world around me to reach out and try my best to make this world we call home a better place! Will you help me?


And finally, the two most trivial...I've become slightly obsessed with Facebook and I can no longer be called the celebrity gossip go to person by my friends! I can't even get halfway thru the OK Magazine crossword puzzle anymore....I'm disappointed, but now I can focus on more important stuff!


Until Next Time!

Sometimes you just want to say "get over yourself" to someone! But most times its someone you really can't say it to! One day hopefully we will to speak freely.

Sending this as my first mobile blog! I hope this works...fingers crossed!

Headlines and Heartbreaks!!!!

9/11

Today is the Anniversary of 9/11. I am sure we all remember where we were when we first heard that a plane hit the twin towers....when we watched them fall...when we heard the stories of the brave men and women that didn't escape...and when the firemen raised the flag above the site.

I'm sure you remember the first time you heard of Al'Queda and Osama Bin Laden....who the Hijackers were...and that because of a strong few the last plane did not reach it's target! I'm sure you remember what that day was like, whether you were directly involved or just a witness...you remember.

I think we can live everyday with the memory of those events in our minds and hearts, and we see reminders of it on our television sets every evening. This day is special, but not because of the devastation, because of the hope. In all this... within families, communities and as a nation we came together to honor those who we lost and to show the world that the Sleeping Giant had been roused from sleep once again. It's been a hard eight years, but we have continued to stand strong as a country and most importantly we have continued to hope.

God Bless America, the families that lost and a country that remembers!




Caster Semenya

My heart goes out to this young woman, she comes out of no where to win and because she doesn't "look" like what the world says a girl should look like her identity is called into question. She was subjected to gender testing...and not quietly either! She was set out there in front of the whole world and told "we think you're a man". I know if that was me, I'd be completely and utterly devastated...but she seemed to handle the situation with grace...submitting to the tests and giving interviews telling the world that she is a woman.

Yesterday news broke that she is a woman...although not completely. It seems that Caster, has both male and female parts (the male parts being inside her body...so she never knew anything about them). She has been put out in the world as a hermaphrodite, something that most people would not want anyone to know. Now, that this news is out there the committee in charge of her sport has to decide if she can continue to participate in it.

I feel for her, and I hope that these people do right by her...after completely turning her life upside down I hope they do not take from her the thing that she loves to do!



President Obama and that Senator

I didn't watch President Obama's speech (I will...it's the power of YouTube) but I did hear about the Senator who blurted out Liar! in the middle of it....my first reaction (I'm assuming like most black people) was "OH, NO HE DIDN'T!" "He only did that because he's black" "How Rude!"...and still thinking about it today I still think those things...but also I'm starting to think about it in a different way.

I'm not a movie talker, I go to the movies to escape and I DO NOT appreciate people interrupting my happy time. But sometimes...I'm so into the movie that I can't help but blurt something out....its happened 3 times...all three times my strong opinion just came bursting out of my mouth it was uncontrollable and unstoppable. I think this may have been what happened to that senator!

Now, I'm not justifying what this man did. I think it was rude and unnecessary. No one ever yelled out liar to W. when we ALL knew he was lying, why... because we have respect for the office even if we don't have respect for the man. Saying that, I do think that he was suffering from a moment of overwhelming emotional conflict and couldn't keep it to himself. Though he is wrong (and clearly didn't read the bill) he believes that the President was lying about something. And he just couldn't keep it to himself. I don't know if he doesn't respect the man in office (that's not the point), but he clearly doesn't respect the office....or maybe it's as simple as calling a White Republican Senator from South Carolina what we all have thought but none have actually said....maybe the man is racist and he's views and anything the President ever attempts to do will be (in this man's mind) unreasonable and irresponsible.

I really don't know he's deal, but I do know that respect is respect and this man is lacking it greatly...but that just shows you what the people of South Carolina are really about...he is, after all, THEIR elected representative!

CAPTAIN E.O.

So they day Michael Jackson died one of the first things I said was....they better bring back Captain E.O. at Disneyland! I mean, what better way to show the man a tribute...I truly believe that he should be celebrated for his contributions to music, dance and frankly most of our childhoods....whatever happened in his life is between him and God, but we have the opportunity to so our gratitude and respect for his greatness (which was given to him by God).
I was reading on Perez Hilton that Disney is set to announce that Captain E.O. will be brought back to Disneyland in January as a tribute to Mr. Jackson. Of Course, this came on the heels of an outcry from both MJ AND Disney fans asking that it be brought back.

Now as someone who worked a Disney, I know that they won't bring it back without making sure they are restore it (or even make it better) to it's original form. I'm sure they may even enlist the help of the original director Francis Ford Coppola!
I'm very excited and happy to hear this news...I'm glad that Disney has seen fit to bring back this great show (which was an event back in the late 80's) back for a new generation to see it! It may look dated and some may not go see the showings, because of what they "think" of him, but I WILL! I only got to see it once as a kid, but I remember being enthralled by it. It doesn't matter how long I will have to wait in line...I will seen Captain E.O. again in all it's glory and thank God for giving us the brilliance that was Michael Jackson!

What would you do...

if this was your last day on earth
would you conquer your fears and try someone new
tell that person you love them...
move the mountains and stir the seas...
or would you sit, in quit and wonder what will happen to the world around you
would you cry tears of joy...sorrow

if this was the day you knew was your last
would ask God to forgive your sins
would you go out and do all the things you were afraid of
or would you crawl into bed and hid your day away

if this day was your day, what would you make of it?
joy, pain, sorrow, fear, confusion....
would see call all your loved ones and tell them your truths
would you forgive those that have wronged you
could you?

if this was your final day

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Headlines...what the?

