The Unfairness of Life

   I have a friend...her current dream is to have a baby. She has this wonderful man, a wonderful family (in-laws included) a great job and wonderful friends. From the outside her life looks perfect. And perfect it is, except for one thing. She wants and seemingly can't have a baby. I understand where she is coming from, I can imagine going through the process over and over only to find yourself reaching for a tampon time and again. I can understand the frustration and unworthiness she feels when she has to say, "No, I got my period. or No, I'm not pregnant". Feeling like she's letting down all the people around her, not listening when we all tell her she's not. I can understand that feeling because, secretly, I have those fears too.
  So, after sitting with her, listening to her pain and frustration and holding her hand while she cries, I can't understand how random women (who either don't want it or could care less about it) get pregnant everyday. How these women not only get pregnant, but are dumb enough to carry this child and raise it...adding to the already dense population of people over running the world. How could God allow this? How can God seemingly turn his back on someone who repeatedly cries out to him for help and support?
  This reminds me of the story of the blind man that Jesus healed. All the people asked Jesus who sinned, the man or his parents that he is blind? Jesus said neither, the man was born and had remained blind to show the glory of God. Then Jesus healed the man and sent him out to tell his story. I'm reminded of this story not because Jesus eventually came and healed the man, but because of the question the people asked. Who sinned, this man or his parents? 
   Simple and limited (maybe) but completely in the realm of our understanding as humans. Who sinned us or our parents...or maybe our spouse or their parents? God, what did I do that makes me not good enough to have this? Why am I being allowed to hurt?
  All these and more are questions I know both my friend and I have asked God. I know that we've gotten the same answer. Nothing, there's nothing we could have possibly done to incurred God's wrath, because God doesn't make us hurt. Yes, he allows it, but it he doesn't make it. So, the question then becomes, why does God allow this to happen?
  I don't know, maybe, like in the story, its to bring about the Glory of God. Maybe it's not the right timing or maybe still it's just not meant to be. This last, is the hardest to accept, because it's the most heartbreaking to understand. That this desire of my heart (that God promised me) won't be granted. All we are left with is yet another question....Why?
  I can't speak for anyone but myself...I certainly cannot speak for God, let alone truly understand the reason he does things. So for me to ask this question is just another way of torturing myself. God's reasons are his alone and though I don't think He ever intends us to hurt His reasoning's do cause us pain.


  I've encountered one more person who's pregnant who I think isn't doing right by their baby...one more unprepared mother with an unprepared father who are just muttering through life waiting to see what this baby is going to do. While my friend...my incredible, amazing friend is struggling with the burden of not having this opportunity. And still, the only question I'm left with is Why?


  The unfairness of life is the most limiting and humiliating thing we can live through. The unfairness of waiting with breathe held to gain the true happiness we seek, while seeing others take that happiness for granted. The unfairness we live with everyday...while we go through the motions of our existence wondering and waiting. I know life isn't fair, I know things happen for a reason...and I know that we can't explain everything...but when I look around and see this world I wonder why my friend, who has been through so much can't just have this one thing...this one little thing that she desires so so very much.


  The only answer I see is the Unfairness of Life.