small things

 i've always been the person who, when speaking to someone at length, wonders why that person would ever give me the time of day. i'm the person who wonders why I have friends, or why even i have people in my life at all. i don't really understand why anyone would want anything to do with me. you'd literally have to beat me down in order to get me to think that you may even (just the tiniest bit) like me in some fashion. for the most part I take everyone I meet and, even if I like them, I go with the thinking that they can't wait to get away from me. i've always thought that...it's just who i am. so imagine my surprise when i walked into my old church and got a bear hug from someone i had not idea liked me.
  about a week before this my mother told me that this person had mentioned me and told my mom that she really missed me. i was shocked cause, as i said, i didn't think she liked me. and not in my usual, they don't like me way, but seriously i thought she didn't like me at all! i thought my mom was pulling my leg..so i asked her about it a couple days later and she said the same thing. i was shocked, but not as shocked as i was with the hug i received. with the month i've been having it was like catching a life-preserver in the middle of the open sea.
  i needed it....i needed it like a needed nothing else...i needed that hug, from that person. at that moment. it was...i have no words...


  until next time,
   m