I just read a headline that said "One in Four Californians could be affected by the swine flu" what the?

Dude are you serious?

And apparently they aren't very close to having a suitable vaccine...and when they do, it'll be a series of shots!

Dude are you serious?

So there's a new fire in LA and it's not under control...not only that, but they don't expect to have it under control until the 15th of September!

Dude are you serious?

I mean, between the heat and the bad air quality I don't want to leave my house, but I can't close the windows...because it's too damn hot!

This is getting ridiculous

And finally (not an actual headline, but I'm frustrated about it) I've looked everywhere to try and find out if there's any possible way I can watch UF's game against Charleston-Southern this Saturday and unfortunately there's not! Looks like I'll have to wait Two Weeks to see TEBOW....I mean the Gators play!

Dude are you serious?

Fires and Heat

When most people think of Southern California they think....beaches, beautiful people and weather, celebrities and sun!!!

Most people don't think about the extreme heat, earthquakes or fires! The east coast has hurricanes....the middle of the country has Tornadoes and the west has earthquakes. Now the first two are seasons....but the last isn't, which in my opinion makes us kinda lucky cause it just hits we don't have to watch it coming! But we do have a threatening season....it's called FIRE SEASON and we are in the middle of it right now!

When it's extremely hot and dry with little to no wind, we Southern Californians find ourselves surrounded by forest fires, brush fires....raging, out of control, unstoppable fires...and every year it seems to get bigger, scary and hotter!

In the last two weeks, we've had (I could be wrong) 3 major fires! And these fires have added to the dry heat we are feeling in the basin! The wind has left us (which is good for the fires) so we are trying our hardest not to kill over. I am not fortunate enough to live in a house with A/C so we are barely moving around the house...drinking tons of water and generally trying to stay our of each others way!

I can't get up in the morning without choking on smoke and the air is literally yellow all day long...and it's not from the sun!

And since Los Angeles sits in the middle of a desert, in which we supply water from outside sources, and we have had little to no rain in order to replenish those sources we are in a drought...so our ground are dryer then usual.

I think I'm going to move to someplace cool with no fires. Antarctica anyone?

Three Little Birds by Bob Marley

Dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:)

Singin: dont worry bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry (dont worry) bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, this is my message to you-ou-ou:

Singin: dont worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. dont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing - I wont worry!
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right - I wont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing, oh no!
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

You Don't Know

You don't know the pain you cause with the nonchalance you place on your relationships!
You have chosen him over family and friends, not caring about the consequence!
Watch the walls tumble around you wondering why is this happening.
Hate filled anger fills your lungs and you don't care who feels your wrath!
You don't know how to talk to people, you don't know how to look someone in the eye, you are completely false because you are completely void.
You are in a relationship so dramatized, so traumatized, so abusive on both parts that you except to be treated like that by everyone, so you treat everyone like that!

I'm not judging I don't care how you choose to spend your life, but I see an end to this situation.
I see an end to the jealousy that consumes him, that keeps you engulf in this world of darkness.
I see an end to this relationship that you completely and totally justify to all those around you.
In the end, you will be alone...
Looking around wondering when the walls fell down and we all walked away.
I refuse to watch this thing you call love, I refuse to be a part of this unnatural life.

A Purpose Driven Life

So, a few years ago, Marina (my church) bought all the members a copy of the book "A Purpose Driven Life" and the accompanying daily journal. Like everything having to do with church, I started it, but didn't finish it.

Well, I've been thinking about going out and buying a daily devotional, but then I thought...hey I have this book and journal, why don't I just do that on a daily basis. I think it lasts a month and from there I can move on to a daily journal!

It's going to take some real disciple to do this, I will have to really dedicate myself to this, but I'm ready for this journey!

My Heart by Paramore

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope

This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours
(My heart, it beats for you)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you (It beats, beats for only you)
My heart is yours (My heart is yours)
This heart, it beats, beats for only you (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart, my heart is yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)

(Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart is yours(Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart is yours(Please don't go, please don't fade away)
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away)

My heart is...

Give me a SERVANT'S heart

Earlier this week I posted about my feelings about God and how I'm slowly but surely finding my way back to him. I told you how the prayer "Lord, give me a servant's heart" had been running through my mind and I had found myself praying it.

Well today, I took my first actual steps to be a servant of the Lord. We (my mom, Amber, Danae and I) got up early this morning and went to help foster kids pick out clothes for school at Kohl's in West Hills. I've been up (except for an hour long nap) since 3:30 this morning, it was still dark!!!! But I'm very glad/happy that I did it and could be used. I'm also happy that I my friends and family wanted to take part in it with me!

We didn't hang out together in the store (well, my mom and Danae were paired up). I had two teenage girls and their mom with me for about an hour and 45 mins. I didn't know how they were going to react to me, or even if they would interact with me (especially with their mom there) but by the end of it all...we had fun and they got some really cute clothes!

Lord, give me a servants heart!

At the end of the day, it didn't matter what time we had to get up, who drove or how tired I've been all day. What really matters is that those girls had fun. I don't know their entire situation, but it seems like they are in a very loving home with people who truly care for them. Their mom thanked me and said repeatedly that she was happy because I actually got them to shop (because she can't!), not only did they shop, but they both strayed outside their comfort zone and got clothes that they wouldn't normally pick out!

