So, I have well documented the struggle I have with not being married or having kids, but I decided to no longer allow myself to be jealous or hateful toward people who are in the place of having a child or getting married.
Since I made that effort I have had my moments but I have done my best to move past them to be happy for the people who are celebrating. I've been to weddings and baby showers and lived through engagement announcements. I've been able to walk through them all with a grace that God gave me, because in my heart I hope that my day will come. I've haven't gone into a situation totally jealous of someone else's happiness because there was no reason to. But today (on Easter and when I'm wasn't expecting it) I found myself slightly jealous of my friend while she was discussing her upcoming wedding.
Now, I don't know if I was truly jealous of her wedding or if I was just jealous because she truly has that shining happiness that I'm longing for. You can look at her and see her happiness and you can look and him and see the same thing. Its contagious to watch but at the same time a little heart wrenching for me. Because I know that in my heart that it not the wedding its the happiness that I'm looking and longing for.
Looking back on it I'm not sure if I'm jealous or just anxious about the happiness that awaits me...at least I hope its waiting for me.
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