I've been singing all my life. I come from a family of singers and musicians (on my dad's side), so for me singing is natural. I've never taken a lesson, I've never been trained, I just do it. Always have...I think I'm good at it, but I'm not conceded enough to think I'm going to be a superstar one day.
When I do sing (which right now is very rare) I choose to do it for a cause or for a reason. The last time I sang was earlier this year for a special church service. I was happy to do it, there was no pressure and I felt my heart, mind and soul where in a good place for me to stand up and sing praises to God.
To me, that's important...though it seems not be as important to others. If I don't feel comfortable in where I am with God, or the song I've been asked to sing I won't do it. That's what happened this week. Out of the blue the church worship leader emailed me asking if I'd sing a song at church this Sunday. I didn't feel comfortable with it so I declined.
About an hour ago, my mom starts in on me about how I should have sang it throwing out that the worship leader was sick and tried to sing it himself. She doesn't care about my spiritual being, she only cares about how many people come up to her after I sing to give her praise for my gift. That's all...
I choose to sing when I choose to sing. I use my gift as I see fit. If God calls me to sing a song then I'll sing it. That song wasn't in my heart, it didn't touch me...in fact it made me want to turn it off as soon as the first note was sung. So, I chose not to sing something that didn't touch my soul.
How can anyone criticize you for that?
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
New Day Same Problem
I sometimes forget about things. I go back to this previous naive state of thinking that my family is actually somewhat sane. Then mornings like today happen and I'm thurst back into the reality and the facts of life in this family.
I live in a house with people who don't want to see the truth in what they do, but want to complain out what everyone else does. I'm not going to lie, I to parttake in this bizarre way of thinking from time to time, but I'm realisitic about it. I admit to it, I see it for what it is and I shut my mouth and move on to fix the problem. No one else does. It's ridiculous how blind these folks are.
I hear them all complain about each other, but the things they are complaining about in the other are the same things that are wrong with them. It seems they are all happy being unhappy and that's the state they chose to live in. The truth is what they want to see not what's really there.
I got fed up with waking up and finding the house a mess because people can't clean up after them....so I fired out 3 three to each one. I told them to clean up after themselves and stop being dirty fuckers! My father proceeded to call and yell at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about and how I pissed him off on an already bad day. He's upset because he doesn't want to work, he wants to laze around all day in bed while everyone else waits on him hand and foot like slaves. I'm not working, but here's the difference, I'm begging for a job,. Since I don't have one I cook, clean and take care of the house. When he doesn't work (like while I was in High School) he won't do anything but cook for himself throughout the day and leave the mess for everyone else. Even on days off in recent months he'll get up and make himself (only) food leave the mess for me to clean up then go lay in the bed until he needs to go to the store and get his daily supply of beer. That's all he does...but he constantly complains about how he's the only person who does anything...when in actuality he does the least.
Listen I'm not bitter, I'm truthful. I see it how it is and I tell it like it is. My mom complains about my dad because he's an asshole and treats her like dirt...well, he has always and she has never done anything about...so you know what stop complaining. You love him enough to take shit, you have for all these years, you're going to in the future so why are you complaining about it to me. I'm going to tell you the truth, which you won't like and will ignore. So leave me out of it.
Okay...this rant is ending here...because I have other things to do and if I don't stop I'll end up writing a book....UNTIL NEXT TIME
I live in a house with people who don't want to see the truth in what they do, but want to complain out what everyone else does. I'm not going to lie, I to parttake in this bizarre way of thinking from time to time, but I'm realisitic about it. I admit to it, I see it for what it is and I shut my mouth and move on to fix the problem. No one else does. It's ridiculous how blind these folks are.
I hear them all complain about each other, but the things they are complaining about in the other are the same things that are wrong with them. It seems they are all happy being unhappy and that's the state they chose to live in. The truth is what they want to see not what's really there.
I got fed up with waking up and finding the house a mess because people can't clean up after them....so I fired out 3 three to each one. I told them to clean up after themselves and stop being dirty fuckers! My father proceeded to call and yell at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about and how I pissed him off on an already bad day. He's upset because he doesn't want to work, he wants to laze around all day in bed while everyone else waits on him hand and foot like slaves. I'm not working, but here's the difference, I'm begging for a job,. Since I don't have one I cook, clean and take care of the house. When he doesn't work (like while I was in High School) he won't do anything but cook for himself throughout the day and leave the mess for everyone else. Even on days off in recent months he'll get up and make himself (only) food leave the mess for me to clean up then go lay in the bed until he needs to go to the store and get his daily supply of beer. That's all he does...but he constantly complains about how he's the only person who does anything...when in actuality he does the least.