My prayer going into anything has always been, "God, if I can just affect one kid, if I can just make one kid happy, I'll be fine with that!" I think that God answered both my prayers today and I'm very happy about it!

Lord, give me a servant's heart!

Me and My God part 2

There are alot of changes that need to be done. I always find my inspiration in the moment that it's least useful. At a time when I don't have a pen in my hand to write it down or when in an instant I will forget it. This morning, "Lord give me a servants heart" went flying through my head. I remember it, because I've never asked for it before...I've never wanted that before, Never!

The servants are the lowest, that last...but Jesus knelt before His disciples and served them. I look around this world (country) and see everything telling me that I'm too good to be a servant and my mind totally rejects the claim that as a Christian I SHOULD be a servant. I should follow Jesus' example and serve the people around me? And even though my mind rejects it, all day I've been thinking the same thing, "Lord give me a servants heart"?

What's going on? Have I completely lost my mind? Am I in the process of losing my mind or is it that this silent little pray is what I've been hiding away in my heart? I've been told that the Lord will give us the desires of our hearts. I've learned that it's true, but it's not when we want it or how we expect to get it. I've had desires on my heart for YEARS that have not been obtained prayers that haven't been answered, but this one...this small little whisper of a prayer, I know God will give me. "Lord give me a servant's heart".

The first step for me will be this Saturday...I will be getting up at some crazy hour in the morning and heading out to West Hills to help some foster kids go shopping for new school clothes. All I want to do is make it a fun experience, be encouraging and serve. Because as much as I want to fight it, this is what I've been called to do!

I know that like any other relationship this one, between me and God, is going to take some time to mend. But I know He's patient and I know He wants to be actively in my life. So, I just have to get pass all my issues and open myself up to Him again

Random Acts of Kindness

Sometimes, people just do things that make you step back and say wow!

A couple of days ago someone came up to me and said, I have something for you. I have something I want to give you, it's a leather jacket! I just have to remember to bring it. Well, just that thought was nice, and since I figure that most people are as forgetful as I am, I didn't think I'd see it anytime soon. But the thought was nice!

Low and behold, today, I received this nice leather jacket. She looks at me and says I wanted to give it to someone special....I didn't really want to give it up, but I want you to have it!

What do you say to that? I mean, that's just not something you expect! Random acts of kindness are amazing!


(I didn't include who the kind individual was or where this took place, but it wasn't just some random stranger!)

With or Without You by U2

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you giveAnd you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you giveAnd you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you

Me and My God

I haven't been on the best terms with God in the last year or so, actually if I'm being completely honest I don't think (for my part) that I've EVER been on good terms with God! I don't know if it's my stubbornness, my laziness or just my ability to BS my way out of stuff. Even though I've been fortunate to always be surrounded by people who love me and love God, I've always taken it for granted. I love Him and I'm faithful but only to an extent! I won't lie, I have the time but I don't put it into the relationship. I'm a taker, I'll admit it, I own that part of my personality and I'm not trying to run away from it. I've taken everything God has given me and I don't give much (if anything back).


In July I did a concert for the Songs for Sudan series. I did it with a broken heart and although I wanted to channel it all to glorify Him and raise money for the children, really, it was a very selfish thing for me to do! I enjoyed every minute of it, but I didn't really give Him the glory for it, I gave some of it to the guys in the band that backed me, but I kept most of it for myself. And even though my head was telling me that THIS is what I should do or say or be thankful for....and even though I prayed when I thought things were going to fall apart I never thanked him for pulling it all together in the end.


I grew up in church, I went with my aunt when I was young. I saw my mom reading the bible at home and I went to Christian school from 5Th-9Th grades. I've been active in the church since I can remember and I now...I barely even go! My perspective changes on my mood. Right now, well for a while, I haven't wanted to go to church because I didn't feel like I NEED to go to church. Or because there are people at church that I don't want to deal with. I've become so numbed by my own feelings of hurt, so unwilling to forgive when I've felt wronged that I have just completely disregarded that impact that a Sunday morning in the presence of God with other believers is.


I have this habit of blaming other people for my mistakes (I think I get that for my dad), I don't take responsibility for my actions and instead I just place the blame on others. But I have the right, there are things from my life that haunt me everyday. Situations and pains that will continue to tap on my shoulder for the rest of my life. I've had my heart broken, been lied to and about and ultimately betrayed. And I know that I'm supposed to forgive. I know that not forgiving only hurts me. That ultimately I will be so calloused and hard that nothing and no one will be able to penetrate it. Well I'm there! I've built this really sad wall to try to hide myself behind! (but I did a bad job and the wall sucks!) I tell myself I won't let anyone in, but the only person I'm keeping out is GOD! Jesus is knocking....God is knocking...the Holy Spirit is still trying to figure out when exactly I gave him the boot. I'd tell Him, but I'm not sure myself.


Why am I typing this all out, because I'm at the point where things are starting to click again. The wheel is starting to turn, in fact it's been turning for a while. I've just been leery about letting go of the bitterness and moving past it all. There this person (who shall remain nameless, don't worry it's a real person who I don't know and is sorta famous, who I have a crush on right now), who is a Christian, I've been reading interviews with him and it kind of hit me in the head like hey, this guy has this spotlight on him and he's using it! He's standing up and telling people about God, about his relationship with God and about how truly happy he is! I'm always the negative person who says, yeah right, but I've heard this too many times to refuse it! The kicker came yesterday. I read an article on Monday, which in the nameless person said that he does things that other people just don't want to do, he'll get up at some ridiculous time in the morning and go hang out with orphans, or go to the far reaching countries in the world and preach (when he could be doing something "more" fun). That day (Monday) my mom asked if I wanted to go help some orphans pick out back to school clothes, but we have to be at the store at 6:00am! I listened and thought nope, then yesterday it hit me....I can go hang with these kids, help them pick out clothes and just be there....this is something simple that I can do, just because...God has given me the tools.

It also so happens that this weekend on facebook I did a quiz....what biblical gift did God give you?, or something like that and I got prophet...that made me think about this "gifts" quiz I did at church, prophet was my number two...teacher was my number one! That plus all my recent reading...has had me thinking...what am I wasting...my times, my gifts, my talents. God said that if we don't use the talents he's given us he'll take them away. It's not like I don't know what gifts I have...I've used them all at one point or another...I'm just too lazy and scared to use them now!

I know what I'm scared of! I know what I should be doing, I'm not stupid. I know! I know what He wants me to do, but I'm scared of the path...that ultimate trust of just holding out my hand in the darkness and letting Him lead me through. Here's a quick thought, when you're scared...your not happy. I want to be happy, I want to do what He wants me to do...God and I have been playing a game since I set up the rules, I'll do this, if you do that! You know what....I'm losing!

Ending After

There's a day in your life that will never fade from memory. It will hang there, for all time, gnawing on the back of your mind.


The memories will find their way to the surface at times and burst out like a single stream of falling stars, and you will be helpless to stop them.


They may be memories of the fondest kind or moments so black that your soul aches at the thought of them. They'll bring you to your knees in an instant and have you crippled with grief.


These moments may be few and far between, but the impact can ruin a sane moment, or beautiful day.


Will you cry in happiness at the thought of one of these rushes of life inside your mind or cringed at the thought of these ever present creatures lurking in the distance.

Pain recalls pain, but you must work to find the joy. Our minds may be full of it, but joy can be fleeting


Ending After Part Deux!

Ending after, the rains dances around the tree tops in search of it's final destination. Calling forth it's memories of the times it's fallin before. Taken up to heaven in a vapor, it's former self momentarily forgotten. Returning to the clouds it so fonding calls home.

Ending after, the day you place to rest the life you could not imagine. How must waste did you gather and pour out onto those around you? There shall be no sympathy for those who are wicked, no popularity for the undead who know no truth. The smiles fade and the tears dry to nothingness and you pass out of time forgotten!

Ending after, the war has passed and you stand alone triumphant and scared! Your whole world passed in a blink and before you could grasp it, he was gone. Called out by his words you filled your heart with blind tasks to fill the hole. You will be loved again, in the way to need. There is an ending after the end!

What is going on?

Okay, I'm an Angeleno (Angelino, however you spell it!), I was born and raised in the Greater Los Angeles Area. In the 80's I watched and enjoyed the Lakers, win or lose! My favorite player was and always will be Kurt Rambis! He retired and then came back as an assistant coach under Phil Jackson. Well, after years (and years) with the Laker organization he is leaving! How can this be! Not only is he leaving, but he's going to MINNESOTA!!!!! OMG!!!!!

Does he not know how cold it gets there? Has anyone tried to tell him that they don't go to Hawaii for training camp? Does he understand that this fan will miss watching the games just to see him writing something on the sideline? (well, he probably doesn't know about that last one!)

I am happy that someone has enough faith in his talents to give him the reins of a team, but does it have to be that one? It's so far and so cold and so....not LA!

Between the Lakers acquiring Ron Artest and Kurt Rambis leaving....I may be too hurt to watch any Laker games this year...and to think, I was actually going to attempt to get tickets! Boo!

High Above

Sitting above the heavens to catch a glimpse of earth below life a magic veil being lifted from my eyes, I see the contrasting of colors, textures and terrain.

I am lost in wonder as my world and skies are laid bare before me. Clouds of white cotton soft unopposing, but protective of whats below kiss my feet with cool lightness quickly moving on to their next victim. Leaving me breathless and undeniably eager for more.

Is this where the angels tread? Their wings fluttering through the gaps where sunlight shines down to earth? Or is this place so perfect that God did not intend us to see it, but we defied him, as always, seeking the knowledge he reserved for himself? To that thought I am in awe of the quiet beyond my window and yearn to sit on a cloud and watch the world unfold below me.

Vast as an ocean of green, brown, white, and blue hues. Cities of lights, deserts bare and trails cut deep I cannot disguise them but am content to do nothing but watch the time pass from my perch.

The sun beats my back and I am drawn into my cool cotton home listening to things I do not understand or care to.

I am home in heaven; in this perfect place above the clouds where my heart is content and wants nothing more.

See the sights that inspired this poem on My Journey in Photography!

Laments

There was a time when my hope sustained me I believed the promises you gave me. My heart was full of my hope in you.

I've always wanted somethings...my heart has never changed, but it has!

My hope is gone, I am not full of you anymore. I don't understand how you can watch the pain grow and still say it's good for me.

I'm alone, you don't sustain me! I see you but I can't feel you and I don't know if I want to!

Bitterness has replaced my hope, loneliness has filled my heart. I'm standing in the shadows and I'm hurting.

YOU ARE hurting me, but I don't think you see me anymore.