Listen I'm not bitter, I'm truthful. I see it how it is and I tell it like it is. My mom complains about my dad because he's an asshole and treats her like dirt...well, he has always and she has never done anything about...so you know what stop complaining. You love him enough to take shit, you have for all these years, you're going to in the future so why are you complaining about it to me. I'm going to tell you the truth, which you won't like and will ignore. So leave me out of it.
Okay...this rant is ending here...because I have other things to do and if I don't stop I'll end up writing a book....UNTIL NEXT TIME
Sunday, June 12, 2011
My Theories
I am currently working on several posts for my 2012 theory. It will be in several parts because one long post probably won't be read. Instead several smaller ones might. Since the time I first heard about this Mayan prophecy I've had two different theories. I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about it...but I have thought about it enough to come to a conclusion. Do my thoughts on the subject matter? No, but this is my blog and I feel like writing on it.
I'm not sure exactly when the first post will go up...I'm trying to get all my thoughts into a good sequence so that I don't babble on or repeat myself. I want to give facts so that people who do read this will actually learn something and not just hear the ramblings of a crazy person. So for now, I'll just tell you that the posts will be called 2012 pt 1 - whatever number at stop at. I'll run these posts off and on with my regular blog entries until I'm done collecting information...which will hopefully be around December 21, 2012 (which is the exact date the Mayan Calendar ends).
Just to preference this, I'm not afraid of 2012, I'm not worried about it. I am curious...and like anyone curious about anything I've asked my questions, looked for some answers and watched some specials about it. I know that in a year from now people are going to be worked up into a terror just like they were with the Y2K thing...but don't let the media get you rattled.
Until Next Time
I'm not sure exactly when the first post will go up...I'm trying to get all my thoughts into a good sequence so that I don't babble on or repeat myself. I want to give facts so that people who do read this will actually learn something and not just hear the ramblings of a crazy person. So for now, I'll just tell you that the posts will be called 2012 pt 1 - whatever number at stop at. I'll run these posts off and on with my regular blog entries until I'm done collecting information...which will hopefully be around December 21, 2012 (which is the exact date the Mayan Calendar ends).
Just to preference this, I'm not afraid of 2012, I'm not worried about it. I am curious...and like anyone curious about anything I've asked my questions, looked for some answers and watched some specials about it. I know that in a year from now people are going to be worked up into a terror just like they were with the Y2K thing...but don't let the media get you rattled.
Until Next Time
Friday, June 03, 2011
Budgets
The other day I said I didn't have anything to say, because they was so much going on in this world I didn't know where to start. Well, that night as I was dozing off the news gave me something to speak on...budget cuts.
This country is in the midst of a financial crisis...this state (California) is way worse off that most. We can't win for losing and it sucks...especially because we can't get the money for the things we really need. Los Angeles, which is full of the ultra wealthy and super poor, is suffering just like every other city. But the length at which our mayor is willing to cutback is ridiculous.
Fire, Police, Emergency Services are all being cut...all of them across the line. Firefighters and Police have been protesting but to no avail. Look I understand that we have no money to pay them...I understand that it's hard on everyone, but living in a neighborhood were gun shots are a regular thing it's scary to know that there may be a day when I call 911 and won't get any help. When a house on my block might catch fire and we have to put it out ourselves because the engines won't show.
We have terrible streets, a terrible school system and now this...Los Angeles, how I hate you more and more each day. I'm not saying I have a solution for the budget problems or how to get money to the places that need it most, but what I am saying is that Police, Firefighters and Emergency Services in general need as much money as they can get.
oh and in a related topic. In a Northern California city, Emergency Service workers watched a man drown because extreme cutbacks meant they weren't trained for water to land rescues and because of their lack of training it was legally for them to rescue him. Sad, disappointing and a direct result of a mayor taking the short way out.
This country is in the midst of a financial crisis...this state (California) is way worse off that most. We can't win for losing and it sucks...especially because we can't get the money for the things we really need. Los Angeles, which is full of the ultra wealthy and super poor, is suffering just like every other city. But the length at which our mayor is willing to cutback is ridiculous.
Fire, Police, Emergency Services are all being cut...all of them across the line. Firefighters and Police have been protesting but to no avail. Look I understand that we have no money to pay them...I understand that it's hard on everyone, but living in a neighborhood were gun shots are a regular thing it's scary to know that there may be a day when I call 911 and won't get any help. When a house on my block might catch fire and we have to put it out ourselves because the engines won't show.