My hope is lost

I'm all alone.

armor

there's a crack in my armor. so i refuse to put it on, but i won't get it fixed. so i walk on unprotected.

there's a hole in my armor that i knew froma crack. i won't wear it, but i refuse to get it fixed...

there are holes in my armor, i've lost my shield and my sword is rusted.

is there nothing for me here? i'm refusin to see it. so i've abandoned my quest and i'm going my own way.

Bride and Groom

Cradle me softly, do not say a word, let out hearts speak only...
of the love and sweet things our lips have yet to say.
Think of things in our life that have yet to come.
Caress me as I sleep, let your breathing sooth my weary soul.
Your warmth carries me away from this place and leaves me wanting more.
I am yours truly from this moment on, I have been yours since the moment I was born.
Love me here in the stillness of this room for I am the bride and you are the groom.

Mistake nothing you have seen as truth, there is none here. Only shadows and lies of plenty, moving curiously through ages of folk who know nothing more than old wives tales passed down through generations of misguided elders.

Nothing in this world is folley: all is fake! Fields spring forth to nothingness and freeze in winters depth. Summer rides eastern skies and triumphs as knocking doors cringe at heat. I am a rock of unyielding strength that cries as sorrow spreads. Wake my mind if you dare and I will run you bare with gospel and toil. Remove yourself from me but take heed at my words for I am the lies that you have heard.

March yourself into the fire, make yourself right in the Lord and see the falling of all this earth. I am the message that you speak: all men shiver and fall before me. Sleep in your dreams with care and suspicions for I am your Eden. Search no more for truth, this place has none for you!

Find yourself a manner in which to dwell and sell the secret you should not tell, for my words are death in it's simplest form. To covet, the clutch, to yearn, to warn.

I am the seeker set on the path to guide those that must be glad to find themselves a way to see the truth behind beautiful things that men create to show their charms and women wear upon their breast and me I can surely attest that all is not above the rest, there is no place rotten shores in heavens rigid corridors, I find myself a slighty enemy to the nothingness that pursues me.

So heat my words, oh sullen folk, drink the truth that I've spoken and convince yourself of this fact: the truth is a lie more neatly wrapped!

Quotes

"How could a Christian have such fear and trembling at going to his eternal peace"

"Death was no more than the gateway to new birth"

Mists of Avalon

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"

Abraham Lincoln

"See your trials thru your own eyes. Don't compare it to others"

Unknown

"So here it is truth is always trumped by lies, friendship may be shattered with words,
gossip destroys everyone involved, silent tears stain the cheeks of the heartbroken"

Melanie Slayton

"I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it."

Thomas Jefferson

Pot and Kettle

My mom and I took my grandmother out to shop today. We were hungry, so we stopped and purchased ourselves some food. My father doesn't allow my mom to spend money she earns unless it's on him. So he called and asked her to go buy him some food even though she was only allotted 20 bucks today. He wanted Chinese from a place that doesn't take debit card and she had no cash, so he threw a tantrum and said forget it!

We got home and my mom made my brother and father food before she sat down and ate. 99 percent of the time I would have called the house and offered to buy food for everyone, but since my father doesn't feel the need to speak to me, I DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO BUY HIM ANYTHING!

He just told my mother, "I'm trying to fight her selfishness and you come home with food only for yourselves", well since he thinks I'm the selfish one I'm calling bullshit on this statement!
I'm listing just a few examples of HIS selfishness, so that you can see the pot calling the kettle black!


1. He is known to get hungry, go to the taco truck, eat and come home...like nothing happened while the rest of us are sitting here eating peanut butter out of the jar.

2. He is known to make himself lavish meals...breakfast and/or lunch not making anything else he doesn't eat most of the food he piles on his plate and he leaves the dishes for someone else to wash.

3. He is known to try to raise rent because he doesn't know how to pay his bills on time.

4. He is known to go buy beer when he could buy groceries.

5. He is known to do nothing, not going to the market or trying to make dinner when he knows there is absolutely no food in the house.

6. He is known to tell people they can't label the food they pay for, then he hides food in his room so he won't have to share...and on top of that he eat your food too.

7. He is known to treat people like crap then wants to get upset when no one wants him around or when, dare I say it, they treat him the same way.

8. He is known to be ungrateful, uncaring and unforgiving, but expects everyone to kiss his feet as he walks by!

Those are just some of the reason why I have lost all respect for the man who calls himself my father. He thinks that I am selfish, well he needs to look in the mirror!

He held up his fingers

We were in the drive thru at In n Out the other night having a grand ole time waiting to order. When I looked up to see the guy ordering in front of us suddenly hold up a two (with his fingers)! First he held his hand up toward the speaker, then toward the menu, I guess he thought there was a camera there reading the amount of food he wanted. It was quite funny and my mom and I had a great laugh.
He held up a two....classic!

Redesigned and it feels so good...

Yesterday while I was starting the new blog, I discovered some options I could use to customize this blog. I didn't do anything big, but I did change the template and I'm really enjoying it!

There are tons of things I can do to this page...I can change the fonts, colors, backgrounds whatever I want. I've just gotten started on this task and don't want to change it too much (cause I'm really digging it) but I'm going to have fun with it.

What do you think about it? Until Next Time...

What I've decided....

Hi there,

Well, since I have bought my 35 mm, I haven't really been out there trying to use it like I should, so I've decided to step up my game and just take it with me and snap away. The pictures may not be good and most may end up being a waste, but it'll be a learning experience that I can look back on and say that I did!

I have decided to start a 2nd blog that will be completely devoted to my photography experiences. I will share these experiences in words and pictures. So go on over there to see the progress I'm making (I will share the good, the bad and the UGLY). I will point out my favorites and tell you the inspirations behind the pictures I've take. I can say that there won't be a daily update (since I'm dealing with film, not digital) on this blog, but I hope for weeklies.

The name of the blog is My Journey in Photography and you can find it at: http://mrslay26photos.blogspot.com/ or go to my full profile and at the bottom you can find the link!

Alright, so head on over and take a look at my stuff. Feel free to tell me what you think about them. But don't be mean!

Back to Work, got to sleep

I've spent the last two days at Amber's house in the Air Conditioning. And I'm back home in the heat. I sleep well last night, except that at about 1 am the dogs decided to start barking at air! After that, I woke up every 3 hours (my 6:30 wake up call was to let the dogs out to pee). I was out of bed by 9 am both yesterday and today, so even though I wasn't in the heat, I also didn't get to sleep in in the A/C.

Since I have to go to work tomorrow and face the world, I need to go to bed and try to sleep through this heat!

Hope you all are fairing well in this summer heat!

Until Next Time

You spit mighty swords because you think they will work to your advantage.
You cause the problems then blame them on others
You think the you are superior and try your best to bring everyone else down.

There is a burning in your soul, that your loneliness ignites
I cannot and will not be a party to your terror.
We see things differently because I don't trust you words

The hate you spread is damaging
You twist you voice so that you are believed
The truth is ultimate and to be striven for

Games are played and I don't care if I lose
Because I refused to play a game you've created to your advantage
You win and feel fulfilled, but no one congratulates the victor

I am sad for you
You are lost, so, in the grips of pity
Unable to find the light out

Maybe one day we will see eye to eye
Maybe one day you will forgive yourself
Maybe one day you will stop blaming others for your faults

You have scars but do not own them
You are exactly what you accuse others of being
And when they throw your words back at you you run and cry that they are mean.

I don't like you now that I know you
Before you were a friend, but now you are nothing to me
With every step we take closer to the end I feel less and less emotion in your regard!

Goodbye from my life
You are no longer welcome
I will see you in the shades of distance memories that I shall push to the back corners of my mind.

The Bible

I was looking at pictures on the Internet today and came across the bible verse Phil 4:3...well, in trying to look up that verse to read it. I found a website where I could read the whole bible if I wanted to. So,after I read Phil 4:13 I decided to look through the books and stop anywhere that I thought would be an interesting read in the short amount of time I had.

I came across lamentations and thought' "I wonder who wrote this and could it possibly be real laments?"...well of course it is, but my brain was just not moving fast enough. I still don't know who wrote it, but I opened it up and started to read from the first verse.

As I read, I started to think about Psalms, Proverbs and Song of Songs (Solomon, depending on the type of bible you have), how they are great works of poetry...David, of course, being one of the greatest poets of all wrote with abandon and never held anything back wrote the Psalms. You can go through his life story in the Psalms....his ups, downs, joys, pain, anger and happiness it's all there laid out for us. I don't think it's only there for us to read, but I think it's also there as an example. As humans there are things we just can't understand about God. We get impatient, we're worrisome and we just don't know how to handle ourselves sometimes. We get angry at each other, but also at God. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but if you are honest it's true.

If David, the man after God's own heart, has showed us anything, it's that the flawed can do their best to be "cured" and that with God's forgiveness and faith we can thrive. There are times when he is HIGHLY upset with God, but then he turns it around because he realizes that it's not really God's problem, it's his. God hasn't changed and the Psalms can remind us that even when we "overreact" to a situation He is still there waiting for us and all we have to do is reach out our hands in worship and praise him. We will always forgive us, but what David shows us is that we have to put ourselves aside.

Sorry I totally started ranting and got taken off topic, but I'm coming back!

Jesus said that he was sent here to be our example. He came down so that he could experience the daily pressures of our lives in all their forms. In his weakest state he allowed Satan to tempt him in all manners of sin, but he never caved. But Jesus isn't our only example. The bible is littered with them, for men, women and children. And untimely (I've finally understood what I'm about to say), the bible itself is our example and guide. Whatever we may be feeling, we can find a representative of it in the bible. If you read deeply, Lamentations is about Israel being rejected by God and given into the hands of it's enemies...it's God's people crying out to him...shoot, just crying out but it can also be laments for us in our darkest most depressed moments of life! Song of Songs is about two lovers...which again if you look deeply is about God's love for the church and vice versa, but if you are just reading it for fun...it's about the perfect love between two people and isn't that what we are all looking for? The new testament is about God's promise fulfilled and how we are supposed to handle the responsibility Christ left to us.

Some people take the bible literally, while some believe there are grey areas that should be adapted according to the times in which we live. Whatever you're beliefs on the subject the message of the bible and it's intend are clear...it's a guide, a comfort and a great read!

MySpace, Your Space, Our Space.....Peace Out!

I'm closing my MYSPACE account on August 1 and will be doing the same with my Facebook account short by the end of summer. It's time to cut some the none stuff stuff out of my life and focus on what I want to do....besides, it's kind of a waste.

I'm keeping my blog, because I do enjoy it. So hopefully I'll see you here!


Until Next Time...

I work with an ASSHOLE!