We have terrible streets, a terrible school system and now this...Los Angeles, how I hate you more and more each day. I'm not saying I have a solution for the budget problems or how to get money to the places that need it most, but what I am saying is that Police, Firefighters and Emergency Services in general need as much money as they can get.
oh and in a related topic. In a Northern California city, Emergency Service workers watched a man drown because extreme cutbacks meant they weren't trained for water to land rescues and because of their lack of training it was legally for them to rescue him. Sad, disappointing and a direct result of a mayor taking the short way out.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Osama Bin Laden
I first learned about Osama Bin Laden's death via twitter. I looked down at my phone and 3 people I follow had posted something about his death, then said go to CNN. Sitting in the living room of my house I yelled out "Osama Bin Laden is dead, turn to CNN!" so that everyone could hear me. There it was confirmed...he was dead, taken out by some pretty bad ass Special Ops guys. Ordered there by our pretty bad ass President.
Utter joy and disbelief flooded my body. Could this be, this man that scarred a generation of people...could he really be dead? I wanted to sing and dance and laugh and be...well, JOYFUL. The only thing running through my head was "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead". Because our witch was. I wasn't the only one feeling that way, people actually took to the streets...singing and dancing, being JOYFUL. Being happy...but for me, that happiness left as fast as it came. Because in the back of my mind, it was no longer about celebrating his death, it was about "what's coming next". This community of followers, his followers will surely attempt to strike at us again. Whether us directly or one of our allies. That's scary, but I gave myself a moment for the joy!
Then, in a matter of days, people started to come out of the woodwork to condemn those who danced and sang...celebrating death is apparently a no-no to some. Even when it's the death of a mass murdered who killed innocents just because he doesn't like how we live. I'm sorry...I don't get that. Those must be the people who were under a rock on that faithful Tuesday. Who didn't witness it, who didn't walk around in a zombie like state that day, that week. Wondering what was happening. Those must be the people who didn't looked (and still look) into the sky every time a plane passed over head and prayed that it wasn't going to come down on them. Those are the people who weren't truly affected.
I didn't know anyone who died that day, but I do know that a part of me was taken. That part of freedom that allows you to live blindly, thinking you're untouchable died. I'm scarred by the sights, the sounds, the smoke...the imagines that I'll never forget. Hearing about the men and women who willingly gave their lives to save others...those are the things I'll hold on to. And if my heart was given just a small bit of peace because of the death of this man, then I'll take it. I won't be ashamed to say I was happy, JOYFUL...I wanted to sing and dance at his death because his death was what we've been promised since that day and we got it.
Utter joy and disbelief flooded my body. Could this be, this man that scarred a generation of people...could he really be dead? I wanted to sing and dance and laugh and be...well, JOYFUL. The only thing running through my head was "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead". Because our witch was. I wasn't the only one feeling that way, people actually took to the streets...singing and dancing, being JOYFUL. Being happy...but for me, that happiness left as fast as it came. Because in the back of my mind, it was no longer about celebrating his death, it was about "what's coming next". This community of followers, his followers will surely attempt to strike at us again. Whether us directly or one of our allies. That's scary, but I gave myself a moment for the joy!
Then, in a matter of days, people started to come out of the woodwork to condemn those who danced and sang...celebrating death is apparently a no-no to some. Even when it's the death of a mass murdered who killed innocents just because he doesn't like how we live. I'm sorry...I don't get that. Those must be the people who were under a rock on that faithful Tuesday. Who didn't witness it, who didn't walk around in a zombie like state that day, that week. Wondering what was happening. Those must be the people who didn't looked (and still look) into the sky every time a plane passed over head and prayed that it wasn't going to come down on them. Those are the people who weren't truly affected.
I didn't know anyone who died that day, but I do know that a part of me was taken. That part of freedom that allows you to live blindly, thinking you're untouchable died. I'm scarred by the sights, the sounds, the smoke...the imagines that I'll never forget. Hearing about the men and women who willingly gave their lives to save others...those are the things I'll hold on to. And if my heart was given just a small bit of peace because of the death of this man, then I'll take it. I won't be ashamed to say I was happy, JOYFUL...I wanted to sing and dance at his death because his death was what we've been promised since that day and we got it.
Hey There
I've been so busy putting together my new blog that I've totally shied away from this one. I've been having a lot of fun over at the other place because it doesn't take as much brain power. I usually come on here and rant about something that I feel really powerful about. There are so many things going on in the world right now that I just don't know where to begin.
I do have to say that I've been blessed with some pretty great friends. Even though I'm in my hole here at home and I sometimes feel like life is passing me by I know that if/when I really need them they'll come through. Not everyone has that...that makes me truly blessed.
So I'm gonna go now, I'm going to write up another blog post in a minute...it may or may not be for this blog....
Until Next Time
I do have to say that I've been blessed with some pretty great friends. Even though I'm in my hole here at home and I sometimes feel like life is passing me by I know that if/when I really need them they'll come through. Not everyone has that...that makes me truly blessed.
So I'm gonna go now, I'm going to write up another blog post in a minute...it may or may not be for this blog....
Until Next Time
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