You know those people at work who just don't fit in with the rest, they are moody or rude or selfish or lazy or just plain mean...and then there are those who are all of these! Well I work with one of those people...


Before I lay into him, I have to admit that I too can have all of the above attributes with the exception of mean. I do not intentionally try to be mean and/or hurt peoples feelings and if I feel like I have I will go to them and apologize. I'm not saying that I'm perfect, but I have become so frustrated with this person that I just have to voice my opinion on the matter. Now I know that calling someone a name, especially ASSHOLE, is harsh, but there's just no other way to say how I feel!


I have been working here since October and in that time 4 people have been hired and 4 have left (one fired). And I can confidently predict that the newest person, here less than a month, will be leaving as soon as he finds a new job. People leave jobs because of a number of reasons, but the primary reason at my work place is due to one person! No one can stand him, he is lazy...rude...pushy...and mostly mean. He thinks that he is funny but the things that come out of his mouth aren't funny because, most are spit out to hurt someone.


And over all these things he's needy....if he's in the room he HAS to be the center of attention, so much so that he will interrupt a perfectly good conversation (without saying excuse me and most times, for no good reason) just so that everyone in the room has to focus on what he's saying. And if you don't focus on him he will throw a tantrum, completely over react and just start causing problems for everyone in the room.


He does or says things that make you not want to be around him and when you distance yourself, he runs to the boss saying that nobody likes him and everyone is mean to him (no he's not 5 years old! but he sure does act like it). The sad part is that she backs him up so everyone is stuck in his sad little whirlwind and we can't get out of it.


You never know what a day with him is going to be like, is he going to spit craziness at you, is he going to ignore you cause he's mad at you for something (and only God knows what it is) or is he just going to be blah! I was finally honest with him and told him that I don't like the way he talks to people or to me and that most times I just want to punch him in the face. He wanted the truth and I gave it to him.


You see in his mind nothing is his fault! He doesn't think that he's mean or that what he says effects people. He truly believes that we are all out to get him and that no one likes him and everyone is trying to ruin him. Frankly, he puts too much stock in himself to think that we are all sitting around thinking of ways to bring him down, when ultimately he is causing all the damage by himself. Even writing this is giving him too much power, but today I watched (mostly listened cause I was working) to him act stupid because he couldn't do what he wanted. See most of the time he sits on the computer looking up dogs or useless items for his house (even though we aren't supposed to be on the net) and because I was on the computer actually working, he couldn't get on it and "pretend" to work! The longer I was there the more childish he got, until finally he had given the boss too much attitude and she pulled him out of the room to talk to him.

Ultimately he is completely disrespectful of his co-workers and despite all else, if he would respect us, people wouldn't dislike him so much!

Had a Concert, it went pretty well...

Hi All,

As I previously posted I had a concert as part of the Songs for Sudan series at my church to help raise money for our Sudanese project. Well I have to say I think it went pretty well!...Well, at least that's what I keep hearing.

I'm always my harshest critic, so it was completely up to my opinion I would say it was okay. But I've heard from a few people (personally) and I'm pretty sure that my mom interrogated every single person there! And all the reviews are good the whole thing was very received!

I did 8 songs, the names of which i will post below. They were all different genres and I had some cool guys backing me up. Reuben K, Jeff and Charles J. and Anthony M. played with me and I'm so glad they did! I couldn't have pulled it off without them and all their help and support.

The whole crowd seemed to enjoy the show while it was going on, and I was even able to get them up to dance and sing with me.

So all in all a good show. I had fun, the guys had fun and from what I hear everyone there had fun too and isn't that all you want from a concert!

Well Until Next Time....


Oops, here's the set list!

Syrup and Honey by Duffy
Flat on the Floor by Carrie Underwood
Blackbird by Third Day
Indescribable By Chris Tomlin
Sunday Bloody Sunday By U2
Melt My Heart To Stone By Adele
Undignified By David Crowder Band
Nothing Compares to You By Sinead O'Connor

Songs for Sudan

Hey Everyone,

I've mentioned before that my concert is very active in the country of Sudan. Well we've been putting on a series of concerts to raise money towards our efforts and well, it's my turn to step up and use my God given talents to help out with this cause.

I am putting on a concert at Marina Christian Fellowship in Culver City, Ca on July 18, 2009.
The tickets are $15 dollars and they are available online at the follwing links.

www.vocalstylings.com/schedule.htm

www.marinachristian.org/songsforsudan

I hope to see you there!

Sunday

Like two ships passing in the night you never think that the other is leaving you in the misty night. Foolish in thinking that life is perfect the rugs of reality are swept and you are thrown into a fountain of emotion and circumstance.
There is nothing to be done but to live. The pain of uncertainty will begin to fade and the ache of the heart will give way to a strength you've never before processed. Weightless you will glide through your life with strong legs, shoulders and a heart that will not fear but will continue to love without abandon.

But now, let the tears run, let the pain sweep you up in the emotions you feel...they are truth and they will guide you...keep you feet on the ground in front of you and in clearing them from your eyes you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This is not the end, but the beginning, whatever the outcome. You will learn who YOU really are, you will find your true self, wants, desires, loves...then you will be unstoppable! And when that day comes, you will look back on this without regret, for your decisions did not start this process, but I believe you will finish it. To whatever end!

Sometimes people are AMAZING

I think I've spoken about the English family I babysit for sometime. Well they are great I love them! They are the MacDonald's and they live in San Marino. I've known them for almost 5 years (I worked with Bradley, the youngest, in Kinder care). Well over the years I think I've established a cool bond with them and we've had some fun times, even going to D-LAND together. I've also got to know Laura's (the mom) parents on their yearly trips to visit.
They know that I truly love English culture and I always have some off the wall questions to ask them...I love their tabloids and their celebrities...footballers and W.A.G.S. and music. So I always get some fun mags to read when they come back from visiting. Well yesterday I got a real treat.
The last time I saw Laura's parents was in June or July, we were talking about England and their upcoming elections. I happened to mention that Wayne (a footballer) and Colleen (his fiance) had gotten married over the weekend, they told me they knew it was coming but didn't know when and if they could get the magazines with the exclusive wedding pics they'd save them and send them to me at Christmas.
So cut to yesterday, my brother handed me a bag with not 1, but all 3 OK magazines featuring all the details from Wayne and Colleen's wedding. There was also a copy of the new Girls Aloud CD and her dad recorded and burned a Girls Aloud TV special that aired over there and a letter from Laura. I haven't seen her or the kids since October, but she's been holding on the the mags. They are going through a hard time right now and she's been really busy so she kept them safe and sent them with my brother when she had the chance. BTW, if you don't know who GA is then you don't know anything!
I was so touched that not only did they remember the magazines, but they also went out of their way to send me something they knew I couldn't possibly get here. In our day to day lives, we get beaten down and hung up on the small things and personally the last week has been very hard, so to know that there are some folks thousands of miles away who thought about me (even if it was months ago) and thought to do something nice for me, is really nice and makes me feel things about myself that I don't usually feel.
This isn't the first time Laura's dad has done something for me either! I asked if he could find me the last (previous) GA CD for me, and when he didn't find it at the first store he went to he ended up going to several different stores to look for it (which for a man his age is embarrassing , I guess ) and when he found it he sent it over to me.
Kindness and generosity warms the heart!

Thank You!

San Diego

So a couple of weeks ago Amber and I went down to San Diego to see No Doubt in concert. We planned an overnight trip going down on Friday for the show and coming home on Saturday. But since it was the long weekend we turned it into a weekend trip. Now, since we were going to stay longer we decided to go on a city tour and take our cameras so that we can get some cool shots of the area. We also decided to change hotels (thanks to Paul), and move from the first hotel, which was in Chula Vista close to the concert venue, to a hotel in San Diego close to the Gaslamp district, cause that's where Amber wanted to go hang out on Saturday night.

So we drove down on Friday and stayed at Best Western. Then on Saturday we drove from Chula Vista to San Diego and checked into the Westgate Hotel (pictures above). This hotel was very nice, we got a free upgrade and had a step-out balcony with a view of the harbor and mall. We decided not to go on the city tour...partly because we asked the concierge about it and she told us it sucked and suggested a different one, partly because we just didn't want to leave the room.

We did, however, go across the street to the mall and look for a movie to watch (cause the price for a movie at the hotel was 12.99), but we couldn't find the movie we wanted, so we walked around the mall for a while and then around the block and we stopped to get lunch. On our way up to our room the elevator stopped at a ballroom full of wine and champagne (seriously). When we got off to our floor we decided to take some pictures and as we where doing so a couple got off the lift with a dolly full of boxes of wine. Well they happened to be our room neighbors and Amber made a comment about having a party and they gave us some of their wine. Not only that but they came back and asked if we would want Champagne too, then went to go get it and brought it back to us. We drank and lounged most of the afternoon, deciding to do a different city tour that would pick us up by the mall the next day.

We went out to the Gaslamp and walked around ate and did a little shopping, the next morning instead of getting up we lounged some more (neither one of us wanting to get out of bed) we didn't actually talk until the movie we were watching was almost over. When it did end we got up and sadly checked out. Went and got coffee and hit the road again.

That drive was unexciting except I did think I got on the wrong freeway for a minute. We stopped at DAIRY QUEEN in Mission Viejo for lunch and got back into LA about 3pm. I dropped of Amber and went home to sleep.

All in all I had a great weekend, even though we didn't do what we set out to do, it turned out to be pretty perfect!

Interesting Photos

well he's my first "Interesting Photos" post. These three are all from work...the first is a nice little hamburger joint called Happy Cow...if you want a peaceful lunch this is where you go...best hamburgers for the price in Downtown (that I've found so far).

The second is a bird that landed right outside the office window. It sat there looking down at traffic for 20 mins. I had to take a photo...it never came back!

The last is a tree that's outside the building by a little fountain/pond. There was something about the tree that I found cool, so I snap a pic.

Enjoy

I'm back!

Have you ever witnessed something...a bird landing really close to your foot, someone singing rather loudly in the Supermarket (in my case, it's usually me doing the singing) or just some random beauty in a place where you don't expect it...but you're alone and can't comment about it, or the one person you know who will really "get it" is too far away to even try to communicate with? Well I have, and I've decided to start doing something about that. I will start taking photos of these things I experience with my camera phone and I will upload them (everyday hopefully) and share the circumstance surrounding the photos with you all, so that you can experience just a little bit of what I see throughout my day.

Not all of them will be big adventurous things, most will be small and quiet, but they are just interesting...interesting enough for me to want to share them with you. So I hope you enjoy them and maybe begin to look for those little things around you too.

Oh Well, that's all I have to talk about right now...My next post will include some interesting photos I've taken in the past few days and I'll talk about the No Doubt concert and trip to San Diego!

Until Next Time!